


Fall Again

by InkyEcho



Series: Catch [kevedd] [2]
Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Asexual Character, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gays Everywhere, Gen, Hospitalisation, KevEdd - Freeform, LGBT, M/M, Mental Illness, No Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, anxiety attack, asexual Eddward, literally three straight people, mentions of self harm, so much gayness, the little cute is clueless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-09-19 05:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 58,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9420299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkyEcho/pseuds/InkyEcho
Summary: Just two boys with a past together meet again after losing touch. They both have a little baggage but maybe they can carry it all together.Although this focuses on Kevin and Eddward mainly, there is quite an increase of angst in the later chapters due to my 'mood' when first writing this. Beware.(In which Eddward is an asexual cutie, Kevin's a patient sweetheart, Nathan's the Captain of their ship and Rave is done with his crap.)





	1. Meeting  Goldberg

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer for Nathan Goldberg, James 'Rave' Castellanos, and the characters of EEnE.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this book is the second part of the 'Catch' series. It would be best for you to read the first part first, but if can be read as a stand alone book. It is up to you as the reader. But please be aware that due the that there will not be a significant amount of character introduction.
> 
> Enjoy~

Eddward Vincent knew what he wanted to do and when he wanted to do it. Well, most of the time. Around a year after finishing high school, he left his home town of Peach Creek, leaving one of the closest friends he had ever made behind. It hurt, being by himself in the big city but he was willing to do so to further his life. He moved into a boarding house for the first year in the city, then after enrolling in college, moved into the dormitories.

Things were looking up.

Eddward carried some of his packed boxes into the building, climbing the stairs to the second floor, stopping at his allocated room. The numbers 105 shone in silver metal on the brown painted door. He silently hoped his room mate would be nice before juggling the boxes in his arms and reaching for the door. The door was opened from the other side, milliseconds before he touched it. The sudden lack of a physical barrier caused Edd to stumble forward slightly. A hand was placed in front of the boxes, steadying him. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Whoa there. You okay?" A voice asked from out of view. "Here. Let me take some of those. You must be my new roomy." Half the boxes were taken by a pair of strong arms, unblocking his view. In front of him stood a tall man, broad shoulders and brown hair.

"Uh-thank you," Eddward replied quickly, following him into the room. "I suppose I am."

The boy took the boxes and sat them down next to the other bed. Eddward doing the same. "It that it?" the boy turned and asked, smiling. He seemed pleasant.

"Yes," Eddward ducked his head slightly out of habit. "Thank you for the help."

"It's cool. What's your stats?" he asked, looking Eddward up and down.

"Uh-um...stats?" Eddward tilted his head.

The boy laughed. "Sorry, sorry. S'what my friends and I call it. Just your name and age and stuff."

"Oh!" Eddward stuck his hand out to the other. "My name is Eddward. I'm twenty one." 

"Rad," the brown haired boy nodded and took his hand, shaking it once. "I'm Sam. Twenty two. Not to be rude, but I thought you were younger."

Eddward sighed, not unkindly. He smiled shyly. "I am aware that my physique is not particularly muscular. I am of average height, but that does not make up for it. I was still getting carded when I was nineteen for buying box cutters."

Sam laughed again at that, but good naturedly. Eddward smiled a little. "Either way, it's nice to meet you. Now, I know you just got here, but I have some plans. I'll see you this afternoon, I guess."

"Of course, Sam. Don't let me keep you."

Sam smiled again and left, leaving Eddward to unpack his things. 

His boxes were mostly empty by midday, bed made, desk more or less set up and his clothing neatly placed in his designated draws. He grabbed his bag and left for the cafeteria at the command of his growling stomach. 

He'd seem the school once in person before enrolling, but he'd almost forgotten how big it actually was. It was easy for him to find the food court, though. He stepped through the doors, and within moment, he ran into someone. The large figure he collided with turned around sharply. "Look where you're goin." The large boy looked at the smaller, his drink fallen to the floor and spilling out on the tiles. He looked at least two years older than him, and the kind of person who wasn't happy no matter what. Just his luck.

"I-I'm sorry," he squeaked, stepping back.

"Idiot," the boy grumbled at him.

 

~~~

 

"Hey there, tall dark and ginger."

The red headed boy looked up from the bar counter, taking in the boy sliding into the seat beside him. His teal hair looked extra bright in the coloured lights of the club.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

He looked about the same age as himself. He wore a white collared shirt under a dark blue jumper over the top. His smile looked like the kind that could make any girl or guy melt. Kevin nodded at him. "Sure. Could use a drink. But I don't swing that way, just so you know."

"Can't one hot guy complement another hot guy without making it like that?"

He shrugged. "Guess so. The name's Kevin."

The teal haired boy nodded back, smiling brightly. "Nathan. But everyone calls me Nat."

"Nice to meet you."

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, before Nathan spoke again. "So...come here often?"

Kevin nearly choked on his drink, laughing loudly.

"Sorry, sorry," Nathan smiled, slapping the ginger on the back.

"Smooth," he teased.

"I try," he shrugged. "Gotta say though, I see you here a lot."

"You watch me often?" Kevin raised a brow.

"I always notice the hot ones." Nat winked. "So you looking for a friend?"

Kevin frowned down at his drink. "I don't know."

Nathan frowned back. "You seem a little lost."

"You've know me for five minutes."

"I know how to read people. And you're an open book."

Kevin sighed. "V'Been told that countless times."

"So," Nathan tuned a little more to Kevin, leaning his elbow on the counter and resting his chin on his palm. "What's up?"

The ginger ran his hand over his face. "I'm gonna need more shots for this."

Nathan grinned, calling over the bar tender. "I'm on it."

 

Kevin Barr was not a typically reclusive person. In fact, back in high school he was quite social. But when that ended, and his friends all left to live their life, that changed. It's not like he expected things to stay the same, but he never imagined things would look so...bleak. 

Nathan Goldberg was probably one of the first people to talk to him like a friend in a long time. Even the girls who were just looking for some action didn't bother to fake it. But the teal haired boy seemed different and genuine. It didn't take them long to find a connection and friendship, and honestly, Kevin was grateful for that.

Over the space of only a few months, he and Nathan grew to, as the hyper male proclaimed, 'best friend status'. It helped, really, to keep Kevin from falling into something dark and depressing. He needed goals and wishes and dreams, but somewhere after saying goodbye to his high school best friend he lost those things. 

It didn't take that long for the teal haired boy to convince him to even enrol with him to a college in the city. The name of it sounded familiar, but he wasn't quite sure why. Either way, it was almost scary how fast it took him to get things back in track. 

But it seemed like things were looking up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations. (Disclaimer for Nathan Goldberg - created by C2ndy2c1d.)


	2. Nicknames

 

When Nathan arrived at the college, he was at least a hour ahead of Kevin. Both their things were already mostly unpacked in their shared room, but both also had other things to attend to before the start of semester. Unlike Kevin, Nathan knew his way around the city better, due to living there in the past. The school was new of course, but it didn't take him long to figure it all out. He couldn't help but be amused at Kevin's reaction when he found out the place had a reasonably sized food court, _and_ a student bar.

Nathan found himself wondering around the school alone for a while, taking in the old archways and halls that decorated the place. He found himself in the food court before long though, craving something hot to eat. Maybe fries. He scratched his stomach in thought as he entered the building, and it wasn't long before his eyes rested on something interesting. 

Now, Nathan wasn't gay, but he wasn't straight. He was something in between the two. On one night, when Kevin _finally_ asked, he told he didn't really think about labels. He just liked people. Of course, that linked with his personality meant he checked out people on a daily basis. But whatever, he wasn't bothering anyone.

He didn't really have a specific type, in both boys and girls, but he _did_   take a liking people who were small. And it didn't take long for him to find someone in the room who was exactly that.

Maybe about twenty meters away was two boys. One was big, older looking and mean, while the other was almost the complete opposite. He was the only one facing his way, and he couldn't see much, but from the looks of it he was _scared._ His hands were in front of him like an apology mixed with defence. The boy before him, with his back to Nathan, seemed hostile and overpowering. On the floor between the, a spilt can of soda.

"I'm so sorry! I-I'll buy you another one."

The teal haired boy moved closer, for one reason or another. He took a moment to look at the smaller boy as he did, but it was cut short when the bigger one stepper forward.

"You fuckin' better-"

Nathan put his hand to the other's shoulder, apparently startling him. 

The man spun around, looking the teal haired boy up and down. "Can I help you, mate?" he sneered.

"Well, you could stop shouting for one, big guy. You're scaring the kid." He gestured to the boy, whose raised hands have curling around the bottom hem of his jumper.

The man looked between them both and sighed, annoyed. "Fine. I don't give a shit. Just look where you're goin' kid." He sneered a little as he walked away, shoulders hunches in a dominant stance.

Nathan watched him leave for a moment before turning back to the other boy. His hands were still knotted in the hem of his jumper, and he was taking deep breathes. He was shorter than Nathan, but still reached above his shoulders. He was thin too, with almost delicate looking limbs. "You okay, kiddo?" He kept his voice as gentle as he could. 

The boy looked up, and Nathan's golden eyes met with such a light blue it could have been taken straight from the sky. His black hair and hat contrasted it well. 

_Damn he's cute,_ Nathan mused to himself.

"Yes." The blue eyed wonder took another deep breathe. "Thank you for that." 

"Don't mention it, cutiepie." The boy didn't seem fazed by the nickname, or maybe he hadn't noticed. His hands were still shaking a little, and Nathan held back a frown. "Do you want to come sit down? I'm here alone for the next hour or so."

The boy hesitated, but nodded meekly. 

Nathan smiled and held out a hand with a dramatic half bow. "Right this way, sir."

The boy laugh for only a second before chewing his lip, but it was enough for Nathan to feel accomplished. He took his hand gentle, and led him to one of the empty table. 

"One second," he said before disappearing for a moment, returning with a small package of fries. "Here."

The boy put his hands in front of him, waving them a few times. "Oh no, you didn't have to!"

"It's perfectly fine, cutie. Was hungry anyway," he smiled. "So what's your name?"

"Eddward."

"Well nice to meet you, Eddward. My name's Nathan. But you can call me Nat."

"Well it's nice to meet you, Nat. And thank you again for...before. I don't do too well with confrontation, especially when someone is almost twice my size."

Nathan put a few fries in his mouth. "How old are you, if you don't mind me asking."

"Oh-uh, or course not. I'm twenty one. And...before you say anything, I know I don't look it." 

Nathan laughed as he watched the other eat some fries himself. "I wasn't going to say anything, but yeah. Cute people always tend to look younger than they are, though."

Eddward's face grew red, and he looked down at his lap. "Uh-how...how old are you, then?"

"Twenty two." He couldn't help but smile. The boy was significantly cute, in his books.

Eddward cleared his throat and looked back up. "What are you here for?"

"Sport thingy. You?"

"Science degree."

"You must be pretty smart then, huh?"

He looked down at his hands. "I-uh...suppose so."

Nathan looked down at his phone, then back at Eddward. "Sorry to say this, cutiepie, but I have to meet my room-mate back in the dorms." He pushed himself up from the table.

"Oh-okay," Eddward did the same. "It was nice to meet you, Nat."

"You too, kiddo. Hope I see you around," he smiled. "Have the rest of the fries, by the way."

"Oh, are you-are you sure?" Eddward frowned and tilted his head to the side. 

"I'm sure. Eat up. See you later, Eddward."

Nathan smiled as he left, waving once as he did. The boy smiled and waved back, showing a gap between his two front teeth he hadn't really seen before.

_Jesus. Kev has to hear about this sunshine.  
_

Kevin arrived at his dorm room a few hours after midday. Carrying his old football bag and two last boxes, he made his way to room _116_ and opened the door. Almost straight away he was tackled in a hug by his green haired friend. "Kevy I missed you!" Nathan whined as Kevin untangled the boy's arms and pickup his fallen things.

"Dude, I literally saw you a few days ago." Kevin rolled his eyes, amused.

Nathan fell back onto his own bed. "Yeah but I was so lonely all by myself."

"You're annoying sometimes. You know that?" Kevin grinned as he began to unpack the last of his things.

Nathan mocked offence. "Me? Annoying?" He jumped up, standing on his bed and pointing at Kevin. "How dare you insult me! I am a _king!_ I am royal-"

He was cut off by a pillow flying into his face. Kevin stood there laughing as Nathan fell back onto his bed. "Royalty, my ass."

He sat back up, grinning. "Hey guess what."

Kevin continued emptying his bags into his draws. "What?"

"I saw an adorable ray of sunshine today."

"It's the first day here and you're already trying to pick people up?" He raised his brow. "He or she?"

"It's a he. And he's cute as _fuck_."

"How did you meet him? You didn't just pick the kid up did you?"

"Of course not. Who do you think I am? I don't just pick them-"

"Get on with it," Kevin interrupted, rolling his eyes.

"I saved him. Like a knight in shining armour," Nat said in a childish manner.

"Huh?"

"Yeah this kid, cute as anything, was having trouble with some guy. He looked terrified so I helped him out."

"And that's it? No flirting? No nothing?"

"Oh of course I did. Don't underestimate me," he grinned, placing his hands on his hips like a superhero pose. "The kid looked uneasy so I took him with me when I ate. Nothin' major."

Kevin raised his eyebrow.

"He's super polite and he blushed hard when I called him a cutie."

"Do you even know if he swings that way?" Kevin inquired.

Nat shrugged. "Well he didn't seem offended or anything. Either way I never said I was going to pursue him or anything. Just that he was hella cute."

Kevin fell back onto his bed and looked at the ceiling. "I remember my friend from high school was literally so polite in _every_ situation."

Nathan grinned at his friend. "Was he cute too?"

"I guess he was kinda cu-" He stopped, sitting straight up and looked at Nat. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Confuse me."

"How was I-"

"You do that thing how you ask questions like I'm interested in dudes."

Nat smiled. "But then you answer like you are."

Kevin fell back again. "I don't even know and honestly, I don't think I care anymore."

"Well the Booty King is here to support you." Nathan grinned.

Kevin threw another pillow at his face. "Shut up."

The green haired boy lied back on his bed.

A minute passed. "Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."


	3. The Boy From Before

It was mid morning when Eddward woke the following day. The sun from the blind-less windows shone rays right into his face. It wasn't the most unpleasant way to wake though, he decided. He pushed himself out from under the covers, his feet left hanging just above the ground. Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he fixed up the beanie on his head. He spontaneously sneezed, the sun attacking his senses.

There was a stifled laugh, and he looked up to see Sam sitting up against the wall on his own bed. "Bless you."

Eddward looked down with a shy smile. "Good morning, Sam."

"Morning." He looked at him for a moment, watching as he stood up completely and stretched his arms above his head. "Do you always wear that hat?"

Eddward stared at him, but decided there was no ill willed accusations behind his words. "I do."

"How come? Bad hair cut or something?" Sam asked jokingly.

"Something like that," Eddward smiled.

"Fair enough then."

Eddward grabbed a change of clothes and went to the showers. He came out around fifteen minutes later, his hair was still dripping wet under his beanie.

Sam frowned at the sight. "Seriously dude, it can't be that bad."

Eddward paused. "Oh-uh..." He couldn't think of an answer. For a second he couldn't even remember why he wore it.

"Dude, we're going to be rooming together for the next year at least. I'm going to find out sooner or later."

The black haired boy looked down as he sat on the end of his bed. He sighed. "In my late high school years I had an...accident...I guess you could say. I came off worse than wear. Only a hand full of people have seen what is under my hat since it happened."

Sam stayed silent for a moment. "Is it really that bad?"

Eddward shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe not. But my perception of it is in...dull light. I am conscious of my...injuries."

"I know you don't like, really know me or anything, but you can trust me. I won't...make fun of you or anything.

"I suppose it's something I can't hide forever. Small steps, as they say," he mumbled, but he didn't make a move to remove his hat.

Sam pushed himself up from the bed. "Don't worry about it, Eddward. You're right. Baby steps." He stretched. "I'm going to shower too, okay?"

Eddward smiled at him with appreciation. "Alright. I think I might go eat something, anyway."

The two separated after that, and Eddward made his way back to the food court. He tried his best to keep his thoughts at bay, but they kept nipping at his mind. Thoughts of scars and not-to-kind people. The moment he opened the doors to the cafeteria, he tripped over his own feet. He landed on his knees, hands bracing his front.

"Just can't catch a break, cutie." 

Eddward pushed himself halfway up to see the teal haired boy from the day before. Nathan offered his hand. He shyly took it and allowed himself to be helped up to his feet. "Thank you." He nodded meekly. 

"Don't mention it." Nathan smiled. He looked at him for a second. "You okay?"

The beanie wearing boy looked back at him with a smile. It was only slightly forced. "I'm okay, Nathan. Just been thinking, is all."

"Well if that's all it is," Nathan said. "Do you have any friends around here yet?"

"No. Not yet. I have my room mate, but he has his own things to do."

Nathan grinned. "Well how about you come join be and my friend for now. I mean I'm your friend, right?"

Eddward smiled again, but this time completely genuine. "Of course you are my friend. Thank you for the invitation. Are you sure your other friend won't mind? I wouldn't want to intrude."

Nathan waved his free hand in dismissal. "Intrude? No, he won't mind. Trust me." Nathan took Eddward's hand before the black haired boy could say anything more. 

As they approached a table, Eddward found himself fiddling with his hat with his free hand. His fingers touched a line of skin under the fabric that was slightly harsher than the rest. 

Nathan's voice pulled him back out from his head. "Hey, so this is the one I told you about yesterday."

Eddward smiled again, nervous. He raised his eyes, looking at the boy across from him. He had fiery ginger hair and freckled skin. His gaze met a pair of eyes that were so green they could outshine that of the lushest rain forest. The boy was obviously taller than Eddward, noticeable even as he sat. He was wearing a dark green jacket that reminded him or someone from when he was young.

The two looked at each other for a moment before Nathan spoke again. "Kevin? You alright there man? I know he's cute and all but you don't have to zone out on me."

The two looked at each other for another moment before the ginger finally spoke. Something suddenly danced in Eddward's memory, lighting up like a fire he _should_ feel. But he couldn't quite pick it. The voice that spoke resonated through Eddward's and in an instant something like a far gone memory floating back to the surface.

"Dee?"

Eddward and the boy stared at each other for another moment. Edward's face warmed up as a soft smile grew. "Hello, Kevin."

Nathan looked between the two for a moment, utterly confused. "Wait so you two know each other? Kev, why didn't you tell me you knew him?"

"You didn't tell me his name when you told me, you idiot," Kevin said before looking back at Eddward. 

Nathan just stood there after that, watching the exchange.

Kevin stepped forward first, but in an instant Eddward's hands were wrapped around Kevin's middle. The red head's thoughts stuttered for a second before reciprocating the hug. The shorter male only reached to just under Kevin's nose, and the ginger pressed his face into the top of his beanie clad head. Eddward's hands held the fabric of his shirt tightly, as though afraid to let go. Or more truthfully, remembering the past. Eddward felt it somewhat ironic that after the morning's thoughts about things back then, he would fine someone like Kevin. He was happy, though.

Kevin smiled as Eddward finally pulled away, face tinged a slight rose. His eyes were just as blue as he remembered, now more full of life and hope. Just like the very last time he saw him. He liked that.

Eddward giggled a little, giddy under all the feelings crowding his insides. He followed Nathan's lead and took a seat, Kevin doing the same. 

Kevin had visually changed with time, Eddward noted, finally able to take in his face with more detail. His jaw was more defined, and his shoulders seemed a little wider. He was still lean though, like he was back then. Even with defined muscles, he was not too bulky. Eddward found himself liking that.

He himself still had most of the body structure he had in the past, but for more healthy. His thin limbs weren't quite as thin as they use to be, but stayed true to his somewhat dainty form. His nose was still a little upturned, button like and small, and his eyes were just as big as ever. 

Nathan stood again without a word and left, motioning to somewhere around them in silence. 

"It's good to see you, Dee." Kevin grinned, resting his arms on the table.

"It's wonderful to see you too." Eddward felt his own smile widen just a little. It faltered for a moment. "I'm...sorry I didn't keep in touch."

"No foul, Dee. You had your own life to live. S'just as much my fault. You know I've always been shit at keeping friends I can't see in person."

Eddward looked down at his hands for a moment. "I'm surprised we managed to be enrolling in the same college."

Kevin raised an eyebrow jokingly. "What, you saying I'm not smart enough to be here?"

Eddward looked at him for a moment, taking in his expression. He bit at his lip, trying to suppress another smile. "Maybe."

Kevin laughed, eyes crinkling as he did so. Eddward watched the way his face moved, remembering it, like looking at an old photo. "So what are you studying here? Obviously something smart."

"Oh-uh...science." Eddward's cheeks grew rose for a moment under the compliment.

Kevin recalled just how flustered he could bet when someone complimented him. _Cute,_ Kevin mused, stopping the moment the word crossed his mind. There was no doubt Eddward was good looking, but so was Nathan and he never thought-

he pushed it to the back of his mind.

Nathan returned, placing a plate of hot chips in front of them. "So how do you know this little cutie, Kevin?" he asked as he ate a handful of chips, laughing slightly as he watched Eddward blush ever so slightly again.

Kevin smiled, remembering. "We basically grew up together in Peach Creek. Lived in the same cul de sac for most of our lives. Got pretty close in the last years on high school."

"Really?" Nathan urged him to continue.

"Yes. We were very close, I like to think. Along with Nazz and Tyler." Eddward looked at Nathan.

"You keep in touch with either of them?" Kevin asked, but Eddward shook his head.

Kevin shrugged. "No foul."

 

Kevin couldn't help but watch Eddward as they walked back to the dormitories after eating. It was like they were back in high school. Like he was watching his back as he walked through the halls to class.

"I can't believe I didn't know our dorms were so close, too," Eddward mused. They stopped in front of the door, Eddward smiling up at them both. "I hope we can catch up again soon Kevin, Nathan."

"See ya cutie. Feel free to stop by any time." Nathan winked.Kevin elbowing him. Eddward seemed to have missed the exchange.

"It was good seeing you again, Dee. Later." Kevin smiled back, and watched as Eddward closed the door behind him.

Nathan spoke almost as soon as the two returned to their own room, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "So...what's the story with the cutie?"

Kevin looked at the green haired boy. "What do you mean?"

"You were looking at him like you were rememberin' somethin' big."

Kevin shrugged. Was he? He supposed he was. But there was a lit to remember, really. A lot of history in only a few years. He fell back onto his own bed. "I said we got history. Just a lot of it, I guess."

Nathan didn't say anything more about it after that. 

The remainder of the day went slow. Classes didn't start for another few days. By nightfall Kevin was back laying on his bed, the room dark around him. He wouldn't say the exchange between he and Eddward was awkward. He wasn't sure _what_ he'd call it, really. But there was something new mixing in his chest. It made his stomach flutter and his heart stutter, but he couldn't quite put a reason to it. 

He pushed it back down, labelling it as simple happiness to see the boy again. Rolling over, he tried to sleep.


	4. Memory Lane

Eddward stayed alone in his dorm room till maybe six at night. At one point, he ended up laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. It was good to see Kevin again. He had missed him greatly, and the safety the ginger boy had always given him created a warm glow inside his hear. But with the meeting, memories resurfaced. Memories that Edd would have much rather leave buried. 

The door opened, and Sam wandered in. Eddward pushed himself up onto his elbows. "Welcome back."

"Hey, Eddward." Sam rummaged through his drawers, and stood behind the partition that was now added between the two beds. "Did you eat anything?"

Eddward laid back on his back. "I ate a big lunch. I'm okay." It was only a half lie. He just wasn't hungry in between all his thinking. "I met with a friend today. One I didn't think I would."

Sam popped his head into view again. "Who?"

"Someone from my hometown. I knew him from high school. He happens to be friends with some I met yesterday."

"Prolly uprising, huh?"

Eddward smiled to himself. "Yeah."

 

When Eddward fell asleep that night, he was thinking of the past. Though he wasn't yet sure if that was a good thing or not.

It was sometime after midnight when he woke suddenly, skin scrawling and body stiff. He shot up suddenly, tossing the blankets off him and dislodging his hat from his head. His breath was erratic, thumping in his rib cage like a hammer. There was sweat beading on his forehead, and his fingers kept twitching where they were curled around the fabric of his shirt. A light switched on across the room, illuminating the area in just enough light to make out Eddward's body. Although the black haired boy couldn't see much of anything, vision clouded by sleep and the building of tears. 

"Edd?"

His fingers twitched again, and moved up to his head, wrapping around his hair. 

"Dude."

Eddward couldn't hear him. Sam was speaking too quietly. 

_"Hey."_

Suddenly his breath stuttered deeply and his eyes made out Sam's shadow. He was right in front of him. Eddward wasn't sure when he'd moved there, but he couldn't focus on anything other than the hammering in his chest and the itching under his skin. His hands were still in his hair.

"S-Sorry I'm-I'm sorry," he whispered, voice broken up by his gasping for breath. He moved his hands from his head and moved them to his face, pushing at the tears that were finally falling from his eyes. "I'm so-sorry, I d-didn't mean too. I-It's my-my _fault_ _I-_ "

Sam grunted in disapproval of the apology, even if he didn't know what it meant. "Eddward," he said louder. He didn't touch Eddward, and from the way the boy seemed to be looking though him, even in the dark, he figured he shouldn't. So he waited. And slowly, after maybe a minute or two, Eddward's chest stop hammering and his fingers were no longer twitching. He didn't look at Sam. 

"I'm sorry for waking you. It won't happen again." His voice was as low as a murmur, a cold and emotionless contrast against the state he held only moment ago. 

"Don't apologise, Eddward." Sam stood up, and disappeared behind the partition. "Don't say sorry for having a bad dream."

But it was obviously more than a bad dream for the reaction that was given. Sam didn't say anymore for the time being. He'd wait till morning at least.

 

When Eddward woke up again, his head sore and his eyes irritated. His thoughts fell back to the events of late last night with a nervous heart. Sam was already up, his back to the wall as he looked at the waking boy. Eddward moved slow and heavily to the bathroom, washing his face in the sink and returning to the room. He kept his head down as he felt Sam's eyes looking at him. He didn't look up as he sat back on his bed. He heard something, and from the corner of his eye he saw the partition move.

"Edd."

Hesitantly, he lifted his head. He didn't look him in the eye though. "I'm sorry for waking you last night."

"Don't apologise, dude. But uh...does that happen...often?" Sam scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Eddward started to fidget with the hem of his shirt. "it hasn't happened for... _a while_." He swallowed, and sighed. He was tired. "I think...something triggered it...in a way."

Sam stayed silent and patient. 

"Something you may need to know about me is that I have...I suppose...mental health problems. I uh...about a year ago I was officially diagnosed with a few things. One was anxiety, one was persistent depressive disorder, and one...was post traumatic stress disorder." He laughed suddenly, quiet and not at all happy. "I sort of wish I hadn't been diagnosed at all." He looked Sam in the eye now. "Yesterday I told you I met with a friend I haven't seen for a substantial about of time, yes?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"I theorise that seeing him caused a shift in my thought process."

"What do you...I mean..." Sam scratched his head again. "I'm sorry I don't really get-"

"Seeing him brought back memories. And I seem to have dreamed them," Eddward supplied simply.

Sam was silent again for a moment, but his curiosity seemed to get the better of him. "What ah...happened?"

Eddward stayed silent for a minute before taking a deep breath. "To put things simply, I was bullied. Some would say-no... _most_ would say that...it was bad. Years of it, increasing as it went. And at one point, I had no one to rely on. Kevin was the first to uh... _help_ me. He helped keep me safe as best he could." Eddward swallowed. "But even after that, it continued for a while. So from the start till the end they-no... _I_...did something because of what they did...I guess." He fidgeted with his sleeves.

"Did you-" He cut himself off.  By the way Eddward was playing with his sleeves, he thought he might know. He wasn't to attuned with these things, but he could be perceptive when he needed to be.

Eddward breathed deep. "I try to be...open with these thing. I don't wear it like a medal but...I'm trying to accept the past." He pulled at his sleeves again. "I hurt myself." It was a statement, but it held far more weight that Sam could understand. "And it was a...stupid way to handle things, I know." He kept his head down.

Sam stayed silent still. He wondered why the boy trusted him so much. Maybe it was just who he was - a trusting person.

"At the time, it was the only way I knew how to... _cope_. i think that seeing my friend so suddenly, caused me to over think everything that happened that caused...it. "

For some reason, it felt nice to tell someone, even if it was only that. He was feeling a little less alone. But it didn't stop the way his stomach knotted up as he thought about the reasons behind his scars, both inside and out.


	5. Days Past

Kevin didn't sleep late the next day, waking around eight in the morning. By the time he was entirely awake though, Nathan had managed to convince him into looking at the sports facilities once again. To him merit, neither of them had really spent more than a passing glace on them. The sports section to the college was well maintained from what they saw. The work out area was well stocked, and the locker rooms were thankfully far better than the ones housed in high schools. The last place they ended up at was of course, the football field. It was well sized, almost intimidatingly so. To think the two of them would be able to play there one day in the so near future. They took seat in the stands after a while, basking in the sun like a couple of relaxed reptiles.

Kevin voiced that he felt like a happy snake.

Nathan said his snake was happy.

Kevin hit him.

"So how do you know Edd? I mean, I want the whole shebang this time."

Kevin turned to his friend. "Why are you so interested?" It was the umpteenth time he asked. But Kevin had a feeling Nathan knew there was more than what was on the surface.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "I feel like he has more to do with the part of the past you don't really talk about."

Kevin felt correctly. He sighed. "Sure you want to know the story? It's a bit of a...complex story."

The teal haired boy nodded once. He looked sure.

Kevin sighed again, leaning back onto the seat behind him. "Well, as I said, we basically grew up together. I mean...kind of. We weren't friend per say, in the early years, but uh...he wasn't a bad kid."

"What was he like?"

"A dork." Kevin laughed. "He was a complete dork. Sweater vests and all. I mean he prolly still is but...he was such a nerd back then. Hella smart and shit. Growing up I probably gave him a harder time than I should've-hell I know I did. But uh...yeah." There was a gap of silence where Kevin closed his eyes against the sun. "There were two other kids in the street he was close with. Ed and Eddy." He looked at Nathan suddenly, who looked extremely amused. "I know. Funny, right? Ed was a chill dude too, I guess. A little slow and way too loud, but a good kid. Eddy was a prick though. Everyone knew it. He manipulated people and conned them out of whatever he could. Thing is, he pulled the the other two into it with him. Made out like he was their friend. Maybe he was, I mean I don't know. Didn't act like it a lot. For all the brains Dee had, he didn't seem to see that. Or maybe it was just he didn't really have any other friends at all. That was it. Just the three of them.

"So uh...because of Eddy, the three of 'em made enemies pretty often. Me included, although I kind of knew it was all his fault most times. So you know how these things go. They got bullied. Nothin' that big to start with. But somewhere along the line it got worse. And when we all his high school, Ed and Eddy split off from Dee. Flew under the radar. Dee didn't." Nathan looked at him in silence.

"Maybe it was because he was smaller. You know all thin limbs and tiny hands. Even more than now. I don't really know why. But from the outside it just seemed like light messing around still. You know, name calling and tripping. But thing's started to happen. I don't really understand this stuff all too well, but uh...he basically got super super depressed. Blank faced kind of depressed. No emotion. It was frickin' scary. Somewhere along the line he cut everyone off all together. Didn't even look at me or the others. No one really noticed he was off. I mean, people probably noticed, but no one helped. Not even us. I didn't get he was depressed. So I gave him space instead of steppin' up.

"First time I actually noticed something was seriously wrong was when he tripped in the hall and I caught him. He wouldn't look me in the eye, but his face looked terrified. Like I was going to hurt him or something. He left. Thought maybe it was a one off. You know but uh...that day I met him on the way home. Talked to him. I don't remember what exactly he said, but I can say it was bad." He sighed deeply, leaning forward to rest

Nathan swallowed as Kevin cast his eyes to somewhere on the other side of the football field. From what he'd seen of Eddward, he never would have guessed something like that was under his sleeves.

"But I mean it didn't end there. I mean...one time I found him in the bathroom. I texted him when he didn't show for class and I found him hiding under the sink. He had a bruise and he wouldn't tell me what happened. But a couple days later or something, he was getting beat up by some kids in the lunch room and his jacket slipped off. Word got around, and he didn't go back to school for a week. Some people even said he killed himself."

"Jesus," Nathan mumbled.

Kevin nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Things died down a little. I think people pitied him. But I like to think they figured out what they were doing was wrong. But this new kid showed up. Apparently D use to know him. He messed him up a lot more than anything before."

"What'd he do?"

Kevin took a deep breath, sitting back against the seats behind him. "He put him in the hospital."

Nathan's eyes widened.

"A broken arm, a broken leg, four broken ribs, and a six inch open fracture in his head." The almost clinical way Kevin listed the injuries made Nathan shiver. "You wouldn't see the scar on his head, though. I doubt he's taken his hat off since. He has a mark on his cheek still, I noticed. Only small, but it's still there."

"What about the guy who did it?"

"Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon." He didn't elaborate. His hand moved to his abdomen, pressing against it like it hurt. Nathan felt like there was something more that Kevin wasn't telling him, but he didn't push it. "D always had mental health problems. Anxiety and a little OCD when he was younger, but with everything that happened, it just got worse. I don't think he was ever medicated, but he got better with me and Nazz helping him. And Tyler. He kind of popped up along the way. There's some traumatic stuff there, that for sure. Hence his nervousness with confrontations and stuff."

"Tough kid, huh?"

Kevin smiled, turning to Nathan. "Yeah. Tougher than he knows."

Kevin didn't sleep late the next day, waking around eight in the morning. By the time he was entirely awake though, Nathan had managed to convince him into looking at the sports facilities once again. To him merit, neither of them had really spent more than a passing glace on them. The sports section to the college was well maintained from what they saw. The work out area was well stocked, and the locker rooms were thankfully far better than the ones housed in high schools. The last place they ended up at was of course, the football field. It was well sized, almost intimidatingly so. To think the two of them would be able to play there one day in the so near future. They took seat in the stands after a while, basking in the sun like a couple of relaxed reptiles.

Kevin voiced that he felt like a happy snake.

Nathan said his snake was happy.

Kevin hit him.

"So how do you know Edd? I mean, I want the whole shebang this time."

Kevin turned to his friend. "Why are you so interested?" It was the umpteenth time he asked. But Kevin had a feeling Nathan knew there was more than what was on the surface.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "I feel like he has more to do with the part of the past you don't really talk about."

Kevin felt correctly. He sighed. "Sure you want to know the story? It's a bit of a...complex story."

The teal haired boy nodded once. He looked sure.

Kevin sighed again, leaning back onto the seat behind him. "Well, as I said, we basically grew up together. I mean...kind of. We weren't friend per say, in the early years, but uh...he wasn't a bad kid."

"What was he like?"

"A dork." Kevin laughed. "He was a complete dork. Sweater vests and all. I mean he prolly still is but...he was such a nerd back then. Hella smart and shit. Growing up I probably gave him a harder time than I should've-hell I know I did. But uh...yeah." There was a gap of silence where Kevin closed his eyes against the sun. "There were two other kids in the street he was close with. Ed and Eddy." He looked at Nathan suddenly, who looked extremely amused. "I know. Funny, right? Ed was a chill dude too, I guess. A little slow and way too loud, but a good kid. Eddy was a prick though. Everyone knew it. He manipulated people and conned them out of whatever he could. Thing is, he pulled the the other two into it with him. Made out like he was their friend. Maybe he was, I mean I don't know. Didn't act like it a lot. For all the brains Dee had, he didn't seem to see that. Or maybe it was just he didn't really have any other friends at all. That was it. Just the three of them.

"So uh...because of Eddy, the three of 'em made enemies pretty often. Me included, although I kind of knew it was all his fault most times. So you know how these things go. They got messed with. Nothin' that big to start with. But somewhere along the line it got worse. And when we all his high school, Ed and Eddy split off from Dee. Flew under the radar. Dee didn't." Nathan looked at him in silence.

"Maybe it was because he was smaller. Nerdier. Even more than now. I don't really know why. But from the outside it just seemed like light messing around still. You know, name calling and tripping. But thing's started to happen. I don't really understand this stuff all too well, but uh...he basically got super super depressed. Blank faced kind of depressed. No emotion. It was frickin' scary. He told me he was like that before. But after the other two left, he didn't see a reason to...fake it. Somewhere along the line he cut everyone off all together. Didn't even look at me or the others. No one really noticed he was off. I mean, people probably noticed, but no one helped. Not even us. I didn't get he was depressed. So I gave him space instead of steppin' up.

"First time I actually noticed something was seriously wrong was when he tripped in the hall and I caught him. He wouldn't look me in the eye, but his face looked terrified. Like I was going to hurt him or something. He left. Thought maybe it was a one off. You know but uh...that day I met him on the way home. Talked to him. I don't remember what exactly he said, but I can say it was bad." He sighed deeply, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, fingers laced together. He turned his head to Nathan. "If I tell you this part you have to promise never to breathe a word unless Eddward says so."

The teal haired boy nodded. He was taken back by the seriousness of the entire conversation. He was content to hear Kevin out, and the stiffness that had grown over the ginger's muscles made him somewhat uneasy. He sat attentive.

Kevin swallowed and closed his eyes, head facing forward again. "He was self harming." That was all that he said for a minute. 

Nathan didn't say a word either, till a murmured, "Jesus."

"I don't know when it started but from his scars it was a fair while before we came along." He looked at Nathan for a moment. The teal haired boy swore his eyes were a little wet. He didn't mention it. "There was an incident once. A bad one. He was getting messed up by some kids in the lunch room and he slipped out of his jacket. Word got around 'bout his scars. He broke down. Didn't go to school for at least a week. Some people even said he killed himself."

"Fuck," Nathan mumbled.

Kevin nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Things died down a little. I think people pitied him. But I like to think they figured out what they were doing was wrong. But this new kid showed up. Apparently Dee use to know him. He messed him up a lot more than anything before."

"What'd he do?"

Kevin took a deep breath, leaning back against the seats behind him again. "He put him in the hospital."

Nathan's eyes widened.

"A broken arm, a broken leg, four broken ribs, and a six inch open fracture in his head." The almost clinical way Kevin listed the injuries made Nathan shiver. "You wouldn't see the scar on his head, though. I doubt he's taken his hat off since. He has a mark on his cheek still, I noticed. Only small, but it's still there."

"What about the guy who did it?"

"Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon." He didn't elaborate. His hand moved to his abdomen, pressing against it like it hurt. Nathan felt like there was something more that Kevin wasn't telling him, but he didn't push it.

"Tough kid, huh?"

Kevin smiled. From where he sat, Nathan could see a few drops of moisture balanced in the edges of his eyes. "Yeah. Tougher than he knows."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even after the re write this is soooo long compared to my normal word count.


	6. Confessions Of A COnfused Boy

It was only a few days later that classes finally started. Eddward and Sam woke up together for their separate morning classes. Tying up his converse last, Eddward looked over at Sam who was wearing a Letterman jacket. Kevin use to wear those a lot, Eddward thought.

Sam looked at him. "You good?" Eddward nodded and they left.

Eddward's first class was Mathematics. He walked in to the lecture hall and took a seat. People slowly filed in and filled the rows around him. A hand clasped his shoulder and he jumped, turning around. There stood none other than Kevin. "Hey there Dee. Didn't expect this."

Eddward smiled up at his ginger friend. "Hello Kevin. Is Nathan with you?"

"Nah he's got English." Kevin waved a dismissing hand. He took a seat next to Eddward and pulled out his own books.Eddward would be lying if he said he wasn't a little surprised that Kevin was in his Mathematics class of all things. 

Class was average and uneventful though, till a note slid onto Eddward's desk. He looked up to Kevin, then back at the paper. In messy writing, it read, _Hey, do you wanna hang out after classes?_

Eddward smiled and wrote his reply. _Of course. I would like that._

 _Cool_ , Kevin wrote with a grin.

Eddward smiled again. _Okay. It's a date._

Kevin's heart stopped as he read the reply. A slight blush grew on Kevin's face as the lesson dragged on. He turned his head slightly, hoping Eddward wouldn't see the red in his cheeks. There's no way Eddward meant it like that. More to the question, why was he embarrassed by the unintended implication?

By the time their classes were done, it was mid afternoon. Eddward waited for Kevin outside in the garden area. "Hey there cutie. Waiting for someone?"

Eddward turned to see a brown haired girl. He shorts were too short and her crop top singlet was too tight. Eddward was uncomfortable with her forwardness. "O-Oh uh yes I am."

"Why don't you come with me instead?" she winked at him, hands on her hips as she moved a little closer.

"No thank you," he said bluntly But not unkindly.

An arm was draped around Eddward's shoulders and he jumped, turning to see Kevin. "Kevin."

"Hey, Dee. Ready to go?" Kevin asked, before staring at the unknown flirt with a fake smile.

"Yes." 

Kevin steered Eddward away from the girl, who huffed and walked away. "You alright?"

"Yes." He sighed.

Kevin laughed a little and removed his arm. "Alright lets go. I'm hungry. Do you wanna go somewhere to eat?"

"I don't mind, but I could go for a snack," Eddward nodded.

Kevin led Eddward down to the student garages. They walked to a particularly clean and well looked after motor cycle. "Ready?" Kevin asked.

"We're riding on that?" Eddward asked, obviously nervous at the idea.

"Yep," Kevin grinned. He took a helmet and passed it to Eddward, putting on his own and climbing the bike. "Climb on."

Eddward was hesitated but complied, climbing onto the back with a little struggle due to his stature. He jumped as Kevin started the engine.

"Hey Dee, you're gonna want to hold on," Kevin laughed a little behind his helmet.

"H-How?"

Kevin grabbed his arms and wrapped them around his waist. The instant he did, he felt his face warm up. _  
_

_Why the hell am I flustered?  
_

He kicked back the stand and revved the engine, making Eddward cling to him tighter. They rode off down the road, Kevin very glad that his helmet hid his blushing face.

When they parked, Kevin kicked the stand down and stopped, _realising_ that Eddward's arms were still wrapped around him. "Hey Edd, you gotta let go. We're here." He chuckled.

"O-Oh...sorry," he said, unwrapping his arms and climbing off. His face was a little red. Kevin ignored the way he felt a little colder without Eddward pressed to his back. They walked inside the cute looking cafe, Kevin leading him to a booth at the end of the room. They sat down across from one another and looked at the menu. Well, Eddward looked at the menu. Kevin stared at him, wondering why his stomach felt full of butterflies. The fact that this was feeling more like an actual date didn't help.

Kevin was never one to be confused by his romantic feelings. Maybe a little, but never as much as he was now. He wasn't quite sure why. The rise of the current feelings was so sudden and without warning. But maybe it wasn't so sudden. Maybe it was just resurfacing.

"Kevin is something wrong?" Eddward asked, pulling Kevin from his thoughts. He'd been caught staring.

"Oh-uh no I was just thinking." Kevin tried not to look flustered.

A waitress came over and took their orders, coming back a moment later with a strawberry milkshake for Eddward and a chocolate for Kevin.

Kevin cleared his throat after taking a sip. "Hey Edd, can I...talk to you about something?"

"Sure Kevin. What is it?"

The ginger swallowed whatever was keeping his back. "Okay so-um...say you have a friend and uh...you think you like that friend...as in more than friends, but you don't know. Say you've never really thought about them like that until recently but you don't know if they're into you."

Kevin felt like a high school girl gossiping in the lunch room.

Eddward didn't look fazed. He thought for a moment. "Okay. Is it a girl or a boy?" He said it simply, as though it wasn't a difficult thing for Kevin to admit.

Kevin hesitated again. "Would it...be a problem if it was a boy?"

Eddward looked surprised at that. Kevin's stomach lurched for a moment.. "Of course not. I would just say I am a little surprised, but not entirely shocked. Sexuality in a spectrum, after all." Kevin sighed internally. "So it is a boy then? And you don't know if they like you back?"

Kevin nods. "Yeah."

"Why not ask them? As nervous as it may make you, there is only one way to find out if they are interested in you. Body language is not always a reliable indicator. And if they're your friend, they shouldn't have to make it embarrassing." Eddward smiled.

Kevin was conflicted. Did Eddward really believe it didn't have too be that hard? Was he right? Would it all work out?

His mind was screaming at him in a chant of, _No don't ask him! Don't do it!_ He took a deep breath. "Dee can I ask you another question?"

"Of course."

"Do you like guys?"

Eddward was still oblivious to Kevin's implications, and it made the gingers stomach curl in anxiety. "I don't really know honestly. I have never really found myself sexually attracted to anyone. I have more of a...romantic connection. I suppose something like asexual," he continued. "Although I don't see myself caring whether it was a boy or a girl. I think It more matters _who_ they are than what gender they are."

Kevin hesitated again. The whole conversation seemed to be like that, full of one sided anxiety. "So you mean, their gender doesn't mean anything? You just like them for them?"

"Correct."

Kevin took a deep breath and looked Eddward in the eyes. They were so blue Like the sky. A sky he so wished he could fly away in. "Dee." The blue eyes wonder looked back at him. Patient. Calm. Happy. "I like you.

His cheeks were red and his stomach was knotted in nervousness. 

"I know I only just got to see you again after so long but...I know you. And I know my feelings...to an extent." His eyes ripped away from Eddward's, suddenly very interested in watching the condensation on the outside of their half empty milkshake glasses.

Kevin looked back after a moment of silence. Eddward's eyes were wide and his face was bright red. When they connected eyes, Eddward looked down at his hands awkwardly. 

Kevin's heart clenched. He looked away too. "I'm sorry."

There was another bout of silence. "Why would you be sorry for that?" he murmured.

"I don't know I guess I just didn't want to freak you out but it looks like that's what I did." Kevin mumbled back. Eddward didn't answer. "C'mon Eddward. Let's go back."

He nodded and stood up, avoiding eye contact as they paid and left the cafe, dropping some money at the till.

 _Dammit. You idiot,_ the ginger scolded himself.

Eddward tried to push away the way he felt when Kevin called him his full name instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even after a re write I'm still bad at romance stuff. Blame it on extreme lack of experience.


	7. Not Like You

The bike ride back from the cafe was agonisingly silent. They reached the garage and climbed off, walking through the garden to the dormitories. Kevin watched the way Eddward climbed from the bike and stole a single second look at the red head before looking away with heavy eyes and heart. They walked in silence still, until Eddward grabbed the back or Kevin's jacket with a shaky hand. Kevin turned and looked down at him. He could see his eyes were watering.

"Edd?" he asked quietly, unsure. He stopped walking.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in return.

"What, why?" Kevin frowned, his heart feeling a little heavier than a second ago.

"I-I made things awkward. And I-I," he swallowed, keeping his eyes downcast and to the side. "I think I like you t-too, but I don't-I'm not like normal people with relationships and things-"

Kevin heart stuttered. He turned fully and put his hands in his shoulders, cutting him off from his talking. He sighed. But not from exasperation. "Eddward listen to me. I-I like you. And I'm confused because I never really like a guy before but the only thing that matters is that it's _you_. I know you. I've known you most of my life. If this is about what you said about you being more like...romantically attracted, then...it doesn't matter. You're you."

Tears gathered in his eyes and threatened to fall down his cheeks. "But why me? Why not someone better?"

"I like you because it's you," he stated again. Eddward stayed quiet, thick tears rolling down his face in heavy droplets. Kevin wrapped him in a hug, pulling his head under his chin. "Dee, I'm not asking you to date me. Not yet. That's not fair of me. I'm just asking that we take the time to reconnect again or whatever and then see what happens. Okay?" He let go and looked down at Eddward, wiping away the smaller boy's tears with his thumbs as he cupped his cheeks.

Eddward looked up with his gorgeously blue eyes and nodded gently against the warm hands of the green eyed boy. He reached out and hugged Kevin's waist, whispering, "Okay."

Kevin hugged him back and smiled into his hair. "C'mon Dee. Let's go."

They walked back to the dormitory, sides close together and fingers tangling slightly as they moved. Kevin said his goodbyes to Eddward, the latter hugging him tightly again, and left for his own room. The ginger opened his door and walked in, falling on his bed with relief. 

"So Kevin. What happened with your little date?" Nathan asked, smirking from his bed. Kevin blushed and pulled a pillow over his face.

 _He said he likes me_ _too_ , he smiled like a lovesick fool.

But maybe he was. He didn't care.

 

The following day Kevin woke and sat up with a groan as his limps protested his movement. Nathan was still asleep in the bed next to him, snoring. Throwing a pillow onto his face. The teal haired sleeper stirred, sitting up and growling at Kevin. "Sorry dude but I think it's almost midday," Kevin chuckled. Nathan just mumbled something unrecognisable and crawled out of bed and to the showers before the two of them left for the food court.

"So are you and cutie dating?" Nathan asks with a raised brow as he sipped on his coffee.

A faint blush grew on Kevin's cheeks, but he ignored it. "No. Not yet."

"But why? I know there's something you didn't tell me about yesterday isn't there." Nathan sat up, looking at the ginger. "Spill."

Kevin sighed. "He didn't say it outright, but...he said he doesn't really think he's good enough."

"Why would the cutie say that?" Nathan raised another brow.

"Well he's always had a low self worth. But he said he didn't feel good enough because of something like he was more romantically involved. Not sexual."

"Ah." Nathan didn't mention the talk the two had had. "It that a problem?"

"No. I like him for him so no, it doesn't matter that he's not comfortable with... _that_. Or doesn't want too. Or whatever."

Nathan looked at Kevin, the two staying silent. After a moment, "That's not the only thing is it?"

Kevin hesitated. How did he always know? "I-uh...I don't know. I've never dated a guy before. What if I'm not good enough for _him_?"

"He'd not just _a guy_. He's Eddward! He's the little cutie you went to school with. The same guy. Just show him you care, and you'll be good enough."

Kevin took a deep breath. "And how do I do that?"

"That, my dear ginger friend, you have to figure out on your own." Nathan smiled.

Kevin sighed and rested his cheek against his palm, thinking. 

 

It was late afternoon when he knocked on Eddward's door, stomach fluttering in nervousness. His fist tapped against the wood as he recounted exactly what he wanted to say for the umpteenth time. With thoughts of Nathan's thumbs up and encouraging smirk, he assured himself. _I can do this._

The door opened. 

Kevin swallowed.

Eddward smiled, looking up at him with swimming blue eyes, begging the ginger to drown in them. "Hello Kevin. Can I help you with something?"

"Oh-uh...I just thought maybe we could go out tomorrow. I don't have your number so I thought I'd just come and ask you in person." Kevin scratched his head awkwardly, internally scolding himself for not saying it _how he rehearsed!_

Eddward's smiled sweetly, despite the red dusting his cheeks. "Of course. Just ah...let me grab my phone." Edd turned, hiding his blush as he walked to his desk, grabbing his phone and returning to the door. Edd typed down the number as Kevin spoke and saved it. "So where are we planning to go?"

"It's a secret."

"I'll be happy to go as long as we're going together," Eddward mumbled.

Kevin smiled at this. "Good. I'll come past tomorrow around midday to pick you up. I'll see you then, Dee."

The door closed and Eddward sat on his bed in a sudden laps in energy. For a minute, he felt like he was swimming, and slowly loosing air. Doubts washed through his brain in the form of self worth and probability of things _actually working_. 

Because he wasn't _normal_. He wasn't the _same_ as others. He wasn't _right_. He was a little broken and a little unfixable. Maybe He wasn't meant be happy in that way - to catch feelings. Maybe he was meant to be alone. Just himself and his own head.

But if he was, then why was the thought of being close to Kevin making his stomach mix around in a cocktail of anxiety and anticipation? 


	8. A Date?

Eddward woke to his alarm mid morning on Sunday. Clicking it off, he crept to the bathroom to shower without waking Sam, the boy still snoring lightly. Stepping into the warm stream of water, his thoughts began to run wild about the day set before him. He ignored the way his thoughts from the night before tried to push their way back into his skull. Stepping back from the water, he turned it off and changed. Creeping back into his room, he was startled by Sam, who was now sitting awake in his bed. 

"What's the rush, Edd? You look a little nervous."

Eddward looked away from the brown haired boy and fiddled with his wallet and phone of his bed. "N-Nervous why would I be nervous?"

Sam smiled sleepily and raised a brow. "I don't know. You tell me."

Eddward looked down at his toes and played with the hem of his jumper, turning back to Sam. "I...I-uh I am going out with someone."

Sam's smile grew. "Really? Who's the lucky girl?"

He hesitated. "Oh-uh...It's not...uh-"

"So it's a boy then?" Sam asked, not missing a beat.

Eddward looked up, Sam still smiling. "You do not have a problem with that?" he asked cautiously, quietly.

"Course not. A little surprised though, I didn't know you were gay."

"I...I don't actually know what I am," he mumbled looked back at his feet.

"What do you mean?"

Eddward shrugged. "I've never really liked anyone before. I don't...know."

"Oh." Sam looked a little amused. Not condescending, just...amused.

"I don't know...what to do. When you like someone." Eddward fiddled with his jumper.

"Just be you. It's a date with someone you-"

"Kevin never said it was a date but-"

Sam looked a little surprised. "Kevin? Isn't that that friend you met with the other day?"

Eddward blushed brightly. "Oh-uh...y-yes."

"Then...if you know him already then why are you so nervous?"

Eddward looked away from Sam. "A-As I said, I've never liked anyone before. Let alone had someone reciprocate it."

"If this is your first date, or whatever this is, then you must really like the guy, huh." Sam smiled again. Eddward looked back down and nodded. "Just be you, Edd. Like I said."

Eddward smiled and looked back up. "I will try."

He started to look through his drawers for an outfit. "Oh and Edd?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Cool scar."

Eddward's hands shot up to his head to where his beanie was missing. He hadn't put it back on after his shower during all his nerves. Atop his damp head curved the scar, about a centimetre wide. It reached from half way back on the right side of his scalp, curling jagged and sharply down to just above his right eyebrow. Eddward grew red as he dug though the clothes on his bed to retrieve his missing hat. Reclaiming it, he returned. "Please pretend you didn't see that."

"But it's cool. Why do you hide it?"

Eddward hesitated."I am...a little self-conscious of it."

"Oh. How'd you get it?" 

Eddward's smile disappeared and his stomach dropped.  

Sam frowned. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He nodded. "I appreciate your understanding."

 

Nathan sat there grinning the entire time as Kevin got ready for him not-date. Finally sick of his silent excitement, Kevin spoke. "What?"

Nathan smiled wider. "Nothing, just watching my best friend get ready for a date with his dream cutie."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Shut up. It's not a date."

"So where are you gonna take him?"

"I was thinking maybe to the cafe we went to the other day. And I uh...saw posters for that beach carnival thingy down near the beach on the other side of the city. It's not big or anything but there's a few rides and games and stuff. I think he'll enjoy it."

"That sounds pretty cool." There was a silence. "You really do like him don't you?"

Kevin looked away. "Yeah I do. Why?"

"It's just that you never really took things slow with anyone in the past. I know you've never dated a guy but it's not that different. You're taking this slow because you don't want to ruin it. This isn't some one night stand for you. You really like him." Nathan smiled.

"...I don't want to rush things, I want to show him that I'm good enough for him...and again, I didn't say it was a date."

"Wow. The mighty Kevin Barr wants to prove himself?"

"Shut up," Kevin mumbled.

As afternoon approached, Kevin grabbed his things and made his way to Eddward's room. Nathan grinned and wished him luck as he left. "You kids have fun. Don't stay out too late," he mocked in a parental tone. Kevin just rolled his eyes and left. Reaching Eddward's door, he became increasingly nervous. _  
_

_Calm down dammit. It's just two friends going out...two friends who like each other. Shit this is like a date._

He knocked and waited for an answer. The door opened showing an equally nervous looking Eddward, dressed in a pair of shorts, and a dark blue jacket, making his eyes look bluer than the sky on a sunny day. _  
_

_Damn those eyes are so beautiful it kills me_. 

Kevin shook his thoughts away, but wouldn't deny how he was also thinking about how good his shorts looked on his legs. "Ready to go?" he asked.

Eddward nodded. "Yes." He turned around looking back into his room. "Goodbye Sam."

Kevin looked past Eddward to see the boy sitting on his bed. Sam looked up and smiled. "Have fun, you two."

Kevin and Eddward both blushed and left, Sam chuckling quietly at them.

Arriving at Kevin's motorbike, they both climbed on. "Where are we going, Kevin?"

"I thought we would go to the cafe from the other day first."

Eddward wrapped his arms around Kevin. "That sounds nice."

"Yeah."

"Kevin?"

"Hmm?"

Eddward's face felt warmer still. "It this...a date?"

There was a silence. "Do you want it to be?"

Eddward's stomach flipped as his mind pushed away the beginning of more doubts, replacing them with warmth. "I do."

"Then it's a date." Kevin grinned behind his helmet.

Eddward's heart felt like it had wings.


	9. City Lights And Ocean Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't understand how dates work. I'm guessing.

The cafe was mostly empty when Kevin and Eddward walked in, just like last time. They took a booth seat, ordering food and drinks. Kevin wasn't sure how Eddward was feeling all through the past days, but he knew that his insides were rippled with nervousness. He was happy too, though. 

"Kevin can I ask you a question?" Eddward spoke, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

"Of course," Kevin replied, sipping his drink.

A few moments passes. "Have I changed that much from before? From when we were children?"

The ginger wasn't quite sure where it came from, but he answered anyway. "You've changed. Definitely. But for the better. You're still short, and you're still a dork though," Kevin grinned affectionately.

"I can't change that," he pouted, good naturedly.

"I would expect nothing less. You don't need to change."

 

It was late afternoon as they climbed back onto the bike, Eddward holding Kevin's waist tight, still a little scared of the contraption. "Kevin where are we going?"

Kevin grinned behind his helmet. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh." Eddward pouted.

"Stop pouting. You'll see soon enough." Kevin chuckled.

"How did you know I was pouting?"

"I just know. Now hold on, we're leaving." He smiled.

They rode off down the road towards the carnival, unbeknownst to Eddward of course. A beautiful artwork painted the sky as sunset approached. Perfect pinks and gorgeous golds mixed and mingled in the canvas above and before them. The city lights flashed and gleamed like the night stars as the time went on. Eddward held tight to Kevin as they road through the city, the cool night air mixed with the speed on the bike tickling the bare skin on his neck and wrists. As time passed, the real night stars made their appearance and looked down on them. The gentle beauty of the setting sun quickly became replaced by the defined wonder of the night sky. Eddward became lost in the warmth of Kevin's back.

The bike stopped in a parking lot and they climbed off, Kevin helping Eddward as he stumbled slightly.

"Are we here?" Eddward asked, looking around.

"Not quite. Come on." Kevin held out his hand. Eddward blushed a little but took it, allowing the ginger to lead him to their destination. The two walked for only a few minutes before Kevin stopped. Before the two, lay a glorious beach carnival. Stands of food and games stood on the damp sand. People walked around eating cotton candy, laughing, smiling but one thing stood out above all the gently lights and laughter; a glorious Ferris wheel, turning and shining. Kevin looked down at Eddward and saw the lights dancing and twirling in his eyes. _  
_

_Fuck he's beautiful_. 

"Do you like it?"

Eddward looked up at Kevin, smiling his wonderful tooth gaped smile. "I love it, Kevin. Thank you for bringing me here. It's beautiful."

Kevin chuckled. "Come on. Let's go over there." Tugging Eddward's hand, he led him to the beach. They walked through the stands, becoming quickly enveloped in the laughter and smiles of those around them. Kevin left his side for a moment, returning with two sticks of cotton candy. Eddward's eyes lit up like a child as he took the sweet cloud of blue sugar, taking a bite. They walked along for a while before stopping at a small ball toss game.

The vendor, a short and chubby man, spoke with a gruff voice. "Three points and you win one of those." He pointed to a row of medium sized stuffed animals. "Two and you win one of these." He pointed to a basket of small plastic trinkets. "One point and you win nothing."

Kevin looked down at Eddward, whose gaze was fixated on a stuffed white rabbit. Smiling, Kevin pulled out a five dollar note and handed it to the vendor. Taking a basketball he aimed and took a shot. Bouncing off the back board, it fell though the net. The second shot did the same, as did the third. "We have a winner," the vendor sung, lacking all enthusiasm.

Kevin smirked. "I'll have that one." Kevin said, pointing to the white rabbit. The vendor passed it over and Kevin looked back at Eddward, handing him the rabbit. "Here." Eddward's face grew slightly red as his grin expanded.

"Thank you," he smiled, holding the rabbit to his chest.

_Fuckin' adorable._

Kevin smiled. "Come on. Do you want to ride the Ferris wheel?"

Eddward laughed, hand moving to his mouth. "Of course."

The moment the two of them took a seat on the ride, Eddward looked around them and admired the scenery. 

Kevin looked at Eddward, admiring him. The lights of the carnival below them played in his eyes, dancing with the sky they held.

Eddward turned his head to Kevin, holding his rabbit on his lap. "Kevin can I ask you something?"

The ginger smiled. "Of course you can."

Eddward looked down to his lap. "I um...know this is a...sudden question, and I don't want to ruin tonight but uh...why did you want to go on a date with me?"

Kevin frowned a little. "Because I...like you?"

The black haired boy hesitated. "No I mean uh... _why_ do you...want to date me."

Realisation dawned on the ginger. _Oh._

Eddward looked at him, anxiety in his eyes. Kevin put his hand on Eddward's, that was now rested on his knee. "I'll tell you everything else another time. Every thought. I promise. I'll write you a list one day with absolutely everything on it." Eddward smiled and looked down, trying to hide his red cheeks. They seemed to be permanently tinged with the colour. His fingers twitched underneath Kevin's. "For now, I'll just tell you this. One thing I know for sure at this exact moment, is that you make me happy. Just looking at you makes me smile. That's all I know for sure at _the_ moment but that's all I need."

The blushing boy smiled. "I like you too, Kevin. You make me feel warm and safe and... _happy_." There was a gap of silence. "Thank you."

"Thank you for what?"

"For everything. For the things you've done for me in the past, for the things you're doing for me now and at this moment, for tonight. Thank you."

"Thank you too, Dee."

"Why?"

"For giving me a chance. I want to prove to you that I'm good enough for you to like and you're giving me that chance."

Eddward blushed harder, burying his face in the white rabbit. The two sat in blissful silence for the rest of the ride. They disembarked and made their way back to the motorbike. Riding back to the college, Eddward admired the night sky as Kevin smiled at the warm presence of the boy against his back. Kevin parked the bike in the college and the two climbed off. Walking to the dormitory, they both felt warm and content in how the night had gone. Stopping at Eddward's door, Kevin looked at him. 

Eddward wrapped his arms around Kevin's middle. "Thank you for tonight, Kevin. It was wonderful."

Hugging him back, Kevin smiled. "I enjoyed it too. Would you...like to go out again?"

"Of course. I would like that." Eddward stood back and smiled. "Good night, Kevin."

"Good night, Dee." Kevin smiled as the other disappears inside his room.

Returning to his own, Kevin fall down on his bed in sudden exhaustion and happiness. Nathan grins. "A little late isn't it?" Kevin just smiles. "It went good, I take it?"

"Yeah. It did."

"Pretty good for a first date then?"

"Yeah." Kevin felt like a teenage girl. "It was pefect."

 

Eddward closed the door behind him, a smile on his face. Sam sat up on his bed, smiling back at him. "So how'd it go?" he asked.

He walked over and sat on his bed own, smiling. "It was wonderful. He took me to a cafe and then we went to the beach carnival on the other side of the city. It was glorious. Oh and...he won me this." Eddward bit his lip as he held up the stuffed white rabbit.

"It sounds like it was pretty good for your first date."

Eddward laid back and put his arms ever his face. "Yes it was.

_My first date._


	10. Good Enough

Nathan and Eddward sat in the lecture hall, waiting for class to start. Eddward's mind was replaying the beautiful memory of the night before. The twinkling city lights and the awe filling artwork that had filled the setting sky played over and ever, making him fell warm and happy. Nathan turned to Eddward.

"Did you enjoy your date with Kevin?"

Pulled from his thoughts, Eddward's face grew red. He nodded meekly.

"You like him a lot, huh?"

"Sam said the same thing after I got back." He looked down and smiled. "Is it that obvious to you?"

"Very. Do you think you'll actually date him?" Nathan knew he was being blunt.

Eddward hesitated, face suddenly showing signs of nervousness. His heart was thumping. "It's complicated."

"How so?"

Eddward looked up at him for a second, before casting his eyes back to his fiddling hands. "I don't uh...the idea of... _sex_ confuses me. I don't know how to explain it."

"You don't really think Kevin likes you for sex, right?" Nathan knew that wasn't what was happening, but he needed Eddward to see things from a different angle.

The nervous boy looked at him so fast his fringe moved against his forehead. "I-I know that I just-" He stopped talking and looked back down. There was an inner turmoil curling around inside him now, growing like a virus.

Nathan smiled. Reassuring. "How bout we go have a coffee after class and we can talk a bit more."

Eddward nodded.

 

The class dragged on, uneventful and somewhat boring, for Nathan anyway. Eddward was furiously scribbling down notes, filling almost two pages by the time the class was done. In truth, the black haired boy was just trying to distract himself. 

Nathan smiled to himself though, unaware. He agreed with what Kevin calling the boy - affectionately of course - a nerd. When class finished and they were all dismissed, the two walked to the food court and ordered coffee. Nathan watched Eddward stir in three packets of sugar. "So you've known Kevin a long time, huh?"

Eddward clinked his spoon down loudly. "I-uh...I've know him since I was a child, yes."

It was quite for a while. "And you've never dated anyone before?"

"No." Eddward shook his head, a little embarrassed.

"Interesting. You're cute so I just figured you would have."

"A-As I said, I just...firstly I've never liked anyone before. And even now I don't really get... _sexually_ attracted. It's...confusing." His voice was small. Sad.

Nathan smiled easily. "Kevin doesn't like you for sex. I said that." Eddward kept his eyes away, and sipped at his drink. "He's special then, huh?"

"Yes. It was...concerning for me, growing up without _feelings_ toward people. I tried not to think about it, but it was...hard. So many people around me got to the age where they were getting crushes and dating and things, and I was left behind. I didn't really understand it. I won't lie, it hurt. Every one looked so happy to be with someone, and I couldn't even empathise with the feeling. It gets to the point where you just feel broken." He sipped his coffee again. "It gets to the point where all you can think about is how you might be alone forever - how you might never have that person to share your life with. Just you. Just yourself. And that hurts." He took a deep breath. Nathan suspected he felt like he might cry. "So, you can understand my confusion when I start to feel _something_...for Kevin."

Nathan didn't say anything for a moment. "He helped you a lot in the past too, didn't he?"

"A lot. More than I can ever thank him for. I guess he's told you a thing or two?"

"Only recently. I hope you don't mind."

Eddward shook his head and looked at the cup in his hands. "No. It's his past too. Not just mine."

Nathan smiled and sipped his own drink. "So why did you leave Peach Creek anyway?"

"I wanted to study here. But I suppose, I also just found it hard to stay there. Because of the things that happened."

It was quiet for a while again, before Nathan cleared his throat, but Eddward's mind was already occupied. All he wanted was a connection with someone else, but he couldn't find it for so long, and the more he thought about it the more if felt utterly hopeless. In the end it would just make him cry out of loneliness.

"Do you want to be Kevin's boyfriend?"

Eddward looked up at Nathan, but he didn't answer.

 

 

The black haired boy sat on his bed, the back of his head leaning against the wall, deep in thought. Sam watched the boy quietly, noticing how silent he had been since returning from classes. His face was blank yet his eyes held a distant look of internal conflict. Sam cleared his throat. "You alright, Edd?" Eddward didn't answer. "Eddward?" he asked louder.

He blinked and looked at Sam. "Yes?"

"I asked if you're all right. You just look a little...I don't know. _Off."_ Sam scratched his head.

"I'm fine, Sam. Thank you for asking," he hesitated for only a second, slightly surprised by Sam's well placed inquiry.

"You're not a very good liar you know that right?"

"I've been told as such."

"Then what's up?"

"It's nothing. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable, and it isn't something easy for me to talk about."

Sam frowned. Eddward looked back down at his lap, debating whether or not to confide in his room mate. "You sure?"

"Please, Sam. I don't wish to talk about it right now. It's not that I don't trust you I just...it's just not something I want to talk about...sorry." Eddward kept his eyes down.

"It's alright."

"Thank you." Eddward looked up at Sam and smiled. He shuffled around and pulled his blankets over himself. "Goodnight Sam." It wasn't even late. He hadn't even eaten dinner.

Sam turned his lamp off a while later. Time passed. Sam wasn't sure how much but he swore he heard Eddward sniffle a few times through the dark.

He couldn't shake his thoughts. They hurt, weighing down on his heart and threatening to break it. Years had passed and Eddward had always felt broken and defective. The happiness and love that he saw people share with their significant other hurt him, making him feel lonely and pained beyond belief. He's always been that way; not feeling attraction to people, sexual or otherwise, and it hurt. But that's the way Eddward was. 

He never once saw himself as someone that other people would love and that hurt, but that was from something different all together.

Eddward's eyes began to water as his thoughts went on and on. Sniffling, he rolled over and pressed his face into his pillow, desperately trying to keep from crying.

He thought of the ginger, that he desperately wanted to be _his_ , but in the end, it only made him cry more.

He didn't feel good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried not to change this too much during the re write. The thoughts towards the sexuality were taken almost directly from my own head. I might be a little better now with as time has passed, but it is still very much like this. But for me my mental instability falls into making it worse.


	11. Beach Plans

Kevin and Nathan were sitting on the football field, waiting for class to start. It was't too early, at the right time where the sun was warm but not overly so. 

"I was looking through one of my old books from school the other day, andIi didn't mention it but I found Dee's birth date."

"Yeah?" Nathan replied, wondering where the statement was headed.

"Yeah and turns out it's next Saturday."

Nathan raised a brow. "It's that close and he hasn't said anything?"

"I don't think he's ever really celebrated it." Kevin scratched his chin. "Don't remember him ever having a party or anything through the whole of when we were living in Peach Creek."

"Not one?"

Kevin shook his head.

"How come?"

"Well I mean, it was just another thing his parents didn't care about. And even when he got older I guess he didn't really feel...the need too. Or maybe it had somethin' to do with the fact he didn't have many friends."

"So why did this come up? You planning something?" Nathan cocked his head.

Kevin smiled. "Maybe. He wouldn't have much fun at a club or anything, he'd just have a panic attack or something."

"Makes sense...for him." They sat silent, thinking for a moment. "Beach party?" Nathan asked.

Kevin looked at him. "You know that's not a bad idea...coming from you."

Nathan frowned. "What do you mean 'from me'?"

Kevin shrugged. "Just didn't think you'd want anything else other than a club or somewhere you can hit on people."

Nathan grinned. "You underestimated me yet again, Kevin. So the beach?"

"Sounds good."

"Who would we invite? I mean, other than us who does he hang out with?"

Kevin shrugged again. "His room mate seems pretty nice. A chill dude.His name's Sam. Then...maybe I can get in touch with Nazz and Tyler."

"Your friends from high school?" Nathan cocked his head again.

Kevin nods. "Yeah I mean, we only lost touch because they moved away. They cared a lot about Dee so I don't think they'll turn it down. Besides, I still got Nazz's number and she's most likely still in touch with Tyler."

"Sounds like a plan. So are we gonna tell the cutie?"

"Nah. Keep it a surprise." The ginger grinned at his green haired friend.

"You're evil." Nathan laughed, lightly punching Kevin's arm.

More people started to show up for class. The two looked around, Kevin spotting Sam approaching the field. Pointing, he directed Nathan's attention to him. "That guy there with the dark brown hair, that's Sam."

Nathan's eyes fell on him. "Ooo he's pretty."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Mind on topic, Goldberg. Pretty sure he's straight."

"Mhm." Nathan nodded, no taking his eyes of him.

Kevin threw his hand up, calling to the brown haired boy. "Oi, Sam!"

Sam looked over and walked towards them. "Hey, dude."

"Hey. So listen, I just wanted to talk to you 'bout something," Kevin said. "About Eddward."

Sam frowned. "Did something happen?"

"No, no," Nathan answered with a smile, directing Sam's attention to him. "I'm Nathan by the way, but call me Nat."

Sam nodded. "Sam. So what's this about Edd?"

"It's his birthday next Saturday." Kevin stated.

Sam frowned again. "Really? He didn't mention it."

The ginger nodded. "Yeah that's what he's like."

"Anyway," Nathan spoke, "we're thinking of throwing him a beach party."

"You're his room mate and you seem to get along with him so we thought we'd invite you. It's gonna be a surprise though," Kevin stated.

"Cool. I can keep a secret." Sam smiled.

They stood in silence for a moment, Nathan breaking it. "So what do you know about Eddward, Sam?"

Sam smiled. "Well I know he's crazy about ginger over here." He motioned to Kevin, who blushed slightly. "Not kidding, he came back from you're date the other day basically glowing."

"Yeah it's kind of obvious." Nathan grinned, then stopped to look serious. "You don't mind?"

"That he's interested in a dude? Course not."

"Cool."

"I also know he went through shit at school."

Kevin stared at Sam. "He told you?"

"A little. Just that it happened. Asked him after he had a nightmare of somethin'. Told me he was _remembering_ ," Sam replied.

"Shit he still gets nightmares?" Kevin sighed.

"What do you mean, still?" Nathan asked what Sam was thinking.

Kevin sighed. "He use to get them a lot. He used to wake up screaming and crying." Kevin looked up at Sam. "You're his room mate so...I gotta ask. Did you see anything...else?"

Taking the hint, Sam answered. "If you're talkin about his arms, then yeah."

"Shit."

"One thing I gotta ask though," Sam asked.

"What?"

"Where did he get the scar on his head?"

Nathan looked at Kevin wondering if he was going to answer. "Well, I guess you're gonna find out sooner or later." The ginger sighed again. "This guy, in high school, put him in the hospital."

Sam frowned. "What did he do?"

"What do you think? He beat the shit out of him and left him for dead." Nathan looked down at his feet, Sam still looking at Kevin, a little taken back. Kevin sighed again. "Sorry. It's just not something you really want to remember. The guy beat him up. Ran off."

"Shit." Sam mumbled. "I guess that explains why he always hides it."

"He still wears that god damn hat." Kevin smiled to himself. "He always has."

Nathan spoke, trying to change subject. "So with this party, what are we gonna do?"

Sam and Kevin took the chance to change subject. "Maybe a bonfire?" Sam suggested. "Who else are you inviting anyway?"

"Two friends from school. I don't see why they won't show." Kevin replied.

"Cool. Anyone else?

Nathan looked like he was going to add something for a moment, but didn't saw anything.

"Nah. There isn't really anyone else, honestly."

"We could get some pizza or something for the food." Nathan offered.

"I'm good for pizza." Sam grinned. "How're we gonna get him there without him knowing though?"

Nathan laughed. "Just get Kevin over here to ask him on a date or something. You really think he'll turn down his ginger dreamboat?"

Kevin punched Nathan's arm. "Don't call me that."

Nathan pouted and rubbed his arm. "So you're not gonna ask him?"

"No I'll ask him," Kevin sighed, smiling a little.

Sam laughed. "It's a plan then."


	12. Blushes And Dates

A little under a week had passes since the depression had been made to host a surprise birthday for Eddward. Kevin sat at his desk, scrolled through  his phone looking for a certain phone number. 

"Find it?" Nathan asked.

"Give me a minute," Kevin rolled his eyes at his impatient friend.

"So what're your friends like?"

"They're pretty cool. Nazz was my closest friend when we were kids. She was in the cheerleader cliché and I was a jock. People even thought we had a fling for a while.' he laughed a little. "Wasn't like that though. Anyway, she's a really nice person. Cared a lot about Dee, too." He looked at Nathan. "Try not to hit one her straight away. She won't deal with your shit if you annoy her."

"I'll try but I won't promise anything," Nathan grinned back.

"I didn't expect you too," he sighed.  "Alright I'm gonna call her so shut up."

Nathan sat in silence as Kevin spoke on the phone. The girl on the other end sounded bubbly and cheerful at the sound of the party plans. Kevin hung up and turned back to him. "She said she's in and she'll let Tyler know. She's a little surprised I'm in the same college as Dee though. Also, turns out she goes to college with Tyler."

"Cool. That'll make it easy for them to get here then. What's Tyler like?"

Kevin thought for a moment. "He's a little harder to explain. He use to give Dee a hard time too."

Nathan frowned.

Kevin sighed. "It's complicated. He was in a group with some of the douchebags, but he never laid hands on him. Never really did anything. Till he picked him up in the lunch room. That's when uh...the rumours bout him killin' himself started. I hated his guts at first but...I don't know. He helped out a lot when things got hard." He sighed again. "He's the one who found Edd when he was put in the hospital by the other dude. Got punched in the face after confronting the guy, too. In the end he turned out to be a good friend." 

"Sounds complicated."

Kevin laughed. "Yeah. But Dee forgave him. And in the end I trusted him to know if someone deserved a second chance or not. So don't hold a grudge. He's a good guy. Really. " he scratched the head a little. "Anyway so that's sorted."

The two sat quiet for a moment. "I'm hungry," Nathan stated.

"Let's go eat then." 

 

Eddward was sleeping when Sam walked back into their room, curled up on his bed, clutching his pillow. He couldn't help but smile. The boy's mannerism reminded him of something like a younger brother. Rolling onto his back, he closed his own eyes. Hearing quiet movements from Eddward's direction, he looked over to see him clutching his pillow tighter than before. His face looked tenser, scrunched up, a few mumbles slipped from his mouth, quiet and sad. Sam frowned again, debating whether to wake him or not. He didn't have to when Eddward stirred, sitting up slowly and wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. Looking around, his eyes fell on Sam. 

"Hi," he said in a quiet voice.

"Hey, Edd. When did you get back?"

"An hour ago," Eddward replied, looking at clock on the desk.

"You hungry?"

Eddward shook his head. His stomach protested him in a quiet growl. Growing red, he nodded.

Sam smiled. "Alright then. Lets go."

Eddward sniffled and nodded. As they stayed sat down at a table, Sam couldn't help but notice that Eddward had said not even five words. "You alright, Edd?"

He smiles slightly, and it felt false even to himself. "Of course I am."

"You're not fooling anyone. What's up?"

Eddward looked down at his hands and began to fidget at his jumper. "I...I've just been thinking. That's all."

"Thinking about what?"

"About Kevin," Eddward said before he could stop his words. He blushed instantly.

"Oh. Then why do you seem so sad?"

"I-uh...I've just been a little worried."

"Worried about what?"

"About Kevin and I." Sam looked at Eddward, waiting for him to elaborate a little further. "I'm worried that I'm not good enough to date him."

"Do you want to date him?"

Eddward nodded hesitantly, chewing on his lip. "i-I do I..."

Sam smiled. "Then do. You know I was talking to Kevin the other day, and his friend Nathan, and you know what? He went giddy just at the mention of ya."

Eddward smiled, obviously happy that he had made Kevin react in such a way. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"I just...It's hard," he mumbled.

"I get that. Don't rush things, Edd."

Maybe Sam didn't understand it, but it was kind of him to make Eddward feel a little less pressured. The two sat quietly and ate for a minute till a voice called for them. 

"Sam! Edd-lishious!"

Eddward looked behind Sam to see a smiling Kevin and a jumping Nathan heading their way. "Hello Kevin, hello Nathan." he waved.

"Wanna join us?" Sam asked, turning his head.

"Sure," grinned Nathan. "Kevy can you go get our food?"

"Get it yourself you lazy bastard." Kevin scoffed, humoured.

"Fine." Nathan pouted. Kevin and Nathan sat either side of the round table next to Sam and Eddward.

"How was your day?" Eddward asked.

"Boring without you," Nathan pouted. Kevin kicked him under the table, making him yelp.

The black haired boy giggled lightly, the other three smiling at the sound. "I enjoy our classes too. What about you, Kevin?"

The ginger shrugged. "Alright, I guess. I had to put up with this idiot for all of them today though," he said, throwing his hand in Nathan's direction.

"You're mean." Nathan frowned.

Eddward laughed again. Sam smiled. "Glad to see you're a little better, Edd."

Nathan and Kevin frowned. "What happened?"

"Oh nothing. He was just a little quieter than normal that's all." Sam realised he probably shouldn't have said anything. 

Eddward looked down, smiling at their concern. "I'm fine. I was just thinking, that's all."

Kevin looked at Eddward. "Thinking about what?"He knew better than anyone else at the table how much thinking could affect him.

Eddward blushed, not knowing how to answer that to the centre of his previous thoughts. "N-Nothing."

Nathan looked at Sam, searching for an answer. Sam looked at Nathan and flicked his eyes in Kevin's direction, silently giving him an answer. Nathan smirked.

Kevin sighed. "Alright then. As long as it really is nothing."

Eddward nodded and smiled.

The four ate, speaking about classes and other things. Finishing, Sam and Nathan took the empty trays and left to dispose of them. Nathan nudged Kevin's arm. "Ask him about the Saturday thingy."

Kevin nodded.

Kevin and Eddward sat quietly for a moment before Kevin cleared his throat. "H-Hey, Dee I got a question."

Eddward smiled. "What is it?"

Kevin looked away slightly. "Uh...I was just wondering...if on Saturday, you wanted to go on a date." Eddward didn't answer so Kevin looked back at him. The black haired boy was blushing deeply and looking down.

Eddward didn't look up but nodded his head. "Y-Yes, I-I'd like that."

Kevin sighed in relief to the answer, the knot in his stomach relaxing. "Okay. Come on lets go back. Sam and Nathan are waiting."

"Okay," he replied, still not looking up. His blush was still painfully present.

Standing up, they walked over to Sam and Nathan. The two looked at Kevin, then down to Eddward and his furiously red face. They grinned at each other. Kevin cleared his throat. "We going or what?" The two kept smiling but nodded. They made their way back to the dormitory and stopped at Eddward and Sam's room. "Alright. See you later guys," Sam spoke.

Eddward's insides were warm and full of butterflies. "Goodbye Nat and Kevin."

"See you later, Edd-lishious." Nathan winked. Kevin elbowed him.

"Yeah, see you later, Dee," Kevin chuckled. "Later, Sam."

"Later, Sam." Nathan added.

"Bye guys." Sam smiled.

"Goodbye." Eddward smiled.

The two groups parted ways. Sam and Eddward entered their room and sat on their beds. Sam just smiled at the blushing Eddward who was now clutching the white rabbit, probably trying to hide his face. "What happened, Eddward?" Sam smiled, wanting to hear him say it.

"K-Kevin asked me on a d-date."

"What did you say?"

Eddward mumbled again. "I said y-yes."

 

Nathan and Kevin stood in silence for a moment after entering their room. Nathan laughed suddenly though, making Kevin look at him. "Sorry it's just...did you see Edd's face? It was adorable."

Kevin smiled for a second. "Yeah. Sam said he was quiet before though. I wonder what was thinking about."

Nathan smiled. "He was thinking about you, dumb ass."

The ginger's frowned, cocking his head. "W-What?"

Nathan nodded. "Uh-huh. Sam told me. That's why he wouldn't tell you."

Kevin turned back to look at the ceiling. "O-Oh."

"Yep." Nathan smiled. "So I take it that you asked him about Saturday."

Kevin nodded. "Yeah."

"I guess he said yes?"

"Yeah. He said yes."


	13. Burnng Bonfires

It was Saturday. Kevin and Nathan had driven down to the beach in Nathan's car and were setting everything set up that they could. A bonfire was piled up, surrounded by logs for seating. Food had been ordered, Kevin asking for it to be ready later that night, about half an hour after the get together was meant to start. 

"So he still has no idea?" Nathan asked, taking a seat on one of the logs.

Kevin smiled. "Nope."

"When does Sam get here?"

"Said he'll make sure he's here soon."

"What about Nazz and Tyler?"

"Haven't heard from them, but we still have at least an hour before the time I asked Dee to be ready."

Kevin's phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out, he smiled. "Speak of the devil. Says they'll be here in around ten minutes. That means I can introduce you guys before I leave. And Nathan...try to be less...you."

"What do you mean?"Nathan frowned, feigning offence. he knew exactly what Kevin was talking about.

"I mean don't hit on Nazz straight up...or Tyler for that matter. He's straight for sure."

Nathan smiled a little. "What about Nazz?"

Kevin shrugged. "I genuinely don't know. Pretty sure she had a fling with a chick back in high school. Either way. My warning still stands."

"You underestimate my durability," Nathan mocked offence.

"Do I?" Kevin raised a challenging brow.

"Probably not," Nathan admitted, shrugging.

"Hey guys!" a voice called from behind the two. They turned to see Sam walking towards them.

"Hey, man." Kevin nodded.

"Do you think Edd's still clueless?" Nathan asked.

Sam grinned. "Yep. I told him I had to meet a friend. He was just deep in thought. Probably thinking about his date." He looked around. "This place looks good. Oh yeah, here." He held up an icebox of assorted soft drink cans.

"Cool. Thanks." Kevin smiled. "Just put it over there." He pointed to somewhere behind him.

"So when are your other friends gonna get here?" Sam asked.

"Should be five minutes away now," he replied looking at his phone again.

Sam joined Nathan and Kevin, sitting down on one of the horizontal logs. They sat quiet for a while, appreciating the fresh ocean air blowing around them. It was almost dark so Nathan decided to light the bonfire. It was burning bright when Kevin heard a familiar voice calling him. He turned, making out a figure in the darkening light. As they came closer, it turned into two.

"Kevin!" One of them called in a bubbly voice. Nazz. Kevin stood up to greet his blonde friend. Jogging up, she hugged him around the neck. She was almost as tall as him now, her blonde head reaching only a few centimetres shorter than his. "Kevin, it's good to see you again." She laughed.

"It's good to see you too, Nazz." Kevin laughed, hugging her back.

"Yeah. Good to see you, Kevin." The other figure spoke, finally reaching the burning light of the fire. A strong figure, much like Kevin's. Tyler. Letting go of Nazz, Kevin walked over to Tyler. They both stood there, looking at each other for a moment. The two smiled at one another and exchanged and quick hug, patting each other on the back. Pulling apart, they were both still smiling. 

"Hey, Tyler. Good to see you man." They all sat back down. "Nazz, Tyler, this is Sam, Dee's room mate, and Nathan, my room mate."

"And best friend," Nathan scoffed. "How could you forget that?"

Nazz giggles. "Nice to meet you, Nathan, Sam."

"Like wise." Tyler nodded in agreement. "So when does the birthday boy get here?"

"I got to go get him in a few minutes."

Nathan leaned over to the red head. "Kevin, do you think we should...tell them about what's going on?" he whispered. "About you two?"

Kevin hesitated too. "Yeah."

"What's going on?" Nazz asked.

"We...I have to tell you guys something before Dee shows up," Kevin said, still hesitant about the whole situation.

"What?" Tyler asked.

"Uh...I-uh...me and Dee are...uh..."

"Spit it out, Kevin." Nazz laughed.

"They like each other," Nathan said bluntly.

"Oh," Nazz said, watching Kevin blush.

Tyler frowned. "Is that it?"

Kevin nodded. "Y-Yeah. Sorry. Just...didn't know how you'd react."

"Wait so you're-" Tyler started.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"What about Edd?"

"Edd's sexuality is strictly Kevin," Nathan grinned. "It's cute seeing them trip over one another."

"Ah," Tyler said.

Kevin stayed quiet so Nazz spoke. "Kevin, we don't care if you like a guy, if that's what you think."

Kevin nodded again. "Sorry. This is a relatively...recent development too. Sorry for not telling you guys."

"Dude, it's not like you're going to get treated any different by us." Tyler smiled.

Kevin looked between his friends. "Thanks."

"Alright so when does Edd get here?" Nazz asked. "I want to see him."

"I have to go get him, I said. I should probably leave now."

"If this is a surprise, how are you getting him here without him knowing?" Tyler questioned.

"Oh-uh...well..." Kevin shuffled his feet.

"He asked Edd on a date," Nathan grinned.

Nazz giggled. "Aw that's cute."

"Isn't it?" Nathan nodded.

"Shut up," Kevin mumbled. "Alright I'm going to go get him."

"Alright. See you guys when you get back," Sam called as Kevin walked away.

Kevin waved and left.

The four sat in silence for a moment. "So he's serious about Edd?" Tyler asked.

Sam and Nathan smiled and nodded. "Oh yeah," Sam answered.

"Big time," added Nathan.

"So are they an item?" inquired Nazz.

"No, not yet. It's complicated," Nathan answered.

Tyler nodded at Sam. "So are we the only straight ones?"

Sam laughed. Nathan fake gasped. "How'd you know?"

Nazz laughed too. "You're obvious."

"Wait what about you?" Nathan asked Nazz.

She shrugged. "I have an on and off again relationship with a girl I knew from Peach Creek, but I have dated guys."

Tyler laughed. "God the two of 'em are look like complete opposites. She's the mall rat type. Emo, Blue hair and shit."

Nathan nodded, smiling. "Wait till you see Kevin and Edd. I mean, watching the cutie go red at the mention of his ginger dreamboat is just adorable."

Nazz laughed again.

 

Kevin knocked on Eddward's door. It opened, showing the shorter boy's slightly red face. "Hey, Dee. Ready to go?"

Eddward nodded. Kevin couldn't help but think of how cute he looked in his large jumper and shorts. "Yes. Where are we going?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

Eddward pouted. 

"Oh come on. Did I fail you last time I said that?"

"No you didn't." He smiled. The two walked down to Nathan's car and climbed in. "Why are we in Nathan's car and not your bike?"

"I just thought I'd leave my bike here for tonight and I don't have my own car," Kevin replied his practised excuse.

"Oh, okay," Eddward said, seemingly accepting the explanation without much question.

The drive was calm, the radio playing some song that Eddward seemed to like. He hummed along quietly, Kevin stealing glances every now and then with a smile. Stopping at the car park close to the beach, the two of them hopped out of the car. 

"Okay, we're almost there. You're going to have to close your eyes from here on out though."

Eddward giggled. "Why?"

"So you don't ruin the surprise." Kevin smiled and held out his hand.

He placed his small hand in Kevin's larger one and held tight, closing his eyes gently. "Okay."

"And no peeking." Kevin added.

"Of course not."

Kevin led him by the hand down the footpath and towards the waiting bonfire. Holding a finger from his other hand to his lips, he signalled Nathan and the others to stay quiet. They nodded and ginned as the two approached. Nazz looked as though she was about to explode with excitement but managed to stay silent. "Alright, Dee. Sit down here."

Eddward held Kevin's hand tighter as he lowered himself onto one of the logs. "Kevin are we at the beach?"

"Maybe." Kevin smiled.

"Because I can smell the ocean. And I can hear the waves," he smiled gently. "I like the ocean."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Kevin can I open my eyes now?" he asked.

Kevin looked around, making sure the others were ready. "Alright. Open your eyes."

The warm light of the fire came into view as Eddward opened his eyes slowly. He looked around, taking in the four familiar faces. Nathan, Sam, Tyler and Nazz smiled from around the fire, Kevin standing behind him. "What's going on?" Eddward asked, utterly confused.

"Happy birthday, Dee," Kevin smiled.

Eddward didn't say anything. Instead his face became dusted with pink and his eyes became slightly clouded. He stood up and turned around, wrapping his arms around Kevin tightly. Kevin hugged back, smiling. Nathan looked at Nazz who nodded at him, whispering, "You're right. They are cute."

Nathan grinned back. "I know right?"

They looked back at Eddward as he unwrapped his arms from Kevin's middle. "Thank you. I didn't know any of you knew it was my birthday," he turned to the others, wiping his eyes lightly with the back of his hands.

They all smiled. "Well you can thank Kevin for all of this," Nathan said.

"Thank you," he looked back at the ginger boy again.

Nazz jumped up. "Okay, Double Dee, now I need a hug. I haven't seen you in forever and I missed you!" she whined.

Eddward laughed and jumped over to Nazz's waiting arm, taking in the beckoning warmth of the blonde. "I missed you too, Nazz." He smiled. Letting go after a moment, he turned to Tyler who was smiling gently. "Hello, Tyler.".

"What so Nazz gets a hug but I don't?" He raised a mocking brown, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly.

Eddward laughed and wrapped his arms around Tyler. "Of course you get a hug."

"It's good to see you, kiddo."

"I missed you guys," he whispered.

Letting go, Eddward turned to look at them all. "Thank you." He smiled.

"Alright enough with the pleasantries, let's get this party started," Nathan called, passing cans of soft drink around the fire.

The six sat back down and breathed in the ocean air. Eddward smiled as his friends laughed and talked to one another. At one point, Kevin moved closer, touching their shoulders together. Their fingers curled together behind their backs. He felt happy, taking in the warmth of the fire, doubts and tears nowhere to be found.


	14. Laughes And Likes

The flames of the bonfire burned high, crackling in the night sky. Shoes discarded and forgotten, Eddward felt the cool sand under his feet. Looking up at the stars above his head, he expelled a breath of relaxation. "Having fun, Edd?" Nazz asked, moving next to him with a smile.

Looking back at the blonde, he hummed a few gentle words. "Yeah. Thank you again for coming."

"It's alright. We missed you guys a lot you know." She smiled, bumping their shoulders.

"Me too," he smiled.

Thinking for a moment, she called out, "Hey guys, let's go for a walk along the water. I'm bored." The last part was an obvious lie, but they took it all the same.

"Sure, sound good." Kevin nodded, sipping his can of drink.

"Sounds like fun," Nathan agreed.

"Yeah, I gotta stretch my legs out." Tyler stood up first, stretching his arms above his head.

Sam hummed in approval and followed his lead.

They six made their way down to the salty waves of the ocean. The cold water licked at their feet as they walked, the smiling moon illuminating their steps. The street lights helped with their sight as well. Kevin and the other boys walked in front of Eddward and Nazz. Eddward looked out to the ocean, admiring the wonderful sight. He was lost in the sight for a moment before Nazz's giggles earned his attention. Turning to her, she pointed to something. Following her fingers direction, he found something quite amusing in motion. Nathan was walking behind Kevin and just as Eddward had looked, hooked his foot in front of the ginger's, nudging him forward. Kevin called out and crashed down into the sand, the edge of the water washing onto him. Nathan and the others doubled over in laughter, holding their stomachs. Jumping back up, Kevin lunged for Nathan, making his green haired friend flee. 

"Damn you Nat, you little shit!" Kevin swore, chasing the running boy.

"Kevin I'm sorr-" Nathan laughed and ran before Kevin jumped and took him off his feet, cutting his false apology short. Nazz laughed hard, Eddward giggling lightly along into his hand.

Nathan and Kevin where wrestling in the wet sand before Nathan jumped loose, taking off again down the beach, squealing. Kevin laughed as he chased him, the sound resonating through Eddward's ears. Nazz looked at him and caught him smiling, eyes trained on Kevin. 

"You like him, don't you?" She smiled.

Eddward looked at Nazz. "Sorry?"

"You like Kevin, don't you?"

His eyes grew wide, his face growing red. "W-What?"

"He told me and Tyler before you showed up. About you too. Kevin, I mean." She smiled, looking forward again.

Eddward looked down at his feet. "O-Oh."

Nazz stopped, Eddward doing the same but still not looking up. "Double Dee, I don't care you like him. Neither does Tyler. I mean, I've dated girls. I just wish I could have been someone for you talk too."

Eddward looked up, his eyes looking slightly glassy. "Nazz, I'm sorry I...we...never told you and Tyler but," he cut himself off and looked back down.

"But what?"

"No doubt Kevin has had feeling for other people before but me...I've never liked anyone before. Kevin is the first for me. A-And I...wish I could have kept in contact wit you but-"

Nazz smiled. "I know. Life gets in the way. It's okay." She wrapped her arms around Eddward suddenly momentarily startling him. "Oh god, I missed you both."

Eddward wrapped his arms around Nazz's slender middle, holding tight. "I missed you too," he whispered.

Nazz squeezed tight before letting go, looking at him with a gentle smile. Eyes still glassy, Eddward smiled back. "Come on. We better catch up." Nazz started walking toward the group of boys further down the beach. Eddward followed, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Kevin and the other were still laughing and throwing each other into the damp sand and waves. Sam had been pushed by Nathan as well who had in turn, pushed an innocent Tyler. In the end, they were all covered in sand and water. 

"You guys look like you're having fun." Nazz laughed, approaching them with Eddward in tow.

"He started it!" Kevin pointed an accusing finger at Nathan, who in turn pouted.

"That's mean," Nathan whines, trying to hug Kevin. "And I said I was sorry."

Kevin threw him off, trying not to laugh. "Only because I tried to get you back."

Nathan turned to Nazz and Eddward. "I notice you two aren't covered in sand either."

Nazz raised a brow. "And?"

"And that means you're not having enough fun." Tyler grinned from behind Kevin.

Nazz took a step back. "Tyler McMeral don't you dare."

Tyler took a challenging step forward. "Or what?"

Nazz broke off into a run but Tyler caught her around the waist and hosted her up. "Put me down!" she squealed in between laughs.

"Sure thing," Tyler laughed, dropping her into the shallow waves.

Nazz yelped as the cold waves washed at her. Jumping back up, she tried to tackle Tyler. Instead she basically hugged him, making the others laugh. She let go and looked down at herself. "Damn it. Now I have sand in my shorts."

Eddward watched the display and broke into a breathy laugh. Momentarily forgetting about him, they all turned back to him. It was then, that he realised his mistake. Stepping back, he swallowed. "Oh no. Don't you dare."

Nazz took a step forward. "If I had to deal with it, so do you." She grinned, wrapping her arms around him. He squealed as Nazz fell over with him in her arms, rolling them around in the damp sand. He laughed and squealed as the sand and water gripped his body. Covered in sand and water, the two stood up. He pouted, crossing his arms. "You guys are mean."

"Dee," Kevin cleared his throat after regaining his composure.

"Yes?"

"Uh...your hat."

Eddward put his hands to his head, realising now that it was colder than normal. Looking around, Nazz picked up his hat beanie was now full of water and sand. "Oh my," he gasped, holding his hands where they were, trying to cover the jagged skin.

"Just leave it off, Edd," Nazz said, handing him his beanie.

He looked down slightly. "But the-"

"It looks awesome, dude. It makes you look cool." Nazz smiled, ruffling his hair with her hand.

Looking back up, he blushed slightly. "R-Really?"

Nazz nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah, it looks sick." Nathan grinned.

Eddward blushed more. "I s-suppose I can't wear it forever," he smiled lightly.

"Besides, your hair looks cute," Nazz smiled, wrapping her arms back around him. "And we never get to see it."

"Agreed." Nathan joined Nazz in hugging him.

Nazz and Nathan laughed as Eddward's face grew redder. "Don't you think he's cute, Kevin?" Nazz asked.

Kevin stutters his breath, looking down at his feet. "Y-Yeah," he mumbled.

Nathan grinned. "Sorry? I don't think I heard you. Did you hear him Nazz?"

"No I didn't hear him, Nathan," she played along, her grin matching Nathan's.

Sam and Tyler were standing near Kevin, enjoying his awkward reactions regarding the matter. "Kevin? Can you say that again for us?" Nathan called again.

Kevin grumbled for a moment. He looked up at Eddward, Nazz's and Nathan's loving arms wrapped around him. Eddward's face was red and his gaze was averted down. His damp ebony hair spilled off his head, parting only for the thin, jagged scar. Swallowing his embarrassment, he cleared his throat. "It looks cute."

Eddward looked up and despite his face already being covered with a blush, it grew a even brighter. Nathan and Nazz laugh as they let go of him. "T-Thank you," Eddward stuttered.

"Come on guys, let's go back to the fire," Tyler called, him and Sam both starting to walk back.

"Yeah I'm a little cold." Nazz shuddered, feeling the effects of her earlier fall in the water.

"I'll keep you warm," Nathan winked.

Laughing, Nazz slapped his arm. "You're a weird dude."

"I like to think I'm unique." Nathan smiled, wrapping an arm around Nazz's shoulder.

Kevin rolled his eyes at the two. "Come on, Dee," he called behind him. Smiling, Eddward walked with Kevin in the direction of their bonfire.

The night wind was picking up slightly, pushing and pulling the gentle tide. The moon grinned as it continued shine down on the beach, illuminating every step they took. Eddward walked next to Kevin, their shoulders touching as they moved. They were silent, but happy. Their hands brushed together and Eddward's stomach fluttered, as did Kevin's. Wrapped in the moment, Kevin tangled his hand around Eddward's. Almost instantly, the black haired boy tightened his own grip, greeting Kevin's gesture with a warm smile. The two walked, basking in the gentleness and affection of the other.

Reaching the warmth of the still burning bonfire, Kevin and Eddward sat down, touching shoulders and holding hands. Nathan and Nazz smiled at them from their shared seat, as did Sam and Tyler. The night went on as the six sat around the fire and spoke about odd things that ultimately didn't matter, but made them all happy none the less. Eddward rested his head against Kevin's shoulder after a long time, his eyes growing heavy with exhaustion. Kevin smiled at the feeling of gentle warmth against his body. Eddward's breath grew gently and deep as he drifted in and out of sleep. "Hey Kevin, I think we should take Edd back before he falls asleep completely," Nazz giggled gently. "Besides," she yawned. "It's late and I think we all need to sleep."

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. Are you guys staying in town tonight or going back?"

"We got a room. Do you guys want to meet tomorrow before we go back?" Nazz asked.

"Yeah. I'll text you later." He shifted, nudging Eddward gently. "Come on Dee," he whispered.

Eddward sat up straight, wiping his eyes with his sleeves and nodded. Sam spoke as they all stood up. "I'll stay with Nazz and Tyler to clean up. You and Nathan should get him back before he falls asleep again."

Nazz and Tyler nodded in agreement. Walking over to the half asleep boy, Nazz hugged him. "See you tomorrow Dee. Happy birthday."

Hugging back sleepily, Eddward smiled. "Thank you. See you tomorrow."

Waving goodbye, Eddward, Kevin and Nathan made their way back to the car, climbed in and drove off.

By the time the three reached the college, Eddward was asleep again in the back seat, breathing gentle and evenly. Kevin smiled as Nathan spoke. "You gonna carry him up?"

"Yeah, I got him. He's light as anything anyway." Kevin smiled, picking him up with ease. Carrying him to his room, Kevin marvelled at how perfect he felt in his arms.

Reaching Eddward's room, Nathan opened it. "I'll meet you back at the room, yeah?"

Kevin nodded and walked in. Reluctantly, Kevin placed Eddward from his arms onto his bed. He stirred, his eyes fluttering open halfway. "Come on Dee. You got to change your shirt at least. This one's still damp." Eddward nodded lazily. He took a shirt from under his pillow and pulled his current one off. Kevin looked away as Eddward's slender torso became exposed. He knew that if he was for conscious, he'd probably not want him to look. Not yet anyway. With his arms, and all. Fully clothed, he laid back down and breathed deep, once again closing his eyes. Turning back and pulling the covers over him, Kevin smiled. "I like you, Dee. I really do," Kevin breathed gently.

Eddward's heart grew warm as the sweet words flowed into his ears, his drowsiness causing him to smile where he otherwise would have grown red. He answered in a gentle whisper. "I like you too, Kevin."

Smiling again, Kevin turned on Sam's lamp across the room, turned off the main light and left. Stepping out and closing the door, Kevin breathed deep.

He couldn't stop smiling.


	15. Thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter.

**a/n - super short chapter**

****Eddward opened his eyes at the calling of his name. Sam looked down at him from beside his bed. "Kevin asked me to wake you. He and Nat are going to meet your other friends at the café around the corner."

Eddward wiped his eyes sleepily, pushing himself up. "You're not going with us?"

Sam smiled gently. "No Edd. I thought you guys would want to catch up more before they left. Besides, I have a few things to do today."

"Okay then. Thank you for waking me." He smiled.

"No problem. They'll be by to pick you up in about an hour."

Eddward nodded and smiled as Sam left the room.

Stepping into the shower, Eddward's thoughts played through the night before. The damp sand, the warm fire, the stars and his friends. All the memories made him happy and warm.

His heart stuttered as he recalled the important words he'd mumbled in his his sleepy state. _I like you too, Kevin._ His cheeks dusted themselves in pink.

He did, that was no lie. And after that fantastic night and the ones before it, he felt even more guilty for his un-sureness. He pulled on a jacket.

A knock in the door expelled his thoughts for the time being. Kevin and Nathan stood on the other side, smiling. "Morning, Dee."

"Good morning."

Kevin ran his hand through his hair. "Ready to go?"

Eddward nodded and followed the two down to Nathan's car.

Arriving at the café, the three walked inside and looked around for Nazz and Tyler. "Kevin," called Nazz from a corner booth on the far side of the room. "Over here."

The three took seat in the booth with Nathan next to Nazz, Eddward and Kevin next to Tyler. Nazz looked around for a second. "Sam's not here?"

Kevin waved his hand in dismissal. "Nah he said he had some things to do today."

It was a fast day between the five, and when it was done, they separated from Tyler and Nazz.

"I miss you already," Nazz whispered as she engulfed Eddward in a tight hug.

"Me too," Eddward mumbled back against her shoulder.

"Promise to keep in touch this time?"

"Of course. And Nazz."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for coming."

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world."

Nazz let go of him and was quickly replaced with Tyler. "See you, kiddo."

"Goodbye, Tyler." Eddward smiled.

The two left and not long after, so did the other three. They returned to their separate dorm rooms and soon went to sleep. Well, Nathan and Kevin did anyway. Eddward however, returned to his earlier thoughts involving his feelings and Kevin. He laid in the dark, staring at the ceiling in deep thought. _  
_

He thought about his years spend fighting between his want for feelings and his self hate of not deserving it. Now he felt something, but he still couldn't bring himself to fully accept he deserved it.

Sometimes he'd try to convince himself he wasn't broken - that he was worth something - but he was rarely able to do that for long. 

He wanted to be like he was the night before with Kevin. He wanted to walk beside him with intertwined hands and butterflies in his stomach. He wanted to be warm as they sat beside one another. He wanted to be happy with the red haired boy he liked _so much.  
_

But he wasn't right. He was broken, and Kevin deserved someone better.

 


	16. Avoidance

Kevin and Nathan woke, dressed, ate breakfast and left for class. On the way there, they caught sight of Eddward down the hall. Kevin called to him, but he didn't answer. Kevin was sure that for a split second, Eddward stopped walking and heard his call. Shrugging it off, they went to class.

Eddward had heard Kevin call out but thought it best to pretend he hadn't for the time being. He needed to figure things out on his own and falling back into his normal schooling schedule may help his mind focus enough to do so - he hoped.

Kevin and Nathan finished their first lot of classes and made their way to the cafeteria for lunch. Looking around for their beanie wearing friend, they came up empty. Shrugging it off yet again, they continued onto their classes. The two split up and went to their separate classrooms. Kevin took his usual seat in the lecture hall and for the entire lesson, the space next to him was left empty. When the class finished, he collected his things and stood to leave. Just before he left, he saw a white stripped beanie that could only have been Eddward's, disappearing through the door. Kevin frowned _._

Eddward did his best to stay out of Kevin's and, in extension, Nathan's sights. He sat in different seats to usual and stayed away from the places he usually walked through. He did his best, but it didn't feel right.

Kevin and Nathan left for their sports class and sat on the bleachers, waiting for the teacher. Kevin lent back and stretched. "Hey Nathan, you notice anything odd with Eddward today?"

Nathan turned to his ginger friend. "Good to know you noticed it too. Don't know what though."

The two sat in relative silence until Sam made his way over, taking a seat beside Nathan. "What's up?"

Kevin looked over. "Was Eddward acting odd or anything this morning?"

Sam looked a little quizzical. "No. I left early for a run. Why?"

"We think he's avoiding us."

Nathan laughed. "No, we know he's avoiding us."

Sam frowned. "How so?"

"He didn't answer when we called out to him this morning, but that's not that odd. Then he didn't go to the cafeteria for lunch and then he just plain out avoided me during class." Kevin answered with a frown.

"That's defiantly not like Eddward." Sam agreed.

"I know right? He's got to have a reason to be avoiding us, and I don't think we'll be able to get close enough to him to ask. You think you can...talk to him for us?"

Sam shrugged. "Sure. I'm just as curious as you are to find out. I'll see what I can do."

Kevin smiled. "Thanks man."

 

Eddward sat in his room on his bed, having no more classes for the day. He stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours, lost in thought. It must have been some time because when he was torn out of it, it was by Sam walking through the door. "Hey Eddward," he smiled. "You eat?"

Eddward nodded.

Sam dumped his football bag down and walked to the bathroom for a shower. Finishing and falling back onto his bed in exhaustion, he noticed that the other had yet to move. He frowned. Eddward's eyes told him that his thoughts were far away and his slightly furrowed brow said they weren't pleasant. "You alright Eddward?" Eddward didn't answer, so he tried again. "Edd."

The boy's face softened back to normal as he turned to look at Sam. "Yes?"

Sam kept his slight frown. "You alright?"

"Yes."

Sam cut to the chase. "Were you avoiding Kevin and Nathan today?"

Eddward faltered, not prepared for the question. "N-No."

Sam raised a brow. "You sure?"

He looked down. "Maybe."

"How come?"

"No reason."

"Bullshit. Something up?"

"I just want to focus on my classes, that's all."

"That can't be the only reason. Did...something happen between you and Kevin after yesterday?"

Eddward stayed quiet for a moment too long. "No, not really."

"Come on, Edd."

Fidgeting with his hands, he stayed quiet.

"Kiddo you're an open book. Especially with Kevin. What happened? Did he say something or-"

"No he didn't do anything wrong, I just..."

Sam's frown softened, knowing that it was only a matter of time until Eddward opened up. "It's just what?" he asked softly.

"I'm...worried."

"About what?"

"About Kevin and I."

Sam stayed silent for a moment, giving Eddward the ability to set his own pace in the conversation. "You seemed good...lately."

Eddward breathed deep and continued, "I'm worried that...it's just that..." he took another deep breath, searching for the right words. "How do I know that what I'm feeling for Kevin is real? How do I know that what I'm feeling is actually me liking him and not just liking him because he's nice to me? How do I..." He took yet another deep breath, this time in an attempt to keep his voice even. "How do I know that I'm...That I'm..." Yet another deep breath was taken in and released, this time, far more shakily. "I've never liked anyone before, Sam. I've told you that. It's confusing. Kevin is my first. I'm just so...I'm just so scared that's I'll mess things up. I'm scared I'm not going to be good enough."

Sam sat quiet for a moment, looking at the boy before him. He himself had never had any problems with dating or knowing whether or not he liked someone, so it was a little hard for him to understand. But he could see, that what the boy before him was feeling, what he was fearing, was real. He himself, took a deep breath before talking. "I can't tell you whether or not what you feel for Kevin is real, you'll have to work that out on your own. But...if you decide that you do really like him and that you want a relationship, well you can work things with him when and if you get there. I don't think there is anything you could do to mess things up with him."

Eddward closed his eyes and swallowed, his tears threatening to spill. "But I'm so scared," he whispered.

"You're allowed to be scared. You don't have to rush things and I doubt he would expect you too. When you're ready, you'll know."

Eddward sniffled quietly. "Thank you."

Sam smiled. "It's alright. You think you'll stop ignoring Kevin and Nathan now?"

"I...I don't know. I think I just...need to work things out in my own head first."

"I understand that. Do you...want me to let Kevin know?"

"Please? I don't want him to think ill of me," he whispered.

"Of course, kiddo"

"Thank you." Eddward smiled, looking over at Sam, wiping the few tears from his eyes.

Eddward crawled under his covers and dozed off into an early night's sleep, utterly exhausted from the day's thoughts and conversations. 

 

Sam stretched his arms and, when he was sure that Eddward was fast asleep, left to speak to Kevin. Knocking on his door, he spoke. "It's Sam." He waited for an answer.

A muffled, "Come in," called through the door.

Sam did so and closed the door behind him. Kevin and Nathan laid on their beds, both messing with their phones. "What's up?" Kevin asked.

"I just spoke to Edd. Thought you'd want to know what's going on." Nathan and Kevin dropped their phones in an instant, both moving into a sitting position. Sam took a seat on the edge of Kevin's bed before continuing. "So I asked him straight up if he was avoiding you two."

Nathan spoke with anticipation. "And?"

Sam sighed and told them all of what Eddward had said. He told them his fears of messing up, his worries of knowing for sure that he did in fact 'like' Kevin and that he was only avoiding the two because he wanted to figure things out in his own mind.

Kevin lent back against the headboard. "That explains it."

Nathan nodded. "Yeah."

"I mean, he's not that good at opening up to people either and if he did for you," Kevin motioned to Sam, "Then he must have been holding it in for a while."

Nathan nodded again. Sam breathed deep. "So what are you going to do?"

"I guess all I can do for now and give him his space. I don't want to but...he needs it."

Nathan frowned. "How long do you think it'll take? I know we don't want to rush him but...I don't like the idea of not going near him."

Kevin frowned in turn. "I don't like it either but," he breathed deep. "It might take a few day, or it might take a week. I don't know but I can't rush him. I just need to be ready for him if and when he comes around. I just hope he does," he says, whispering the last part.

"For your sake, _and_ his, I hope he does," Sam agrees.

Nathan hums in agreement.

_Please come around, Dee. I miss you already._


	17. Forest Eyes

The next few days to pass left an overall depressive mood on everyone. Both Nathan and Kevin missed Eddward both for somewhat different reasons, and Sam was almost forced to watch Eddward's dwindling happiness. It was like he was consumed by his thoughts. But of course, he was. 

Eddward tried his absolute best to keep focus in his classes. However, he spend all it's time focused on the green eyes ginger. Sam kept his distance like that of Kevin and Nathan but stayed close enough to keep an eye on him, both at the request of the others and of his own concern. 

Laying awake late one night, Sam heard Eddward turning and decided that it was time to ask. "You awake Edd?"

There was a gap of silence. Than a quiet, "Yeah."

Sam spent a moment thinking about what to say. He wasn't really sure. He swallowed. "Have you been thinking about...you know?"

Another moment passed. "Yes."

Sam didn't saw anything for a minute, leaving the silence to prompt Eddward to continue.

"How do I know if I'm ready?"

Sam hummed. "I don't know. I take it that you decided though?"

There was a deep breath. "Y-Yeah."

"And?"

"I like him. I haven't...I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him already and it's only been a few days. I...I like him. He just...he makes me happy."

Sam smiled again. "Then tell him that."

"I will I just...Do you think he waited?"

"Of course he did. He would have waited for longer if he had too."

As Eddward nodded off, a mix of worry and happiness swirled in his stomach. A paradox in its own right..

 

Kevin woke up to the buzzing on his phone. Groaning, he rolled over and tapped the screen, a text message illuminating it. Nathan rolled over too. "Who is it this early in the morning?"

Kevin hummed, unlocking is phone. "It's not that early it's almost midday. It's just a text from...Eddward." He sat up, Nathan doing the same.

"What does he say?" he asked wearily.

Kevin looked down at the screen, reading the typed words.

**From; Dee  
**

**Good morning. Would you mind if we were to meet later today after lunch? I would like to speak to you. Let me know as soon as possible.**

Kevin's mind was racing. "He wants to meet up. He wants to talk. Oh fuck what's gonna happen? Shit!" he swore, now fully awake.

Nathan rubbed his eyes. "Just reply to him first."

"Okay, yeah, you're right."

**To; Dee**

**Sure we can meet up. I'll meet you at two at the café around the corner?**

"Did you reply yet?"

"Yeah." His phone buzzed again.

**From; Dee** **  
**

**Two sounds good. I'll see you there.**

Kevin breathed deep, falling back. Nathan sighed. "Just take it as it comes Kev. There's nothing more you can do."

Kevin nodded.

 

Eddward put his phone back on his night stand. "Okay. I'm meeting him at 2 o'clock at the café."

Sam smiled, patting Eddward on the head once as he walked to the bathroom. "It'l be fine kiddo. Just breathe."

"Y-Yeah. It'll be fine," he repeated, more to himself. "Um, Sam?"

"Yeah?" He called, walking back out with a towel to dry his face.

"This is going to sound stupid but...uh-"

"What is it?"

"What do I wear?"

Sam chuckled.

Dressed in a basic outfit of black skinny jeans and a grey jacket, Eddward sat in a booth, fiddling with his sleeves. 

' _Just be you, Eddward. Can't go wrong with that,_ ' Sam had assured him. 

Eddward's stomach felt as though it was tearing itself apart. The nervousness he felt was overwhelming, burning inside like a wild fire, melting all that held him together. Looking at his phone for the umpteenth time, Eddward watched the minutes tick buy and soon, it was 2:05. _  
_

_Oh god. He isn't here. He doesn't want to see me. I kept him waiting. I blew it. Oh god I blew it. I screwed up.  
_

Eddward's throat started to burn without warning, vision growing blurry for a moment as his eyes stung. Tugging his beanie over his eyes as a reflex, he bit his lip. The bell rang, signalling another customer and like he had done every time it had rung so far, he looked up, hoping more than anything that the green eyed ginger that he missed most would arrive. Alas, it was not. Eddward pulled his beanie back down and swallowed the lump in his throat, but the walls holding his tears were cracked, and was falling apart more by the second. Another bell, but Eddward didn't look up. He didn't want to.

_I blew it. I'm so sorry, Kevin._

"Dee?"

His breath stopped as the voice carried the word to his ears, flowing smooth like the summers breeze and feeling warm like the sun. He looked up, pulling his beanie away from his eyes, meeting forest green.


	18. Will You?

Kevin was running late. So stressed out and worried about all the possible outcomes of his planned meeting with Eddward, he lost track of the time. "Shit," he called out in anger, grabbing his things and all but jumping out the door.

"Calm down Kev. Good luck yeah?"

"Y-Yeah, thanks," he called back, worried that he would need far more that his friends wished luck to end the meeting on a high note. 

All but throwing himself on his bike, he rushed to the café and jumped through the door. Looking around for his beanie wearing Edward, his heart dropped. Sitting in a booth was the small body of the boy he was set to meet, shaking and visibly crying. He was holding his beanie over his eyes with both of his small hands, looking as though he was trying to hide from the world.

"Dee?"

Eddward chocked out his words, the two syllables making his insides grow weak with guilt. "K-Kevin?"

The gingers eyes were soft and full of worry as he watched the boy shake and wipe away the waterfall of emotions falling from his beautiful eyes. "Edd? Why are you crying?"

Eddward hiccuped once and wiped away more tears as he spoke. "I-I thought...I thought y-you weren't going to...show up."

Kevin's heart broke as he took a seat across from Eddward. "I'm so sorry I'm late but...why wouldn't I show? I told you I'd be here."

"I-I thought I-I blew it."

"Of course not. How could you possibly have-"

"I made you wait," Eddward cut in.

Kevin breathed deep. "Oh, Dee," reaching across the table, Kevin took one of Eddward's hands away from his face, holding it in both his own. "I would have waited for far longer if I had to."

Eddward squeezed Kevin's hand tight. Squeezing his eyes closed, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Edd, look at me," Kevin pleaded, squeezing his hand back. "Please."

Opening his eyes back up, Eddward peered up, displacing a few more tears. "I'm sorry Kevin."

"Please don't be sorry. I'm just...so glad you wanted to talk."

Eddward nodded slightly and sniffled, wiping away the remainder of his falling tears. When he spoke, it was still in a whisper. "I'm...glad you showed up."

"I will always come for you, Dee. If you want me to."

"I do. T-Thank you." The two sat in silence for a moment as Eddward composed himself. "Kevin I...I'm sorry I made you wait."

"Eddward." He looked up, meeting Kevin's gaze. "Don't be sorry."

"But I am. I'm sorry I made you wait for so long I just..."

Kevin squeezed Eddward's hand. "It's okay Dee. I understand."

"I was scared and didn't...I just..."

"Dee, please. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to...not yet."

"I want to, I just..." Eddward stopped and looked down. "Can we...can we go somewhere else please?"

Kevin took his hand back reluctantly and stood up. "Sure. Let's walk in the park then. Yeah?"

Eddward nodded and followed Kevin out and across the street to the park. The two took a seat on one of the benches along the path. Eddward spoke first. "I'm so glad you came, Kevin. I was...so worried. I was worried that you...." He breathed deep in an attempt to keep his voice steady. "I was worried that I'd made you wait so long that you...hated me."

"Oh god, Eddward," Kevin whispered, searching for the other's shaking hand, taking it in his own. "I could never hate you."

"I...I thought about things and...came to a conclusion." He took a deep breath. "l-like you."

Kevin's mind went blank, empty of everything but the three words he'd just heard. Kevin smiled, squeezing Eddward's hand. "I like you too."

"But I...I'm worried I don't...I've never been-"

"Eddward."

"Y-Yes?"

"Do you remember the first time I took you out?"

"I do."

"Do you remember what I said?"

"I..I don't think I do."

"When I told you I thought I liked you, I told you what I wanted to do. I told you that I wanted to be able to hold you and love you. I told you I wanted to care for you. That's still the same. I want to hear your secrets and your fears and your thoughts. I want to hear and hold only you. I don't care that you've never dated. Or that you're not crazy about the idea of sex. That doesn't change a thing. I want all of you, Edd, to hold and care for, but you're going to have to trust me."

Eddward breathed deep. "I do trust you."

Kevin squeezed his hand again. "Dee?"

"Yes?"

"Will you go out with me?"

"I'd love to."

Kevin's heart fluttered and was swarmed with instant happiness and relief. Eddward squeezed Kevin's hand back and placed his head against his shoulder, taking in the warmth the ginger emanated. 

 

"So?"

"So what?"

"Cut the crap Barr, just tell me what happened."

Kevin grunted, pulling his arms over his face in an attempt to hide his smirk. He and Eddward, after coming to a conclusion regarding their relationship, spend almost half an hour in utter and blissful silence sharing the warmth of one another. When it finally became too chilled, they returned to the college, exchanged a long hug and a gentle kiss on the forehead before parting ways. Upon entering his room, Kevin all but collapsed onto his bed in relief of how well the afternoon had played out. Sighing deeply, he sat up, back against the wall.

Nathan, a grin plastered on his face, spoke again. "Tell me what happened and don't leave anything out"

"So we met up at the café and when I got there, he was crying and-"

Nathan frowned, cutting in sharply, "Wait what, why?"

"Said he thought he blew it. Thought I wasn't going to show." Nathan still looked confused as to why, so Kevin sighed and continued, "Because he made me wait. We left and went to the park and he started crying again. He thought I might hate him because he made me wait for him to decide."

A whine curled in the back of Nathan's throat as he thought of Eddward, blaming himself and only thinking the worst.

Kevin closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him. "I know. Obviously I told him I could never hate him and things went from there. He gave me his answer, I told him how I feel and now..."

Nathan sat up straighter in anticipation of the answer that was to come. "And now?"

"We're dating."

Nathan squealed and launched himself from his bed to Kevin's, landing on top of him and engulfing him in a crushing hug. "That's great Kevy!"

Kevin groaned under the weight of his green haired friend. "I know but can you get the fuck off me? You're crushing me with your fat arse."

Nathan only held tighter. "My arse isn't fat, it's hot and you love it."

Kevin could only laugh. "Fuck off Goldberg."

 

Departing from Kevin, Eddward opened his door and climbed onto his bed in emotional and physical exhaustion. Picking up one of his pillows, he hugged it to his chest and sighed with relief. The day had gone far better than he had expected. The warmth of Kevin's hands around his own lingered in his memory, as did the comfort that came with it. Sam sat quietly on his bed, eyeing him with a smile. After a moment, he spoke. "You look tired."

Eddward nodded.

"How'd it go?"

Eddward's face grew five shaded brighter as he buried it face further into his pillow.

Sam couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, I take it?"

He mumbled, "We talked about things."

"And? Does he hate you like you thought he would?"

Eddward shook his head. "N-No."

"See? I told you, Kevin could never hate you."

"H-He also...asked me to be his boyfriend."

Sam smiled again. "And you said?" He had deduced what his answer was, by the way he was currently acting, but he wanted to hear the blushing boy say it for himself.

Eddward groaned in protest but spoke anyway. "I said y-yes."

"Congratulations kiddo."

Eddward nodded and mumbled a quiet, "Thank you.

He rolled over again and smiled into his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (10/10/2017 reposting - oh my god this was so cheesy I want to puke ugh)


	19. Breakfast

Eddward was woken from his slumber by a text message. Rolling over and reaching for his phone, he unlocked it. Reading it, he smiled sleepily.

**From; Kevin  
**

**Morning Dee.**

Two small words was all it took, and Eddward was happier that he had just been. He felt cared for and that made his insides well up with warmth. Returning the words, he received an answer in only a minute.

**From; Kevin  
**

 

**Meet me in the cafeteria for breakfast? Nathan will be here too so bring Sam if you want.**

Eddward looked up at Sam who was once again, messing with his phone. "Do you want to meet Kevin and Nathan for breakfast?"

Sam looked up and smiled. "I'm game."

Kevin and Nathan were already seated when Eddward and Sam arrived, waving them both over in a smile. Eddward took the seat closest to Kevin, the two smiling fondly at one another. Nathan and Sam couldn't help but to smile too.

"Look at our boys all cosy like," Nathan teased.

"Shut up Goldberg," Kevin grumbled, reaching under the table and taking Eddward's hand into his own.

Eddward smiled at his boyfriend.

After the four had their meals in front of them, Nathan spoke again, "Hey, you know there's this new club I came across down town and I was thinking..."

Kevin raised an eye brow, already expecting where his green haired friend was going with conversation. Sam spoke before Kevin got the chance. "I'm guessing you want to check it out then?"

Nathan grinned. "Hell yes I do. What do you think Kevin? Edd-lishious?

Kevin raised brow at the nickname as Eddward blushed. "Nathan, you're my best friend and all, but stop calling my boyfriend weird nicknames now."

Nathan waved a hand in dismissal. "Yeah, sorry. Habit I guess."

Kevin smiled, feeling Eddward clutch just a little tighter at his hand when he addressed him as such. "Yeah, I'm up for checking out this place but..." He looked down at Eddward, who in turn looked back. "What do you think Eddward? You up to it?"

Eddward visibly hesitated. "Um...how big is the place? I-uh...I mean how busy do you think it is?"

"I'm not sure," Nathan began. "The place itself isn't that big. I mean it's kind of small for a city club, but that'll make it better, yeah?"

Eddward didn't answer. He looked as though he was arguing with himself as to what to decide on. Kevin spoke first. "I know you're not one for busy places Dee," he tightened his grip on his hand in an attempt to comfort the boy, "but maybe...we should try and get you use to being around more people."

He nodded. "I know I'm just nervous."

Sam thought for a moment. "If we want to get you used to being around people, what if we...maybe had a small party here?"

Nathan nodded at the proposition. "Invite some more people, have some fun, start small and work from there. What do you think Edd? Nothing big, just a handful of other people."

Eddward thought for a moment to long, Kevin leaning in to speak quietly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I want you more used to people to...but if you're not ready-"

Eddward shook his head. "No I want to try. I think maybe Sam's idea might be...an easy way for me to start."

Kevin smiled and released his hold on Eddward's hand, moving his arm to rest around his shoulders, pulling him in for a slight hug. "Good job. We'll be there to help you."

Eddward smiled. "Thank you."

"I got a friend or two I can bring, what about you guys?" Sam asked.

Nathan grinned. "I've got a friend I can bring."

Kevin raised a brow. "Girl? Boy?"

"Boy," Nathan answered with nod. "He's pretty smart too. He's a drama student. I think you'll get along with him, Eddward. He's cool."

Kevin stopped for a second, swearing he saw a flash of something unknown in Nathan's eyes as he spoke of the un-named boy. Thinking it may have been nothing worth mentioning, he ignored it. "So you think you'll get him to come to this thing? Where are we going to have it anyway?"

"I should be able to get him to go. Don't worry. And why not our room?There's not going to be a lot of us. Maybe six or seven? That'll be do able."

Kevin nodded. "Sounds good. You okay with this, Edd?"

Blue eyes meeting with Kevin's green, he nodded. "Yeah. Sounds...fun."

"You're allowed to be nervous," smiled Kevin, holding Eddward a little tighter. "We'll all be there."

"Mm," Eddward smiled and nodded in appreciation towards the boys. "Thank you."

The day played through with nothing major or off-putting occurring and soon, it came to a close. Eddward laid in his bed, still feeling warm and safe from the new relationship that had blossomed between him and Kevin. For him, the day was made better with Kevin's insistent hand holding whenever they were sitting close, the simple gesture, making him happy. He felt wanted and loved and safe. And for once in a while, there were no destructive thoughts crashing around in his head.

_My boyfriend._


	20. Get-together

 

Knocking on the partition, Sam called for Eddward. "You alright Edd?"

A surprised yelp came from the other side as Sam knocked, a quiet voice soon following it. "Y-Yes I'm fine."

Avery nervous looking Eddward appeared. Sam smiled as the boy fiddled with his beanie. "A little nervous huh?"

Eddward nodded, avoiding his eyes. "It's just...What if they don't like me? Your friends and Nathan's, I mean."

Patting Eddward's shoulder, Sam spoke, "They'll like you, Eddward. You're a sweet kid and they'll see that. Don't worry."

Eddward nodded again and followed Sam out the door and towards Nathan and Kevin's room.

In the past, Eddward had never had many friends. Between the bullying and his already nervous disposition, he'd always found it hard to be around people he wasn't close with, whether they were mean or not. Eddward always wished that he could be more social, but things never went his way with the matter. So with Sam's idea of the small get together and the support of his few friends, Eddward was taking his first uneasy steps into a new circle of acquaintances.

Stopping at Kevin and Nathan's door, Sam knocked. Kevin answered and the two stepped inside. The four were the only ones present in the room, the guests yet to show. "Take a seat, Dee. Me and Sam will wait in the hall for the others."

Eddward nodded. "Y-Yes, okay." He looked around. "Um...where do I sit?"

Kevin smiled, noticing Eddward's nervousness. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a slight hug. "Just sit on my bed. Don't worry Dee. We're all here for you."

Eddward blushed and upon Kevin's release, moved onto the bed. Kevin smiled and left with Sam.

Nathan smiled, moving from his bed to Kevin's, next to Edd. "It'll be fine."

He nodded and smiled. "I know, I'm just...nervous."

"And it's okay to be."

"Thank you."

"So have you and Kevin kissed yet?"

Edd's eyes grew wide, his heart skipping a beat at Nathan's blunt question. "W-What?"

Nathan smiled at the boy's innocence. "I was just wondering, because you blushed like crazy when Kevin kissed you on the head, so I'm wondering if you've properly _kissed_. You know, on _the lips?_ "

Blushing bright, Eddward looked down at his hands, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He shook his head.

"I thought Kevin would have kissed you by now...unless..."

Eddward stayed silent.

Nathan bit his lip in an attempt to stop his smirk. "Edd have you ever kissed someone before?"

Releasing his hold on his shirt, Eddward moved his hands to his beanie, tugging it quickly over his eyes. He shook his head.

Nathan smiled wider at Eddward, wrapping an arm around him. "You're so god damn innocent."

In the past, Eddward had never felt anything towards anyone in the sense of a relationship, therefore never feeling the teenage infatuation with kissing or other activities. Now, with matured feelings for Kevin, his boyfriend, the activity was now and then coming to mind. Eddward knew why Kevin had never tried to kiss him - he knew he'd never done it before. Although he never told him directly, Kevin deduced the information for himself and so, the affection between the two stayed at simple hand holding, hugs, and kisses to either the top of the head, forehead or nose. But for Kevin, that was enough. He cared for Eddward and didn't feel the need to go further regarding affection until he knew his boyfriend was ready. Eddward on the other hand, worried about it. He worried that one day, the two would kiss and he wouldn't know how to react. It was a rather trivial thing to Eddward, in the past, but things were different now. The action of kissing could be seen everywhere; couples on the street, on the television, movies, but when he thought about it, it didn't seem as easy as it had been portrayed. It was just a kiss. Just two pairs of lips pressed against the other, but now it was so much more. It was a silent pledge between two people, two people who cared about each other. It was just a kiss, but now it was so much more. It's not that Eddward didn't want to kiss Kevin, it was more that at the thought, his mind was filled with the irrational fear of messing up when really there was nothing to mess up. It was just contact of the skin, and disregarding the feeling that would behind it, it was nothing more. So why was he so nervous? It was just a kiss, so why did it feel like so much more.

The door opened and in walked Kevin and Sam, three unknown people trailing behind them; one blonde, one brunette and the other, an odd yet stylish brownish purple. Kevin frowned at Nathan and Eddward, his boyfriend hiding behind his hat. "What happened?" The two turned, Eddward lifting up his beanie just enough to see. Kevin's frown disappeared at the sight of Eddward's bright blush. "Nathan what did you say to him?"

Nathan grinned. "Nothing."

"Bullshit. You alright Dee?"

Pulling his beanie back down over his eyes, he groaned in embarrassment of the occupants in the room seeing him in such a state. He spoke nonetheless, his voice reaching that of a whisper, "Y-Yes. Nathan and I were just talking."

The room chuckled, less Eddward. Kevin moved to sit next to him, placing a hand on this thigh as a form or reassurance. "Dee, this is Dylan and Cameron," he gestured to the blonde and brunette with his free hand, Eddward once again, raises his beanie out of his eyes. The boys nodded and smiled.

"Nice to meet you both," Eddward said, still a little quietly.

Nathan then stood up and wrapped a hand around the odd hair coloured boy's waist. "And this is James Castellanos, god even his name is sexy," he purred.

The boy growled and de-tangled Nathan's arms. "Shove off Goldberg, and don't call me that name, I detest it. Especially when it comes from your mouth." He then turned to Eddward, his face softening into a gently smile. "Call me Rave. It's nice to meet you Eddward."

Eddward smiled back and nodded. "Nice to meet you, Rave. Y-You can call me Edd."

The boys all nodded a took seating; Sam joining Kevin and Eddward on Kevin's bed, Nathan and Rave on Nathan's bed, Rave making a fact of sitting as far away as possible, and Dylan and Cameron on the two seats set up against the wall between the two beds.

Dylan and Cameron brought up two plastic bags, pulling bottles of alcohol from them. "You guys drink?" asked Dylan.

Kevin looked down at Eddward, knowing that he may not be comfortable around alcohol. "You alright if we drink Dee?"

Eddward was about to answer, but Rave spoke first. "If it makes you feel better, Eddward, I don't drink either."

Eddward smiled and nodded. "It's okay, you guys can drink. I don't mind."

Kevin smiled. "Alright, but if you want us to stop, just say."

Eddward nodded again. "I will."

The boys passed around drinks, less Rave and Eddward, and opened them. The subtle smell of alcohol filled the room quickly as the boys drank.

Nathan piped up after a particularly long drink from his bottle. "So what do you guys want to do first? Truth or dare to get to know each other," he looked at Rave, "You know, break the ice," he looked back to the group. "Or we could do something else if you guys have any ideas."

Rave eyes Nathan wearily. "I'm fine with truth or dare to start with, if you guys are."

Cameron laughed. "Hell yeah I'm game."

Sam hesitated. "I guess."

Kevin cleared his throat. "I'll play, only if we can back down if we have to, with the dares I mean."

Nathan raised a brow, understanding why he asked when he motioned to Edd, who was sitting sipping on his soft drink. He smirked. "Sounds fair, as long as you know that with denying a dare, you risk being branded a wuss...within moderation, of course."

Kevin nodded. "Fair enough. What do you think Dee? Sound fun?"

Eddward nodded, smiling a little. "Sounds fun."

Kevin looked back to Nathan and nodded, feeling slightly uneasy as he looked back with a smirk.

Nathan's grin grew impossibly wider. "Okay then boys, let's play."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to leave the big inner monologue more or less the same to keep it as close to the way my head was working at the time regarding asexuality.


	21. Truth Or Dare

"Okay then boys, let's play."

The other six nodded.

Dylan threw up his hand, "Can I go first?"

Nathan nodded. "Be my guest."

Dylan turned to Sam. "Alright Sammy, truth or dare?"

Sam thought for a second. "Truth. For the first round."

"Alright," he sipped his drink, thinking. "When was your first...girlfriend?"

"Alright first of all, weak. Second of all, I don't know like...fifth grade? Maybe?"

Dylan nodded. "Fair enough. Your turn then."

Sam turned to Kevin. "Truth or-"

"Dare," Kevin cut in with a challenging smile. "Bring it, Sammy."

Sam laughed. "Don't start, Barr. Alright then," he looked around the room, searching for something that he could use.

After a minute, Sam finally daring Kevin to lick a dirty sock. Calling it 'weak', Kevin did so, quite easily and quickly. The game continued for a while, the group losing any bearings of time. Truths were rare and the dares escalated with the intake of alcohol. Dylan fell asleep quite early, only having drunk two bottles. Cameron mumbled something along the lines of 'light weight'.

Nathan, giggling like a child after only his second bottle, turned to Rave with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Alright baby, truth or dare?"

Rave raised a brow. "Dare...and don't call me baby."

"Alright. I dare you to kiss me."

Rave's cheeks grew red as he shook his head. "Hell no! No was am I kissing you!"

Nathan smiled. "I never said on the lips, sweetie. Just a peck on the cheek. Unless you want to wuss out?"

Rave clenched his jaw as he looked around the room. None of the faces around him seemed to care in the slightest. Eddward was the only other sober one and he didn't seem to mind any less than the others, obviously. Turning back, he ground his teeth. "Fine. One kiss on the cheek. Try anything funny and I kick you in the face."

Nathan wriggled his brow. "Didn't know you were that flexible."

Rave blushed deeper at the innuendo. "Shut up, Goldberg. I'm only doing this because I don't want to back out."

Nathan nodded in a sarcastic way. "Sure."

Rave shuffled over next to Nathan, his nervousness quite apparent in his expression. Moving hesitantly, he pressed his lips to the cheek of a smirking Nathan. As soon as contact was made, he flinched back. As soon as he did, Nathan wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug. Rave struggled for a minute, but soon calmed down, knowing he couldn't win against Nathan's strength. Grumbling, he turned to Eddward, who was giggling along with the others at the display. His face changed to that of a challenging smile. "Alright Eddward, if this is so funny, how about you take a dare?"

Eddward hesitated, but nodded anyway. "O-Okay." Kevin placed a hand on his, reassuring him.

"Don't worry, it's not the bad." Rave smiled again.

Eddward nodded again. "Alight. I chose dare."

"I dare you to sit on Kevin's lap for the rest of the night."

Eddward blushed and looked down, then to Kevin, who was smiling in his alcohol induced stupor - the alcohol intake stifling his embarrassment. The boys around them laughed at Eddward's reaction. Kevin cleared his throat, then whispered. "It's alright, D. You don't have to if you don't want to."

Sam hummed in agreement.

Eddward shook his head. "N-No. It's alright," he whispered back.

Kevin, if not a little hesitantly, placed his hands around Eddward's waist and lifted into his lap, between his crossed legs. Placing him down, he wrapped his arms around his in a gently hug. Eddward, looking up to meet eyes with a smiling Rave and Nathan, waited for their words.

"Good job, Eddward." Rave smiled as Nathan winked, making Eddward's blush grow back, resulting in the tugging down of his beanie. 

The night played through for a few more hours. The game of truth and dare ended, replaced with a game of drunken Jenga and soon, just stupid and highly irrelevant conversation. Sometime late, Dylan and Cameron left to walk home and not soon after, Cameron having to all but carry his friend, Sam, Kevin and Nathan falling asleep. Nathan was still holding tight to Rave, who had at some point, sunk down beside him on the bed. Sam had moved to one of the vacant chairs, falling asleep in a position that, despite his arguments against it, looked quite uncomfortable. Eddward was still on Kevin's lap, in the corner of the bed against the pillows, now feeling safe and warm in the arms of his boyfriend. 

The two sat awake for a while, both in silence. After a while, Eddward yawned. "Do you like Nathan?" He couldn't help it, he had to ask. Usually quite against asking questions that may make people feel uncomfortable, Edwardd's tiredness got the better of him. "S-Sorry. You don't have to answer-"

"Edd," Rave smiled. "It's fine. Calm down." Eddward breathed out, still feeling his words to be rude. Rave sighed, his voice coming out unsure. "I don't know."

Eddward breathed a laugh. For some reason, as contradictory as it had always felt, he was quite good at reading the way one person felt about the other. The talent, if you could call it such, never worked regarding himself however. Looking at Rave and the way he looked at Nathan, made Eddward smiled. The two were an obvious pair, to everyone but themselves. Although Nathan was constantly flirting with people, the way he looked at Rave was different. Maybe he liked him because Rave seemed un-achievable. But there as something else there too, though. Rave, although he constantly protests Nathan's affection, seemed to never stay away. Maybe, just maybe, he felt something too.

Rave sighed again. "I don't know. I...sometimes I want to hate him, and the way he acts with all the...flirting and things but...I don't know."

"Can't stay away?"

Rave nodded. "Something like that."

"You...seem like you want to take a step towards him but...something."

Rave breathed a laugh. "Trust issues, I guess." He smiled sleepily. "Nathan is odd yet...he has a...welcoming quality about him. What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"When Nathan asked me to come tonight, he told me that he wanted to help a friend out with being more social but...you look like you have a pretty good reason behind your shyness."

Eddward hesitated. "I-uh...I guess I do."

A moment passed. "Like what?"

Eddward breathed deep. "I suppose...being friends with Nathan and hopefully me...you'll find out sooner or later."

"You don't have to tell me, Eddward. Not yet. Maybe another time, when we know each other more."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Eddward snuggled further into Kevin's warm arms.

Another moment passed. "You seem very...close with Kevin."

Eddward blushed lightly. "He's my boyfriend."

Rave smiled, as though his words had confirmed an earlier though on the matter. "Thought so."

"What do you mean?"

"Nathan didn't tell me but...you look at him like he's home."

"I suppose he is. He's...the closest thing I've ever felt to that, I suppose. He makes me...feel safe and warm and-"

Kevin breathed deep, unconsciously shuffling around into a vertical position, pulling Eddward into a tighter embrace. Breath quiet again, Eddward sunk back into Kevin's warm chest, relishing in the safety of his arms. Rave smiled. "Loved?"

Eddward nodded, smiling back. "Yes. Something like that."

Rave moved, much to the dismay of Nathan who grunted and held his waist tighter, to turn off the remaining lamp. The room grew dark, the street behind the open blinds being the only light source in illuminating the place. The room was silent, except for the breathing of the boys. Eddward laid still, warm and comfortable in the arms of his boyfriend, feeling the rising and falling of his chest against his back and the warm breath against his neck. Never had he dreamed of the position he was in - held tight by the one he cared most for. Kevin, _his_ boyfriend, was holding him tight to his chest, like he was the thing that mattered most. To Kevin, that's how it was, but Eddward had yet realize how true that was. All he knew at that time, while he was close enough to Kevin to feel him breathe, was that he felt safe and warm and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooow this is craaaaappy


	22. Warm Arms

Kevin woke with a slight headache pulsing in the back of his skull. The mid-morning light flooded into the room making his already blurred vision harder to focus. At times like this, Kevin questioned why he drunk but it's not like the post-morning struggles were ever going to deter him. Wiping his face with one hand, he moved to sit up but quickly stopped, a pressure on his other arm holding him down. Blinking to clear his vision of his post-sleep blurriness, his mind fell back to the happening of the night just passed. Eyes focusing, he looked at the object pinning down his arm. 

Eddward. 

The smaller boy's head rested on the gingers upper bicep, his lithe hands curled against his chest, his thin legs intertwined with Kevin's muscular ones. Relishing in the warmth of the smaller body, Kevin dusted a lock of loose hair from Eddward's forehead. He felt _perfect_ in his arms, like he was the _only_ thing he ever needed to hold in his arms and he _loved it._

Much to his dismay, he needed to move, other morning activities slightly more pressing for time. Moving slow and gentle, he edged his arm out from under Eddward's head, placing a pillow in its place. Sitting on the side of his bed, Kevin took another moment to marvel at _his_ boyfriend, curled up on _his_ bed like a wonderful dream. If it was, the ginger would never wish to wake. Looking around the room for the first time since awakening, he noticed that Sam was gone, leaving the chair he had occupied empty, despite having been there when they all fell asleep. The last remaining guest, Rave, was still tangled in Nathan's arms. He looked, despite his pre-sleep arguments against the arrangements, quite content and peaceful in the position. Kevin could not help but smile. The two looked like they were meant to be. Nathan, despite being one to flirt, had stopped soon after starting classes at the college. Could this olive skinned boy with peculiar hair be the reason? Possibly. The ginger would need to find out.

Groaning as he stands, Kevin moved to the bathroom. Time passed and Kevin returned, sitting back on the side of his bed and yet again, observing the sleeping boy nestled in his blankets. The sound of shuffling brought his attention to the other side of the room, where a waking Rave was untangling Nathan's arms from his slender middle. Sitting with his feet dangling over the side of the bed, Rave wiped his eyes and looked around. 

Meeting with Kevin's, he nodded. "Good morning."

Kevin nodded in return. "Morning."

Nathan shifted behind Rave, grumbling when his arms felt nothing in them. Rave mumbled, "Shit."

Sitting up, Nathan frowned. "You moved."

Rave frowned back. "Am I obligated to stay still?"

"No, but you were warm and soft," he mumbled, still waking.

"Shove off," Rave mumbled back, a slight heat rising in his face.

Nathan reached again for Rave's middle, ignoring his protests.

Kevin chuckled. "Don't even try to fight his grip, man. He's unnervingly strong."

"No kidding," Rave huffed, once again giving up his struggle.

"You love me." Nathan smiled into Rave's back.

"Shove off."

Movement in the mattress, Kevin turned his attention to a waking Eddward. Moving slowly, the waking boy sat up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. Attempting not to coo at his boyfriend, Kevin moved over to his side and wrapped an arm around him. Nestling into the touch, the sleepy boy closed his eyes again.

Kevin smiled. "Did we wake you?"

Eddward shook his head and smiled back, eyes still closed. A few minutes passed and Eddward opened his eyes back up, peering at Kevin. "Good morning," he whispered.

Placing a quick kiss atop his head, he replied. "Morning."

Nathan cleared his throat from the other side of the room. Kevin and Eddward looked over, to see a smiling Rave and a smirking Nathan. "Oh no, don't let up interrupt. Carry on."

Rave elbowed him, making his groan, then turned back to Eddward. "Morning Eddward."

Blushing at his forgetfulness of company, he buried his head into Kevin's side, then mumbled, "Good morning."

Rave sighed. "Nathan, let me go now. I need to use the bathroom."

"I'll come with you then," Nathan smirked, tightening his grip.

"No. Let me go."

"Only if you come back."

Rave scoffed. "Just let me go."

Nathan whined but did so anyway. Rave left and disappeared into the bathroom. Hearing the door lock click, Nathan looked back to Kevin and Eddward. "He's cute isn't he?"

Kevin shrugged. "I guess."

"I think he's warming up to me."

Eddward removed his face from Kevin's side. "He's very nice."

Rave's voice rose from behind the door. "I can hear you Goldberg so shut up. I still don't like you," he stopped, opening the door and standing with his arms crossed. He looked over to Eddward and smiled. "Thank you Eddward. You're very nice as well."

Eddward smiled.

Nathan feigned offence. "That's mean. I think you're lying anyway. You were pretty happy with being the little spoon last night."

Another blush rose in Rave's cheeks despite the sour look he threw at Nathan. "No, I just gave up fighting your monstrous grip."

"Your insults wound me, but I know that's just how you show you care."

Rave scoffed. "Shove off Goldberg." He turned back to Kevin and Eddward. "I need to go back to my room. I have some things to do today. It was nice meeting you both, I had fun. I hope we can hang out again some time."

Nathan wiggled his brow. "You can hang out with me any time, sexy."

Rave scoffed again. "I was speaking to Eddward and Kevin, not you."

"I know what you meant though."

Eddward giggled at Nathan's antics. "It was nice to meet you too Rave. I would like to hang out some time."

Rave smiled and waved a hand, moving to the door. "Good bye then. See you around." He closed the door behind him and disappeared from view.

Kevin looked down at Eddward, who yawned silently. "Sleep well?"

He nodded. Kevin smiled. "Me too. Bit of a headache now though."

Nathan grinned. "Sucks to be you."

Kevin frowned. "Do you ever get hangovers? Like ever?"

"Sometimes." He shrugged.

"So not fair."

Nathan waved his hand and stood up, moving to the bathroom.

Kevin looked back to Eddward. "What do you want to do today?"

Eddward shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I was just going to go back to my room. I don't want to bother you with your headache or anything."

Kevin shook his head. "You could never bother me. An aspirin and I'll be fine."

"Okay." Eddward smiled and yawned again. "What's the time?"

"Nathan," Kevin called out.

The green haired boy looked at him. "Yeah?"

"What's the time?"

Nathan frowned. "Why're you asking me?"

"Because you're already up."

"Fine." Nathan groaned. Moving over to his phone on his bed, he filled their request. "Almost midday."

Eddward's eyes grew wide. "I don't think I've ever slept this late."

Nathan frowned. "Ever?'

Eddward shrugged.

"Well, get used to it. It's the sign of a late night and we want to get you to more parties and socialising."

Kevin frowned. "I want him to socialise more too but I don't want him going to frat parties all the time either, Nat. Something might happen."

"Like what?" Eddward asked, looking up.

Nathan smirked. "What Kevin is implying, my dear Edd-lishious, is that he doesn't want to share you with drunk college kids that may or may not hit on you."

Eddward looked down. "O-Oh."

"You're making it sound like I'm possessive."

Nathan laughed. "You're a little possessive."

Kevin grumbled but didn't argue.

Eddward laughed at that, resting his head on Kevin. "That isn't a bad thing."

Nathan laughed too. "So what are you guys going to do today?"

"That's what I asked Dee before but we haven't decided."

"I'm pretty happy just to chill."

"Me too I guess. Dee?"

Eddward nodded. "Maybe for a little bit. I still need to study later tonight though. I have a practice science test this week."

Kevin planted a kiss atop Edward's head. "Sounds good to me. The more time I spend with you the better."

Nathan smirked from the other side of the room. "The more time I see of you two the better."

Kevin flung a pillow in his room mate's direction.

Eddward laughed and stood up. "I'll be back in about half an hour."

Kevin stood up and walked him to the door. "Too long," he mumbled. "But I think I can manage."

Looking up at him, his boyfriend smiled. "See you both soon."

"Bye, Edd," Nathan called.

"Bye." Kevin smiled.

Closing the door behind Eddward, Kevin moved back to his bed and sat down. A moment passed. "Do you like...seriously like Rave?"

Nathan looked up from his phone, making eye contact. He broke it only a half second later. "Maybe."

Kevin smiled. "Nathan Goldberg has a serious crush?" Nathan nodded.

"I don't think I've every heard you this quiet regarding any person you find hot. Usually you shout it from the god damn rooftop."

Nathan hesitated. "Well...Rave's different."

"What, because he didn't say yes?"

"I'm not gonna lie, I was a little interested in him because he turned me down but...after I like...got to know him a little...he's just...far more interesting than I ever could have guessed. He's smart too but he...I don't know. He interests me so much more than anyone really ever has."

Kevin nodded.

"And he has a nice ass too."

Kevin shook his head. "And here I was, just about to say how god damn mature you were sounding."

Nathan smiled. "You saying someone can't be mature _and_ admire a nice booty?"

Groaning, Kevin put his palm to his forehead. "You did not just say that."

"Say what?"

"Refer to an ass as a booty."

"Deal with it, my ginger friend."

Kevin sighed and fell back. Sometimes Nathan could sound quite knowledgeable, but other times he just sounded so...well, _Nathan._

Not much time had passed since Eddward had left, but Kevin already missed him. 

"I need an aspirin," he mumbled.


	23. Pizza With Nat, Edd, and Kev; feat Rave

Opening the door to his room, Eddward moved to sit down on his bed. Sam, situated on his bed on the other side of the room, moved and sat up from his sleep.

"Sorry Sam. Did I wake you?" Eddward asked.

Sam shook his head. "No. I'm just seriously hung over. I didn't even drink that much. What's the time?"

"A little after midday I think."

"You just get back?"

Eddward nodded.

"Sorry I left last night...this morning," Sam thought. "I don't know...you know what I mean. Woke up and you guys were all asleep. My comfy bed sounded more appealing than going back to sleep in a chair."

Eddward smiled. "I figured that's what happened."

"You have fun last night though?"

"Yes. I appreciate you and your friends trying to help me with my...social inadequacy."

Sam smiled. "No problem. I got to say, you looked seriously comfy sleeping in Kevin's arms."

Eddward blushed.

"Not to mention Rave with Nathan."

Blush somewhat fading, Eddward cleared his throat. "Those two are very odd together. They like each other but Rave's a little..."

"Closed in?"

Eddward nodded. "In one sense. How bad is your headache?"

"Alright I guess. I already had some tablets. I think I'll just sleep more though."

"In that case, I'll have a shower now and do some things. I'm going back to Kevin's room to hang out with him and Nathan."

Sam nodded and laid back down. "Have fun. See you later then."

Showering and grabbing his phone and wallet, Eddward left, returning to Kevin and Nathan's room.

 

Nathan sat on his bed, staring at Kevin, waiting for him to look up from his phone. Finally doing so, Kevin raised a brow. "What?"

"So you haven't kissed your boyfriend yet." His words were blunt, just a statement.

"No. No I haven't. How'd you know that?" the ginger asked, frowning slightly.

Nathan waved his hand dismissively. "I have my ways." He stared again. "Why haven't you? It's not like you've never-"

"But he hasn't."

Nathan shrugged. "I figured as such. But why haven't you kissed him yet? I mean...I get that he hasn't had his first kiss, which I have to say is innocent as _fuck_ , but how come you haven't like... _tried_?" Nathan asked.

Kevin sighed. "Because I can't just half ass it and kiss him whenever I feel like it. My first kiss wasn't a big deal to me, but I grantee that it is to him, so I need to make sure that his first kiss is what he wants it to be."

A knock on the door startled the two. "Hello?" A small voice called. "It's Eddward."

Kevin smiled. "Come on in then."

Kevin looked back at Nathan, who whispered, "This discussion isn't over, Barr." Kevin just rolled his eyes.

Eddward opened the door, then moved to stand at the foot of Kevin's bed. "I didn't want to be rude and just barge in."

Nathan smiled. "You? Rude? Not possible."

Eddward smiled and looked back at Kevin, who sat back and patted the spot beside him. "C'mon. Sit."

Nodding, he did so. Kevin moved so the two were shoulder to shoulder, once again feeling the satisfying warmth of the other. "Has your headache improved any? Sam has a hangover too."

"I guess he's just sleeping his off huh?" Eddward nodded. "I took some aspirin after you left so mine is getting better now."

Eddward smiled. "That's good."

It was silent for a moment, till Eddward's stomach grumble quietly. Kevin looked at him, as did Nathan. Eddward looked down and blushed. Nathan laughed. "Oh god that was cute."

Eddward groaned, placing his hands over his face. "I'm sorry."

Kevin smiled and wrapped his arm around Eddward's shoulder. "Don't be. I'm hungry too."

Nathan stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "You guys want to go eat then? I could use some food myself."

Kevin nodded and stood up, helping Eddward do the same. "Are we just going to the cafeteria?" The ginger asked.

"I don't know, I could use some food better than what they have here."

Eddward removed his hands and looked back up. "Like what?"

Nathan thought for a moment. "Honestly, I just want some really good pizza."

Kevin shook his head. "Of course you want pizza."

"What's wrong with pizza?"

"Nothing." Kevin chuckled. "We'll take your car then?"

Grabbing his keys, Nathan opened the door. "Sure. It's not like I'm in the mood to walk more than a few blocks anyway."

The three of them moved down to the garage and climbed into Nathan's car. Turning from his seat, he looked at Kevin in the front and Eddward in the back. "I know this really good pizza place down the road that we have to try."

Kevin chuckled at his enthusiasm. "Let's go then."

Nathan turned back and started the car, driving off down the road.

The ride was short, but somehow Eddward still managed to get lost in his thoughts. The day's activities, as well as the night just passed, felt like something from a dream. When Eddward left for college, he never could have imagined that, not only would be meet one of the people he cared most for, but also that he would step outside his usual doings. Just the simple get-togethers and 'hanging out' with friends were all things that Eddward thought he would never truly have the chance to do. He was scared of the idea. What if something happened? What if people didn't like him? What if they hated him? But now, things were different. Maybe he wasn't quite ready to go to busy clubs or bars. Maybe he wasn't ready to speak to complete strangers with ease. Maybe he never would be. That didn't matter though. Right now, at his current standing, Eddward was happy.

He was called out of his thoughts by Kevin. "D, you alright?"

Smiling, Eddward nodded. "Sorry, just...caught in my thoughts."

Kevin smiled. "Come on then."

Climbing out of the car, the three walked into a shop that Eddward had never noticed. Nathan walked to the counter and lent on it. Kevin chuckled. "What?" he asked.

"I just figured out why Nathan wanted to go to this place so much."

Eddward was confused, until Nathan spoke again. "Hey there cutie."

The boy behind the counter turned towards Nathan, his odd coloured hair tucked neatly behind his ears. The boy was smiling, ready to greet the next customer, till his eyes met with Nathan's, then it turned to a pointed glare. Although he was still not able to hide his true reaction completely as his cheeks grew slightly red. "What are you doing here Goldberg?"

"I just wanted to see you...and we wanted pizza."

Kevin chuckled. "Exactly Nat. We wanted pizza, not to have you flirting. Sorry Rave, didn't know you worked here."

Rave turned to Kevin, letting out a sigh. "It's not your fault. How did you even know I worked here Goldberg?"

Nathan smiled. "I have my ways."

Rave sighed again, then turned to Eddward. "Hello again."

He smiled. "Hello."

"I guess this is why you didn't stay for longer this morning." Kevin said.

Rave smiled. "Yeah...sorry." Kevin nodded with a smile while Nathan frowned. "So what do you guys want?"

"To order pizza of course." Nathan smiled.

Rave rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean Goldberg. Don't be a pain."

Kevin cleared his throat. "I guess we'll just have a meat lovers and...Dee what do you like best?"

"Pepperoni with lots of cheese." He smiled.

"That too then."

Nathan left to grab three cans of drink and brought them back to the counter. "Anything else you want?"

Nathan smirked. "A date?"

Kevin snorted at Nathan lame pick-up line while Eddward laughed. Rave didn't miss a beat when answering the remark, although another slight blush did make itself present. "Sorry, not on the menu." Kevin laughed harder as Nathan frowned. Rave pulled up the price and they paid. After about ten minutes, Rave came back with the pizzas and handed them over. "Alright. See you guys another time then. And Goldberg," Nathan looked toward him and raised a questioning brow. "Don't come and bug me at work all the time because I know you're thinking about it."

Nathan shrugged. "No promises."

The three left and sat on the tables outside the shop and ate their food. After finishing, they sat around and spoke about nothing in particular for a while, soon sawing another goodbye to Rave and returned to the dormitories. By the time they returned it was late afternoon, so the three decided to split up and go back to their rooms. Edd hugged Kevin tightly and per Nathan's pouting request, gave him the same. "Thank you both for today and last night. I had fun."

Kevin and Nathan smiled warmly. The ginger placed another kiss atop Eddward's head. "We had fun too. I'm just glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for trusting us."

"Always." Eddward smiled.

Waving goodbye, the Nathan and Kevin walked down the hall to their room. Eddward went inside his own room and fell onto his bed, utterly exhausted. Sam still laid in his own bed, sleeping soundly, snoring slightly. Although not much had occurred that day, the happening of the night passed still played in Eddward's mind. Slipping under the covers for an exceptionally early night, he couldn't help but miss the arms that were wrapped around him the night before. He smiled sleepily as he remembered them and the security they offered him and the caring way in which they held him. He closed his eyes at the memory of the warmth they enveloped him in and the safety he felt when laying in them. His breathing slowed, recalling all the things he felt when held. He drifted off to sleep, relishing in the memory of how loved Kevin had made him feel, just by holding him close. He missed the warmth around his body as he laid alone in his bed, but he was still happy knowing that those arms, those lovingly warm arms, were his to return too.


	24. Team Practice

The next few days were nothing but classes for the group or boys, as well as the rest of the college, all of them preparing for up and coming tests and exams. Things had progressed with the friendship between Rave and the others as well, the boy opting to meet with them for their lunches, as per Eddward's request. The new addition made things more interesting for them all also including giving Nathan a much wanted chance to become closer to the boy. Kevin and Edd had however, spoken to him about toning down his flirting to something that would be much more bearable. Nathan, not wanting to ruin something that could possibly be in the future, agreed to try.

Kevin and Eddward sat in their afternoon class waiting for the teacher to start the lesson. Turning to Edd, Kevin spoke, "Hey Edd, I was thinking we could all go to the beach or something again on the weekend. It's just..." he scratched his nose and looked away. "It's just that I remember on your birthday...you said you really liked the ocean."

Eddward watched Kevin look away as he spoke. He smiled gently and moved his hand to meet Kevin's. "I'd like that, Kevin."

Looking back up into Edd's eyes, he held his hand lighter and smiled. "Great. I was just thinking us, Sam, Nat and Rave."

Eddward laughed. "I have a feeling that Nathan would enjoy the chance to show himself off the Rave."

Kevin groaned in fake annoyance but smiled anyway. "I wish those two would just date or whatever."

"Rave needs time, Kevin. Just like I did."

Kevin nodded. "I know." The two sat quietly for a moment, then Kevin spoke again. "Hey do you want to come watch afternoon practice?"

Eddward smiled.

The teacher finally started the lesson ten minutes after he was meant too. When class finished, Kevin led Eddward to the sports field. A few people had already arrived and were sitting and standing around the bottom of the bleachers, chatting. Making their way over, Sam turned from the group and met them. "Hey Kevin, Edd."

Kevin nodded. "Hey. Though Eddward might want to see us practice for once. You don't think coach will mind?"

Sam waved his hand in dismissal. "Nah he won't care. As long as you play good." Sam looked past the two and stuck up his hand.

Nathan made his way over. "Hey guys. What are you doing here Edd? Come to watch your boy toy practice?"

Eddward blushed, Kevin punching Nathan's arm. "C'mon baby. How about you go take a seat. Couch will be here in a minute and we have to run a few laps."

Eddward stopped breathing for a moment, his blush growing far brighter than before. Kevin frowned, wondering what he'd reacted too. Nathan smirked, knowing exactly why. Sam knew too, but stayed quiet, opting for a smile instead. Nathan leaned to whisper in Kevin's ear. "You called him baby, Kev. Pretty sure that's the first time you've ever said that to him." Kevin's eyes widened. Nathan bit his lip to stop a laugh and looked at Sam, gesturing for him to follow him away from the two. The two left, re-joining the other who were chatting, leaving Eddward and Kevin alone.

Kevin looked back down at Eddward, who was still blushing profusely. He cleared his throat awkwardly. He didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out. He had used the name regarding people he had dated in the past. Granted, they had all been females. Did it bother Eddward? Or was he just flustered because he'd never been called such a thing? "Dee?"

Eddward didn't say anything, he just nodded slightly.

"Do you...sorry I didn't mean to call you that. I won't call you that again if you don't like it. It just...slipped."

Eddward grabbed the hem of Kevin's jacket and shook his head. "S-Sorry I was just...surprised." He breathed deep, keeping his head down. "I've just never been called something like t-that."

Kevin hesitated. "Do you...not want me to call you that?"

Eddward shook his head and whispered, "I...don't mind."

"You...sure? If you're not it's okay."

Eddward moved his grip from Kevin's jumper to his hand. "I don't mind." He looked up, still blushing but smiling as well. "I like it."

Kevin breathed out in relief and held Eddward's hand tight. Placing a quick kiss atop his head, he left to rejoin the rest of his team. "I'll talk to you after then."

Eddward nodded and moved to sit at the back of the bleachers. Nathan and Sam watched the exchange, both smiling to themselves. Kevin walked over to them and, upon seeing their faces, scowled at them muttering a "bugger off," before the three of them followed the rest of the team in running a lap of the field.

Eddward sat on the bleachers, wrapping his jumper closer around his body as the afternoon wind blew through the air. He watched the team practice and, although he didn't know much about sport, he enjoyed it none the less. As the team completed their drills, the light began to dim and soon, practice was over. The coach spoke to the boys and then they all returned to the bleachers to gather their things. Most of the players removed their sweaty jerseys, leaving themselves in just their single tops. Eddward couldn't help but sit there and watch as Kevin stripped off his jersey along with the others, revealing his toned arms. Stretching his arms above his head, his muscles flexed and moved beneath the skin. Eddward was still sitting at the top of the bleachers, still focused on Kevin. Kevin looked up at Eddward, catching him staring. He smiled, making Eddward blush. Standing, he climbed down the bleachers to meet Kevin and the others, blush now blatantly prominent. Nathan grinned at Eddward as he approached. The four of them grabbed their things and moved off to the dorms. Stopping at Sam and Eddward's room, they said their goodbyes. Eddward moved in for a hug, but Nathan stopped him with a warning. "Don't do it Eddward. He's all sweaty and smelly and gross."

Eddward laughed. "I don't mind."

Kevin smirked proudly and hugged Eddward. "See you later baby."

Eddward blushed slightly again and smiled. "Bye."

Kevin and Nathan walked into their room, both showering one after the other. When they were nice and relaxed, they laid on their beds, both shirtless and still slightly damp. Kevin ran his hand over his skin, his fingers tracing a long raised line dragging over his abdomen. The line was not very thick and wasn't very jagged. It was straight and precise, despite the conditions which he obtained it in. He didn't dwell on what happened for it to be there, but the re-appearance of Eddward and the way that he was not very important in his life, caused the event to appear ever so slightly in the back of his memory.

Nathan watched as his room mate's fingers dances over the raised scar. He didn't know how Kevin had obtained it. The first time he'd seen it he asked, but Kevin didn't tell him, seeing quite uncomfortable with talking about it. He didn't mind though. If Kevin ever wanted to tell him, he would be more than happy to listen.


	25. Salt Tears

Soon enough, Saturday was upon them, and the five of them were off to the beach. It was just after midday when they all stepped foot on the hot sand. The sun was high and the air was warm. Moving to a suitable spot under the shade, they all sat down. After a while, Nathan, Kevin and Sam left to buy some food and drinks, leaving Rave and Edd by themselves.

"How are things with you and Kevin?" Rave asked with a smile. "I notices he started calling you baby. The fact That's a step forward."

Eddward blushed slightly. "Things are going great. What about...you and Nathan?"

Rave looked towards the ocean. "I-uh...don't know. He keeps asking me on dates and flirting and stuff. Since I started hanging out with you guys more I noticed that...there's more to Nathan than just that."

Eddward nodded and smiled. "That there is."

Almost ten minutes passed when the other three returned, bearing food and drinks. Sitting back down, they started to eat. As time passed and they finished their food, the sun dropped lower into the afternoon and the heat was far more bearable. Nathan stretched his arms above his head and looked around. "So are we going in the water or not?"

Sam stood up. "I'm game."

The others nodded. Nathan and Sam remove their shirts and applies sun block. Rave did the same, revealing his thin frame, in which Nathan made no attempt to not stare at. Looking back, Rave caught him staring and blushed lightly. "Stop staring at me. It's creepy."

Nathan, for his part, didn't reply with a smart remark. He simply turned away and mumbled, "Sorry."

Rave frowned, as did the others, at his odd and out of character behaviour.

Sam cleared his throat and looked back at Kevin and Eddward, who were still sitting down. "You guys coming?"

Kevin finished the rest of his drink and the two stood up. He looked at Eddward, who was fidgeting with his beanie, obviously self-conscious of his scars on both his head and arms. "You alright?"

Eddward whispered, "What about my...uh...scars?"

Kevin smiled and kissed his head. "You worry too much. They're fine okay? I promise."

Eddward nodded and smiled. "Yeah. Sorry."

"Don't be. C'mon baby."

Eddward slowly discarded his beanie and put it down. Kevin moved to take of his top, as did Eddward. Kevin turned back to Eddward taking in his boyfriend's thin and pale frame. The scar on his head was prominent, but Kevin thought it looked awesome. The mark on his arms however, were a very different story. They were thin now, and pale, after all the year that had passed. They littered his skin. Eddward didn't like the look of them. Neither did Kevin, but both for different reasons.

Eddward didn't like them because they were a reminder of his past, and how weak he thought he was. They were a reminder of all the times he'd fallen down. Of all the times he tried to make himself numb. They made him feel weak. To Kevin, the marks were a reminder of when he wasn't there for him. But it was also a reminder of how he helped stop things from getting worse. It reminded him of how strong Eddward had been in the situation he was in – stronger than he even knew himself. He didn't think the scars were beautiful or pretty. He didn't like them either, but he liked Eddward, and they were a part of him. They told his story – his past. They showed who he was in the past, as well as who he was now. So, no. Kevin didn't like them either, but he liked the boy they were a part of, and he wanted to make sure that the marks never appeared again.

Eddward looked back to Kevin and visibly stopped breathing.

Kevin frowned. "You alright?"

Eddward didn't answer.

"Dee?"

His eyes seemed plastered on Kevin's chest and his face seemed paler than usual.

Sam called back from where the others were waiting on the water's edge. "What's the hold up?"

Kevin didn't answer, so the others started moving back to them. When they got closer, Kevin held up a hand and they stopped.

He called again. "Eddward?"

He still didn't answer. Instead, he moved a shaking hand forward and pressed it against Kevin's abdomen. Kevin still didn't know what was wrong with him, but upon this action, he realised. His eyes grew wide as Eddward brushed his fingers against the long line that marked his stomach. Eddward's breath was shaky as his fingers danced over the raised line.

Kevin was, to say the least, worried. The scar had been a part of him for so long that he never really thought about it. Eddward however, hadn't seen the scar in so long, that he'd almost forgotten it was there. He hadn't even thought of how Eddward would react with seeing it, or even that he would.

His eyes became cloudy as a few tears fell down his cheeks. He still didn't look up. Kevin's voice turned to a whisper. "Eddward."

Eddward swallowed a few tears and, with a shaky voice, whispered, "S-Sorry I...I j-just...I-"

Kevin took his hand in his own. "It's okay."

He breathed a shaky breath.

"Do you want to sit down for a moment?"

Eddward nodded. Kevin sat back down on the sand and pulled him onto his lap, rubbing his back slowly and gently.

Nathan, Sam and Rave stood there, not completely understanding what had caused the sudden and drastic change in Eddward's mood. So they just stood there watching as Kevin held Eddward on his lap, rubbing soothing circles on the pale, glassy eyed boy's back.

After a few minutes, Eddward seemed to have calmed down. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be," Kevin replied, planting a tender kiss atop his head. "I should have thought about this before-"

"No it's not your fault. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"No your reaction was warranted. You don't have to pretend that everything is alright?" A few more tears pricked Eddward's eyes and his bottom lip shook once. Kevin pulled Eddward's head into the side of his neck, brushing his fingers over hit temple in a soothing manner. "It's okay."

After another few minutes, the others had taken seating next to Kevin and Eddward. The latter looked up with glassy eyes and met the gazes of the others one at a time. He whispered, "I'm sorry I ruined the day." They smiled sadly, still wondering what had caused such a reaction with the boy.

"You didn't ruin anything," Nathan assured. The others nodded in agreement.

Eddward looked back up at Kevin. "Do they know about how you...got...uh," he ran his fingers over the scar with a murmur of words.

"No. I never spoke about it. But maybe I...I won't tell them unless you're okay with it."

Eddward nodded weakly. "You can tell them I...don't like keeping secrets. I was just...I," he breathed deep before continuing. "I was just...surprised to see it. I haven't seen it since it...happened and..."

Nathan was the first who dared to ask next. "When what happened?"

Kevin sighed. "I don't want to give you the long story at the moment but...after Eddward got out of hospital after Harrison-" Eddward tensed at the name and the memories in which it carried, making Kevin tighten his grip around him, "Well after... _that_...me and Tyler went to confront him and well...things turned a little...messy."

Rave looked at Nathan, having been told by him about what had happened to Eddward after their first meeting. "What did he-"

Eddward spoke up with a shaky whisper, surprising the others. "H-He...had a knife a-and he...He cut Kevin's stomach and started kicking him when he was down and almost...h-he almost-"

"Dee, sweetheart don't," Kevin hushed him, holding him tighter then before, rubbing circled in his side. Tears began to fall back down Eddward's cheeks ad he shook on his lap. "You don't have to think about it alight? Don't do that to yourself."

Rave, Nathan and Sam didn't know how to react to Eddward's slight outburst of words. The things he said were only a few words long, but they were so raw and brutal. They all opted to stay quiet for a moment as they took in the words.

Kevin breathed deep. "I think I should take him back."

Nathan nodded and fished out his car keys. "Take my car, I'll get a ride back."

Nodding in thanks, Kevin tugged Eddward away. The others watched as the two drove away. "Shit," Sam muttered. "Lets get our stuff and go back then. I'm not in the mood to do anything now."

"Yeah." Nathan mumbled **.**


	26. Tell

Kevin pulled up the car at the college and got out. Opening Edd's door, he pulled him gently by the hand, leading him up the stairs. The car ride had been agonizingly quiet with only a few sniffles and deep breathes escaping Eddward's quivering lips. No words were exchanged on the way to Edd's room, neither of them knowing what to say. The room was dark when they entered, the curtains closed and the mood gloomy. They sat on the bed for a minute or two, still in silence, till Eddward spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

Kevin pulled the boy closer, wrapping a warm arm around him. "Don't be. You did nothing wrong."

"B-But I-"

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong."

Edd nodded, despite not truly believing Kevin's decoration. Kevin pulled him closer into his hold. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything."

Kevin smiled gently. "I told you I'd catch you didn't I? All those years ago?"

Edd nodded, this time seeming tired.

"You sleepy?"

Edd nodded.

"Crying does that to you."

He nodded again. "Y-Yeah...sorry."

"Stop it. You don't need to be sorry for anything. Do you want to sleep?"

Edd shook his head, his voice once again changing to a whisper. "No I don't want to. What if the dreams come back again? I don't...want to go back...there."

Kevin thought for a moment, then unsurely, asked, "What if I stay with you then? Will that help?"

Edd looked up at his boyfriend with glassy eyes. "Y-You'd do that?"

"Or course I would. But only if you're okay with it."

Edd nodded.

"Do you want to stay here or...?"

"Can we...go back to your room? I don't want to bother Sam." Edd put his head back down in a whisper.

Kevin smiled. "Or course we can."

The two moved off from the room, gathering Edd a change of clothes in the process, and returned to Kevin's. Moving inside, they sat back down on the bed. "Thank you." Edd whispered.

"It's alright. Why don't you have a shower and change. It might help calm you down a little more, yeah?"

Nodding, Edd moved off to the bathroom and not long after, the water turned on. Kevin knew just as well as Edd, that he would probably have a bad dream tonight, or a nightmare. He also knew that if he woke up like that in his own room, Sam probably would not have known how to handle it as well as him.

Kevin changed clothes as well and, after around ten minutes, Edd returned from the bathroom. Hair damp and shoulders slumped, he made his way back to Kevin's bed. Looking up at him, Kevin opened his arms, becoming Edd into them. Gently, Edd took the invitation and climbed into his lap, allowing Kevin to wrap his arms around him, enveloping him in the warmth and comfort he so desperately needed. Moving back so he was against the wall, Kevin held Edd tight, hoping that the gesture was enough to allow him a peaceful sleep. Edd fought against his eyes closing. "Don't worry. I said I'd stay, and I will," Kevin whispered. Giving up his futile fight, Edd closed his eyes. His breathing stabilized further after a few minutes, growing quiet and deep. Kevin continued to rub soft circled in his side even as time passed, wanting the even unconscious Edd, to know that he was still there, and that he was going to stay.

Time passed, and Nathan returned, quiet and somber. "How is he?"

Kevin smiled sadly. "Should be better when he wakes up...I hope."

"I figured he's be in here with you when he wasn't in his and Sam's room."

"They went back to their rooms?"

Nathan nodded, then hesitate to speak his next words. "Do you...will you tell me what happened?"

"What?"

"Will you tell me what happened for you to get...that?" He gestured to Kevin's abdomen. "I mean the whole thing? You don't...have to...if you don't want."

"It's not exactly something I like to talk about."

Nathan stayed quiet.

Kevin leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "But...I appreciate that you're not being all...nosey with it."

Nathan still stayed silent.

"Well...I told you what he did to Edd right?" Nathan nodded in response. "Well he didn't get charges pressed against him."

Frowning, Nathan asked, "Why not?"

"To scared I guess. Thought he deserved what happened to him. I'm one who charged him. And Tyler."

Another silence spread through the room as Kevin moved Edd off his lap and onto the bed, pulling the blanket over him.

"He really was that bad?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. He was that bad. After Edd got discharged, and started going back to school, Harrison still did some stuff. Nothing like before but...it was the last straw for us. So...Tyler and I went to confront him. Nazz and Edd were with us too, just in case things got bad. Edd of course, tried to talk us of it. We started talking and-" he took a deep breath. "-he started talking about Edd. Started saying stuff like it was his fault he was picked on. Called him pathetic. Told him-" Another deep breath. "-he should just die." A few minutes passed in silence, Kevin brushing his hand along Edd's face. "So...naturally, I lost it. So did Tyler. Unlucky for us, the bastard had two of his 'friends' with him. Tyler took care of them and I took care of Harrison. Hit him for a while, and finally knocked him down."

Another silence spread through the room. "So how did you..."

"He got back up. I chose not to hit him when he was down, and he got back up. I guess I wasn't expecting it. He turned, and cut me open. Next thing I know I'm on the ground in a pile of blood. Everything went numb and I passed out. Woke up in the hospital a little later."

"Why is Edd so...you know...Why is he so touchy with it?"

"He's sensitive. Always was. But also, Nazz told me that when she came back with help, Harrison ran off, and Edd had a bruised face and was pressing his hands over my stomach trying to keep me together. He got a nick on his jaw too. Can't see it, but you can feel it," he ran his thumb over the small raised line. "Harrison cut him too. But none of us saw it."

"So he stayed there the whole time?"

Kevin nodded. "And he thought it was his fault. Nazz said that Harrison said something to him before running off. None of us know what he said and Edd won't tell us but it hit him hard enough that he went home and..."

"And...what?"

"Hurt himself."

Nathan didn't know what to say.

"He blamed himself," Kevin continued "for what happened to me."

"So he..."

"Yeah. He went home and hurt himself. Nazz and Tyler found him that night: passed out with a bloody arm."

"How much better is he now? Compared to then?"

Kevin smiled. "Lots. I think he's gotten a lot better." It was silent for another few minutes, till Edd started to whimper softly. Kevin brushed his fingers along his face, soothing him back into silence. He sighed. "I'm worried that...the reason he reacted the way he did, is because he still blames himself. Just a little. But it's a little too much."

The conversation ended and soon, Kevin drifted off to sleep, laying peaceful next to Edd. The night passed, and a few times, Edd stirred with whimpers and tears. It was nothing horrible distraught, but through the whole night, Kevin didn't leave once, just as promised.


	27. So

Kevin pulled up the car at the college and got out. Opening Eddward's door, he pulled him gently by the hand, leading him up the stairs. The car ride had been agonisingly quiet with only a few sniffles and deep breathes escaping Eddward's quivering lips. No words were exchanged on the way to Eddward's room, neither of them knowing what to say. The room was dark when they entered, the curtains closed and the mood gloomy. They sat on the bed for a minute or two, still in silence, till Eddward spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

Kevin pulled the boy closer, wrapping a warm arm around him. "Don't be. You did nothing wrong."

"But I-"

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong."

Eddward nodded, despite not truly believing Kevin's decoration. Kevin pulled him closer into his hold. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything."

Kevin smiled gently. Eddward blinked, a little slow. "You tired?"

He nodded.

"Crying does that to you."

He nodded again. "Y-Yeah...sorry."

"Stop it. You don't need to be sorry for anything. Do you want to sleep?"

Eddward shook his head, his voice once again changing to a whisper. "No I don't want to. What if the dreams come back again? I don't...want to go back...there."

Kevin thought for a moment, then unsurely, asked, "What if I stay with you then? Will that help?"

Eddward looked up at his boyfriend with glassy eyes. "You'd do that?"

"Or course I would. But only if you're okay with it."

He nodded.

"Do you want to stay here or...?"

"Can we...go back to your room? I don't want to bother Sam." Eddward put his head back down in a murmur.

Kevin smiled. "Or course we can."

The two moved off from the room, gathering Eddward a change of clothes in the process, and returned to Kevin's. Moving inside, they sat back down on the bed. 

"Thank you," Eddward murmured.

"It's alright. Why don't you have a shower and change. It might help calm you down a little more, yeah?"

Nodding, Eddward moved off to the bathroom and not long after, the water turned on. Kevin knew just as well as Eddward, that he would probably have a bad dream tonight, or a nightmare. He also knew that if he woke up like that in his own room, Sam probably would not have known how to handle it as well as him.

Kevin changed clothes as well and, after around ten minutes, Eddward returned from the bathroom. Hair damp and shoulders slumped, he made his way back to Kevin's bed. Looking up at him, Kevin opened his arms, becoming Eddward into them. Gently, Eddward took the invitation and climbed into his lap, allowing Kevin to wrap his arms around him, enveloping him in the warmth and comfort he so desperately needed. Moving back so he was against the wall, Kevin held Eddward tight, hoping that the gesture was enough to allow him a peaceful sleep. Eddward fought against his eyes closing. "Don't worry. I said I'd stay, and I will," Kevin whispered. Giving up his futile fight, Eddward closed his eyes. His breathing stabilised further after a few minutes, growing quiet and deep. Kevin continued to rub soft circled in his side even as time passed, wanting the even unconscious Eddward, to know that he was still there, and that he was going to stay.

Time passed, and Nathan returned, quiet and somber. "How is he?"

Kevin smiled sadly. "Should be better when he wakes up...I hope."

"I figured he's be in here with you when he wasn't in his and Sam's room."

"They went back to their rooms?"

Nathan nodded, then hesitate to speak his next words. "Do you...will you tell me what happened?"

"What?"

"Will you tell me what happened for you to get...that?" He gestured to Kevin's abdomen. "I mean the whole thing? You don't...have to...if you don't want."

"It's not exactly something I like to talk about."

Nathan stayed quiet.

Kevin leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "But...I appreciate that you're not being all...nosey with it."

Nathan still stayed silent.

"Well...I told you what he did to Dee, right?" Nathan nodded in response. "Well he didn't get charges pressed against him."

Frowning, Nathan asked, "Why not?"

"To scared I guess. Thought he deserved what happened to him. I'm the one who charged him. And Tyler."

Another silence spread through the room as Kevin moved Eddward off his lap and onto the bed, pulling the blanket over him.

"He really was that bad?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. He was that bad. After he got discharged, and started going back to school, Harrison still did some stuff. Nothing like before but...it was the last straw for us. So...Tyler and I went to confront him. Nazz and Edd were with us too, just in case things got bad. Edd of course, tried to talk us of it. We started talking and-" he took a deep breath. "-he started talking about Dee. Started saying stuff like it was his fault he was picked on. Called him pathetic. Told him-" Another deep breath. "-he should just die." A few minutes passed in silence, Kevin brushing his hand along Eddward's face. "So...naturally, I lost it. So did Tyler. Unlucky for us, the bastard had two of his 'friends' with him. Tyler took care of them and I took care of Harrison. Hit him for a while, and finally knocked him down."

Another silence spread through the room. "So how did you..."

"He got back up. I chose not to hit him when he was down, and he got back up. I guess I wasn't expecting it. He turned, and cut me open. Next thing I know I'm on the ground in a pile of blood. Everything went numb and I passed out. Woke up in the hospital a little later."

"Why is Eddward so...you know...Why is he so touchy with it?"

"He's sensitive. Always was. But also, Nazz told me that when she came back with help, Harrison ran off, and Eddward had a bruised face and was pressing his hands over my stomach trying to keep me together. He got a nick on his jaw too. Can't see it, but you can feel it," he ran his thumb over the small raised line. "Harrison cut him too. But none of us saw it."

"So he stayed there the whole time?"

Kevin nodded. "And he thought it was his fault. Nazz said that Harrison said something to him before running off. None of us know what he said and he won't tell us but it hit him hard enough that he went home and uh..."

"And...what?"

"Hurt himself."

Nathan didn't know what to say.

"He blamed himself," Kevin continued "for what happened to me."

"So he..."

"Yeah. He went home and hurt himself. Nazz and Tyler found him that night: passed out with a bloody arm."

"How much better is he now? Compared to then?"

Kevin smiled. "Lots. I think he's gotten a lot better." It was silent for another few minutes, till Eddward started to whimper softly. Kevin brushed his fingers along his face, soothing him back into silence. He sighed. "I'm worried that...the reason he reacted the way he did, is because he still blames himself. Just a little. But it's a little too much."

The conversation ended and soon, Kevin drifted off to sleep, laying peaceful next to Eddward. The night passed, and a few times, Eddward stirred with whimpers and tears. It was nothing horrible distraught, but through the whole night, Kevin didn't leave once, just as promised.


	28. Motel Rooms

Edd put his packed bag inside the boot of the rental car, next to Kevin's own bag. Closing the boot, he turned back to Kevin who was saying goodbye to Nathan and Sam. Rave stood next to him.

"Excited?" He asked.

"Yeah. Nervous too."

"To be expected. You haven't been away with anyone like this before, have you?"

Edd shook his head. "Never. Let alone my boyfriend."

Rave smiled, placing a hand on Edd's shoulder. "You'll have fun. And you know he won't try and make you do anything you don't want to."

Edd smiled. "I know that. I just don't want to stuff up."

Rave frowned. "How could you stuff up?"

Looking down, Edd blushed slightly. "We still haven't kissed yet."

"He hasn't asked you about it has he?"

Edd shook his head.

"Then it doesn't bother him as much as you think."

"But...I want to kiss him. I just don't want to stuff it up. I've never kissed anyone before."

Rave smiled and shook his head. "You're so innocent, I swear." Edd blushed. "You worry too much. You won't stuff up, trust me. When it happens, just go with it. If it's meant to happened, you'll know what to do."

Since they had met, Eddward and Rave had spoken quite often. At one point, Edd had even convinced Rave to join him in watching Kevin and Nathan at their weekly team practice.

With a last round of goodbyes, Edd and Kevin got into the car and drove off, not set to be back for almost a week.

The drive took about two hours, and by the time they arrived at the motel, afternoon had begun to set in. Kevin pulled their bags from the boot of the car as Edd left to retrieve the room key. Returning, he opened the door and the two stepped inside. The room was nice and clean, with a double bed in the corner. Kevin had been quite unsure when asking Edd if he wanted to share a bed or not. Dispute the two having slept in the same bed before, that was under quite different circumstances. Edd however, smiled and agreed, brushing some of Kevin's nervousness over the situation aside. There was a reasonably sized bathroom in the room, as well as other things like a mini fridge and a television. The room was nice, but felt even nicer that the two of them where there together. Kevin fell onto his back on the bed, sighing from the exhaustion of the drive. Edd sat next to him, yawning as well. Smiling, Kevin wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him down, earning a surprised yelp from Edd. He giggled as Kevin kissed his forehead and pulled him close.

"M'tired," Kevin whispered.

"Me too." Edd smiled, moving his head under Kevin's chin.

"It's still early. Sleep now and do stuff later? We're in no rush."

Edd nodded again, and soon, the two dozed off.

Waking mid-afternoon, Kevin sat up and stretched. Edd laid quietly next to him, curled in a ball. Kevin smiled, his boyfriends many mannerisms never failing to remind him of something like a kitten. Standing up and going to the bathroom, Kevin thought of what the two might do over the next few days. Coming back into the main room, he grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge. A yawn echoed through the room and not even a second later, Edd's arms were wrapped around Kevin's chest. Jumping slightly, Kevin sighed against Edd's warm, small body. He giggled sleepily into Kevin's back. "Sorry."

Taking another sip from his bottle, Kevin hummed, "Didn't even hear you get up. Quiet like a kitten."

Edd pressed his face harder into Kevin's back, whispering, "M'not a kitten."

Kevin turned, instead hugging Edd's front. "Sure you're not." He smiled. "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"I don't think I'm up to going out tonight. I'm-" he yawned, "-still sleepy."

"How about take out then?"

Edd nodded.

"What do you want? Chinese, fish and chips, what do you think?"

Edd hummed. "I think I want Chinese food. But I want something sweet too. I don't know."

"You're sweet."

Edd giggled. "You're cheesy."

"Something wrong with that?"

Edd shook his head and mumbled 'no' into his chest.

After the Chinese food arrived, Kevin and Edd settled on the bed with a movie playing on the television. Kevin tried to use the chopsticks in the bag to eat but in the end, much to Eddward's amusement, kept dropping them and ended up using a fork instead. "You use them if you're so good at it then." Kevin challenged with a grin. Edd then proceeded to pick up the discarded chopsticks and eat a few mouthfuls of rice with them. He grinned his adorable tooth gapped grin and continued to eat. "Show off," Kevin chuckled in defeat, making Edd giggle.

Finishing their food, they showered – Kevin first, then Edd. When Edd came back into the room, Kevin was sitting on the bed flicking through the channels. Edd sat down next to Kevin and dried his hair, then moved to put on his beanie. Kevin held Edd's wrist. "You...don't have to put it on. I like your hair." Eddward blushed. "And...your scar is a little hot." Edd blushed stronger and buried his face in his hands. Kevin smiled fondly and pulled Edd so he was sitting next to him, their shoulders touching. After a few minutes, he yawned again. "You tired?"

"Mmhm," Edd hummed.

"Sleep. We want to go out tomorrow, yeah?"

Edd nodded and sunk down in the bed. Kevin turned off the television and the lamp, moving down in the bed, pulling the covers over himself and Edd. Edd was almost fast asleep when he felt Kevin move closer, wrapping an arm over his waist and pushing his face into the back of his neck. Slowly, the two fell asleep, thinking of what they would do in the next few days.


	29. Lips

Waking up, Kevin couldn't help but smile. Beside him laid Edd, curled into his side and clutching Kevin's pajama shirt with one of his hands as though if he was to lessen his grip be any degree, he might leave. Nudging his shoulder gently, Kevin woke him. The two ordered and ate breakfast and not soon after, got ready and left. By the time they started walking, it was mid morning, the sky flying above them with glorious blue and white. The day hadn't really been planned, instead the two decided to just improvise, and go where they felt they needed to.

Sometime along the way they found their way to a street that stretched along the beachfront. The sidewalk was littered with small shops, all selling different things. Some were small cafes and other things that sold food and drink, while others sold trinkets and other, ultimately useless objects. The walkway was busy, with people of all sorts walking, skating and jogging. There were also, along the beach side, a few people hosting small acts, like street magic and at least a single person playing a guitar for tips. The walkway was busy and loud but it was happy and full of enjoyment. At some point in their walk, Eddward reached for Kevin's hand and Kevin returned the gesture with a squeeze. Walking, Kevin noticed a vendor selling ice-cream. Recalling Eddward's liking of sweets, he smiled. "You want some ice-cream?"

Edd's eyes lit up as he smiled. "Yes please."

Walking to the vendor, Kevin ordered. "I'll have a double scoop of chocolate thanks." The vendor nodded in reply. "What do you want, babe?"

Edd looked at the sign of flavors for a moment before answering, "Two scoops of strawberry please." Edd smiled. "Oh, sprinkles as well please."

Kevin smiled. "That's definitely like you." He mumbled.

Edd turned to him. "Sorry?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking how I expected you to like strawberry ice cream...and sprinkles. Very like you."

"How so?"

Kevin leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Very sweet. Just like you." He planted a soft kiss on Edd's temple and looked back at the vendor who turned hand them their ice-cream. Kevin smiled and paid, much to Edd's protest. Receiving their ice-cream they started walking again, their pace slow and leisurely. Kevin's ice-cream started to drip on one side, so he was forced to awkwardly lick it. Edd giggled. "What?" Kevin asked.

Edd smiled. "Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Thinking what?"

"Nothing." Edd smiled.

"No," Kevin smirked, "you laughed about something. Now you have to tell me."

Edd closed his eyes for a moment, his face holding a blissful expression. "I was just thinking how nice this is."

Kevin hummed in agreement. "Yeah. It is nice."

After their ice-cream and another half hour of looking at some small shops, they made their way back along the street, to see what else they could find. As they walked, Edd was threading a sea turtle trinket he had bought onto his room keys. Kevin smiled fondly at his boyfriend's cute pout of frustration. "Need some help there?"

Edd shook his head but after another minute, he huffed and handed the keys to Kevin. "Please."

Threading the trinket, Kevin handed the keys back to Edd. "Here."

Edd smiled. "Thank you."

The sun began to dip low in the sky, casting a soothing sunset over the city. As Edd and Kevin walked, the light grew dimmer. Through most of the day, they'd found themselves staying close to the waterfront, both of them enjoying the soothing smell of salty sea water that floated through the air. As the sun began to dip so low in the setting sky, they found themselves seated on the sand on a more secluded part of the beach. The sand was cold and slightly damp beneath them, but was soothing to the touch. The sky above them was painted with wonderfully rosy reds and awe filling yellows. The two colors danced, like a beautiful tango of roses and sunflowers. It was stunning. Eddward watched as the theater in the sky showcased the wonderful performance. The dancing colors reflected in his eyes, swimming against the blue seas they held. It was beautiful. Edd watched on in awe and wonder.

Kevin watched too, but not the sky. Instead, he devoted his time in watching Eddward. He marveled at the way his eyes opened so wide, as though if he closed them by any amount, he may miss what was in front of him. The blue in them was as though a beautiful ocean would just spill out of them over his eyelashes. The dimmed light created a halo over his already pale skin, creating the illusion that his whole body was made of beautifully smooth porcelain. His hair, poking out from underneath the security of his beloved beanie, shone in the setting sun's light. The beautiful black locks were contrasted by the paleness of his skin, looking as though there was nothing that could be more opposite in colors. Kevin watched and marveled at Edd as he did the same to the setting sun. _He's beautiful,_ Kevin thought.

Eddward watched as the sun was nothing more than a dim light on the mesmerizing horizon. Everything felt so perfect. After the incident with Kevin's scar, they had grown closer. Although it was not the way they wanted that to happen, it happened non the less and they were both happy at the result. They both felt it now - the connection between them becoming stronger. It was only the first day of their trip, and things already felt wonderful. Everything felt happy. Everything felt perfect.

As the dancing colors finally disappeared with the sun behind the horizon, Edd turned back to Kevin, ready to exclaim his excitement over the mural painted sky. The words he held on his tongue however, were instantly dispelled as his ocean filled eyes met with Kevin's forest filled ones. A smile was played on his face, so gentle and loving that Edd could _feel_ the warmth emanating from him. His eyes, holding only the greenest of forests, smiled as equally as his lips. He was looking at Edd as though he was the only thing that existed. But in that _exact_ moment, to Kevin, he was.

Something in Edd's mind shifted, as they sat there, looking into each others eyes. A burning inside of him, fluttering and warm. His heart sped up in the seconds that passed. But why? He wasn't sure. The twisting warmth inside of him swum around, growing and increasing. It was almost overwhelming. Kevin's eyes stayed warm and soft yet focused and intense as they looked at nothing but him.

_"You worry too much. You won't stuff up, trust me. When it happens, just go with it. If it's meant to happened, you'll know what to do."_

Rave was right. He did worry too much. But that was just him. Sitting on the damp sand, next the reason that was making his heart _pound_ with such unrelenting conviction, was taking its toll on Eddward. The burning that was _flipping_ and _growing_ inside him was becoming far more than unbearable. It almost _hurt_. So, as Edd looked into the green eyes that he loved so much, he knew what he wanted. He was scared. Hell, he was terrified. But he knew what to do. He knew. Everything felt so _right_ at that moment. Everything felt so _perfect_. The damp sand beneath the palms of his hands, the dim light still emitted by the sun under the horizon, the green eyes, beautiful and loving, everything felt perfect. So, with everything feeling so wonderful, he decided. Heart picking up even more, to the point where that was all he could hear pulsing in his ears, he watched Kevin lean forward. Taking the last step, and dropping off into a place he never thought he's find himself in, he inched forward and closed his eyes.

Kevin watched and waited. He knew what he wanted. He'd known for a long time. But there was no way he would break the trust that Edd had for him and make a move when he wasn't ready. So he waited. But he knew, that the wait would be worth it. He saw the change in Edd's eyes, saw the quickening of his breath, and he knew he was ready. His eyes never left Edd's, monitoring everything that passed over them, ready to stop at any time. He looked so beautiful to Kevin, and he almost lost himself in his ocean eyes. The blush that dusted the bridge of his dainty nose, the long and thick eye lashes that were now a _fascination_ to Kevin - all of it - it was all so beautiful. Everything was perfect. So as the decision on how to act passed over Eddward's eyes, Kevin made the first move and leant forward.

The gap between the two closed slowly, almost painfully so. As the space did lesson, both Kevin and Edd held their breath. Edd's eyes fluttered closed, as did Kevin's not a moment later. As time slowed, their lips brushed together, soft and fast. Edd's stomach twisted and burned. Kevin's mind blanked of _everything_ other than Edd's lips. Pressing closer, their lips pressed together, and with that they shared it -

Eddward's very first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DONT BE MAD IF THIS ISNT GOOD!
> 
> I have never kissed anyone before. I don't know what it's like. Also I've never written something so full of tooth rotting fluff than this is. I hope this is okay. Please leave your opinion.


	30. A/N

Salutations. 

As some of you may recall, I have mental health problems. I've recently moved back to my hometown after graduating from high school. I thought it would be better and that I would finally be able to see a psychologist or something to work on my ptsd and other problems. 

But right now I'm a little unwell again. I haven't relapsed - maybe that's because I don't have anything to use at the moment - but its hard not to. 

I'm having some problems with a relative, who had always used me as her personal maid. And due to my problems, it was easy for me to let her  - and others - to do so. But its overbearing at the moment and it hasn't even been a week. I don't even live with her and she still does things. 

The problem its, to be blunt, is that she is sometimes violent and very emotionally manipulative and she scares me greatly. And right now my PTSD side effects are kicking onto overdrive and I'm scared of what she might do if I say no to her and stand up for myself. 

So I'm not.

And I might not for a while.

So I'm sorry for not being able to post for a few days.

This is something precious to me that makes me feel like I'm worth something, and right now it's hard for me to even do this. 

I've been trying to keep up since I got back but its not very easy. 

So I might be away for a few days till I can feel myself live again, because right now I feel dead.

I'm sorry, everyone. I love you all for reading my works and you never fail to make me feel like I'm worth the air I breathe, even if right now that's hard. 

I will speak to you soon.

(There are a few more chapters posted on my wattpad by the same name/author but the same goes for that too)


	31. Museums and Movies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations. I am back for now. Safe to say I'm not really any better, but I'm a little more stable right now. Thank you all very much for your patience with my absence. There is good news though, that I am being booked in with a mental health place as well as a new physiologist. My older sister is giving me strife with her anger still. I've only been moved back for 18 days and I've already had a few late night breakdowns. No relapses at the moment. Maybe because I don't have the things I use at the moment. Sorry. Just like to think I can talk to you guys. People irl don't care much. I know that

Edd breathed deep against Kevin's chest as the two of them laid asleep in the double bed of the hotel room. Everything felt perfect.

_As their lips parted, they both let out a breath, as though they'd held their previous ones for far too long. Kevin pressed his forehead to Edd's and chuckled. Everything felt complete. Edd looked up at Kevin, his heart still beating too fast for his own liking. Kevin looked back and smiled, placing a lingering kiss back upon his lips. Edd breathed deep again as Kevin pulled back, a smile playing on his gentle lips. "I've waited so long to kiss you, you know." He whispered._

_Eddward's blush deepened. "S-Sorry." He whispered back._

_"No," Kevin held Edd's face with both hands, making him look up at him. "I'm glad you made me wait. I didn't want this to happen till you were ready. But...I have to say-"_

_"What?" Edd asked, a little panicked._

_Kevin smiled, "I think that was the best kiss I've ever had."_

_Edd's eyes went wide as his face grew even redder still. Edd looked down and tugged at his beanie. "Y-You're a good kisser."_

_Kevin smiled and pulled Edd into a gentle hold, pushing the flustered boy's head into the crook of his neck._

_Everything was perfect._

Kevin handed Edd one of his jackets before they headed out the door. Edd hadn't anticipated the dirtying of his only jacket in the sand and so, he was forced to borrow one of Kevin's. He like it though. It smelt of him. It was a large on his small body though, the sleeves falling down past his hands. As soon as Kevin had taken it out of his bag, Edd had recognized it - the Letterman jackets from the Peach Creek football team. This particular one, being Kevin's, had the name 'Barr' across the back. The jacket made Edd feel happy, especially the fact that it held the last name of his boyfriend. It made him feel closer to Kevin.

The night air was cold against their skin as they stepped out into the night air. After returning home the night before, they spend most of the next day looking at an art museum that Edd was particularly interested in. Of course, while Eddward admired the artworks, Kevin admired Edd. To be honest, Kevin found himself looking at Edd's backside a considerable amount of times. Edd did however, obviously unknowingly, make it quite difficult to not, in the way that he still wore skinny jeans that were a little too skinny. Not that Kevin was complaining. So Eddward hopped along the painting covered halls and the sculpture filled rooms with so much glee, that Kevin could not help but feel constantly pleased. As the afternoon set in, they went back to their room and changed clothing, Kevin insisting that they did so. Edd, entirely curious as to why it was such big thing that they change into warmer clothes, did so in hopes to soon find out. As they climbed into the car, Kevin started the engine and drove off. When the car was stopped, Edd looked around. They were along the beachfront again, but in a different place. Instead of a boardwalk covered in shops and cafés, it was a grass covered park, empty of shops and full or people. Looking around more, he saw that at the far end of where they stood, was a large white screen, held between two poles. Edd frowned, trying to figure out what was going on. Then, he smiled and looked up at Kevin who scratches his chin. "I-uh...It's an outdoor movie cinema. Apparently they do this once a month here. I thought you might enjoy it."

Edd held on to Kevin's hand. "I like it."

After almost ten minutes, they found a place to sit. Settling in, the movie began. It wasn't a romance movie or horror, for which Edd was glad about, it was a comedy of some sort. Although Edd couldn't for the life of him recall the title, he enjoyed it. Or more to the point, he enjoyed the warm arms that were wrapped around him as he sat between Kevin's legs on the grass. In turn, Kevin enjoyed the feeling of having Edd's warm back against his chest. He would never not marvel at how well he fit into his larger frame.

As the movie finished, Eddward and Kevin lingered in the park, as did a few others. Soon they moved off, further away from the car and closer to the pier. The night air blew gently and bit at the back of Edd's skin. He shivered. Kevin smiled and pulled Edd closer, encasing him inside the warmth of his arms. After another silent moment, Kevin turned to Edd. Smiling, he pressed his lips against Edd's. Moving his hand from around him, Kevin lifted his hands to the hair that was hidden under his beanie. Edd jumped, the reaction still drilled into his mind after all the years. Kevin breathed a chuckle. "Sorry. I just like your hair. I don't get to see it much." Edd smiled shyly and allowed Kevin, his movements slow, to remove his beanie. Kevin's hand ran through the inky locks that spilled from under their confines. The hair was soft and the longest of the uneven strands fell to just above his collarbone. It was a little feminine in look, Kevin had to admit, but it fitted his boyfriend perfectly. The jagged skin that scared his head contrasted against the hair, but Kevin paid it no mind. The past was behind them. A few loose strands floated over his eyes, disrupting his view. Kevin breathed a smile and pushed the strands from Edd's eyes, gazing into the beautiful blue oceans.

They sat together for a little time longer before Edd began to yawn. Standing, they made their way back to the park and car with a leisurely pace. Soon they left, driving back to the motel in blissful silence.

Kevin laid in bed, waiting for Edd to finish in the shower before going to sleep. He smiled at the sound of Edd humming the notes of a song he didn't know. I could get use to this, Kevin thought. He liked the feeling of having Eddward so close to him. He thought of things that made him blush and smirk, but he also thought of things that just made him just plain smile. He thought of holding him in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. He thought of kissing his nose before leaving him for classes. He thought of laughing with him over anything and everything. He thought of doing everything with him.

Eddward opened the door of the bathroom and turned off the light. Moving quietly, he crept over to the side of the bed. Crawling under the covers, he breathed deep. Kevin moved from behind him. "Sorry, did I wake you?" Kevin hummed a no in response. Edd rolled to face Kevin. "Thank you for today."

Kevin hummed, "Don't thank me. Thank you for being here with me."

Edd smiled into the dark. Kevin moved again, closer to Edd. Sitting up slightly, he hovered over Edd's face and placed a kiss on his forehead, then his lips. He could never get sick of the taste and feel of them. They felt soft and plump under his own and somehow always seemed to taste sweet. He loved the feel of them as he kissed them. Edd hummed against the kiss. Kevin's lips were bigger than his, if only by a little bit. They were slightly soft as well. He loved the feel of them.

Laying back down on his side, Kevin pulled Edd to his chest, tucking his head under his chin. Running his hand through his black hair, he smiled. "I really do enjoy this," he whispered. Edd hummed sleepily. Soon enough, Edd's breathing slowed and Kevin knew he was asleep. Ceasing the running of his hands through his soft hair, he shuffled slightly and held Edd close. Soon enough, he too drifted off to sleep.

_Yeah. This is perfect._


	32. Pancakes and Problems

There were only two days left of their trip, both Eddward and Kevin deciding it would be good for them to return a few days before classes started back up. Edd and Kevin sat in a small corner café mid morning. Kevin ate a few fries as Edd chewed on another blueberry pancake. "You really like blueberry pancakes, huh."

Edd smiled and nodded. "I find blueberries are sweet. Like strawberries. Pancakes just make them better."

Kevin smiled. He loved the simple moments like this.

Finishing their food and drinks, they stepped back into the street. It had been raining slightly so they walked under the covers of the shop filled street. Pulling down the sleeves of Kevin's Letterman jacket, Edd smiled. The jacket really did make him feel nice. It made him feel like he was _his_. Kevin liked to see him wear it too. He liked the way it was too big for him, falling past his hands so he had to curl his small and slender fingers around them. It just looked plain cute.

Kevin and Edd walked shoulder to shoulder down the street. Despite the rain, there were still a good amount of people walking around the streets. Moving past a half empty pub, Kevin heard a football game playing on the television inside. Stopping for a moment, he watched the screen. Edd stopped next to him, wondering what was going on. Seeing the game on the screen, he smiled. "You want to go in and watch the game?"

Kevin turned back to look at him. "I don't um-"

"I don't mind."

"But it's a pub. I know you're not really-"

Edd smiled at Kevin's concern. "It's half empty and during the day. It'll be fine. Besides...can't avoid it forever."

Kevin hesitated. "You sure?"

Edd nodded and took his sleeve, pulling him inside. "Come on, you went to the places I wanted."

"Yeah but I enjoyed them too."

"And I'll enjoy this."

Kevin smiled and followed Eddward into the half empty bar. Walking to the counter he turned back to Edd. "What do you want to drink? I won't drink alcohol, kay?"

Edd smiled. "Just a cola please."

Kevin ordered their drinks and they moved to the end of the bar so they could still see the television. Most of the bar stools were empty, most of the customers sitting at the tables around the room. Kevin was thankful for that, not really knowing how Edd would go with drunk people sitting too close to him.

They watched the game for about twenty minutes till a voice called from behind. "Barr?" They both turned around, searching the source of the sound. A man, he looked bout their age, with curly brown, stood up from one of the booth tables and moved towards them. "Kevin?"

Kevin frowned. "Um...yeah?"

The man smiled and took another drink from his beer. He was obviously a little drunk. "Louis. From Preach Creek. Played on the football team for a while in our junior years. Left after a while though. Transferred."

Kevin kept frowning. He vaguely remembered him. He was a jerk at the best of time. But he was young at the time. They both were. Maybe he grew up. "Nice to see you again. I guess."

"So how you been?" he asked, taking a seat next to Kevin. He could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"I'm studying in college at the moment. Made the football team there too."

Louis nodded. "Cool, cool. I'm not studying. Waste of time for me I guess. I not really the smartest."

Kevin smiled. "How'd you know it was me anyway?"

"Uh...the jacket?" He pointed to Edd's back, who'd stayed quiet through the convocation. "Who's this kid anyway?"

"Eddward. His jacket got dirty."

Edd peered around Kevin's back, making eye contact with the man. "H-Hello."

"No frickin' way. Eddward the dork?"

Kevin nodded. "Um...Yeah?"

"When the fuck did you get so soft, Barr? Didn't you use to beat him up?"

Edd's face grew red. "He-uh...never really 'beat me up'. He just picked on me a little when we were kids. Nothing major."

Louis smirked. "Still a shy little dork, I see. Always to much of a wuss to speak for himself," he laughed.

Edd looked down. Kevin growled. "Shut up Louis."

"Wow, calm down mate. No need to get defensive. When did you guys become so chummy anyway?"

"Sophomore," Kevin mumbled.

"Really?" Louis raised a brow. "How come?"

Kevin looked at Edd. "Just some stuff happened," Edd answered.

"What kind of stuff?"

"Does it really matter?" Edd asked, becoming a little uncomfortable with the whole conversation.

Louis frowned. "Jesus, I just wanted to know. Don't get you panties in a twist," he grumbled.

"The fuck is your problem?" Kevin growled. "He just said he didn't want to talk about it."

The bar tender looked over from the other end of the bar but kept quiet.

"Why so defensive Barr? Can't the kid stick up for himself? Oh right, I remember. He couldn't could he?"

Edd lowered his head again, a sick feeling in his stomach. Kevin was really getting pissed off. "If you're gonna bitch about the past then piss off."

The bar tender looked over again, this time looking like he was about to say something.

"What the fuck you say? Why do you care anyway? He ain't your girlfriend."

Kevin growled. "How about you just piss off, Louis, before I decide to punch you."

Louis smirked. "Like you'd have it in you."

Kevin stood up from his stood, soon followed by Louis. Eddward jumped up too, pulling on the back of Kevin's shirt. "K-Kevin don't. It's fine."

"No, Edd, it's not."

"P-Please?" Kevin looked back down at Edd. His eyes were wider than normal and brimming with fear. His hands were wrapped tightly around the fabric of Kevin's shirt but he could still see them shaking.

Louis smirked. "Knew you wouldn't do it."

Kevin turned back around, ready to land a hit on his jaw. Eddward's shaking hand's stopped him though. They kept him tame – held his anger from exploding.

The bar tender moved over to the three of them. "You," he pointed to Louis, "should leave."

Louis scowled and downed the rest of his drink. "Fine. Done with this shit anyway."

He left and the bar tender sighed. "Sorry about him. We have trouble with him a lot."

Kevin didn't answer. Instead he turned back to Edd, who was still clutching him shirt. "Baby, he's gone."

Eddward nodded. "Y-Yeah."

"You okay?"

Edd nodded again.

"You want to go back?"

He met his eyes. "No. I'm okay. Let's finish watching the game first."

Kevin tried to smile. "Sure."

Edd sat back on his seat and turned to the bar tender. "Thank you."

He smiled. "Don't sweat it kid."

They watched the game in silence, Kevin occasionally looking back to him. He seemed to have calmed down a bit, but there was still an air of nervousness surrounding him, and the way that his fingers would curl and twitch every now and then only confirmed that.

After the game, they went back to the room. Eddward was tired. The confrontation took all the energy out of him. As they sat back in the room, Kevin dried Edd's hair from the rain. They sat in silence for while, till he felt the tension was overwhelming. "Edd?"

Edd turned around from in between Kevin's legs to look at him.

"You okay?"

He nodded.

"It's okay if you're not you know."

His small boyfriend faced back forward after another tiny nod. After another moment of silence, Kevin saw Eddward's shoulders shake slightly. He could see his hands holding his sides so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. A shaky breath fell from his lips, then a sniffle. Kevin turned Edd to look at him, pulling him sideways on his lap, but Eddward turned his face turned away. Gently, Kevin pulled his arms away from his sides and held them in his larger hands. After a moment, Edd looked up into Kevin's eyes. His blue oceans were leaking and running down his cheeks. Kevin's heart felt heavy. "Oh, sweetheart," he whispered and pulled Edd close to his chest. The sniffling boy's shaky hands went around Kevin's sides to his back and held onto his shirt again. He shook slightly as Kevin held him, hiccuping quietly. "It's okay," Kevin whispered as he ran his hand through Edd's still damp hair. "I got you, baby."

After a few minutes, Edd pulled away and once again avoided eye contact with Kevin. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't be crying when nothing happened."

"Something did happen though. And you're allowed to cry about it. He brought up stuff you didn't want to talk about but he kept pushing. It's not your fault."

Edd breathed another shaky breath. "I just-I feel so stupid. I get upset about every little-every little thing. I don't want to but I just-I just don't know _why_."

"Because sometimes your thoughts hurt. Especially when they're about that past."

"I don't want it too," he whispered.

"I know baby, I know," Kevin whispered back, placing his forehead against Eddward's. "One day it won't." He placed a kiss to his nose. "I promise." Edd sniffled and looked back up at Kevin. The ginger smiled and held Edd's face in his hands, thumb moving slowly and gently back and forth against his jaw. He moved his lips close to Eddward's, lightly touching them together. To his surprise, it was Eddward who pressed them together into a more solid kiss. Kevin hummed as Edd slowly moved his hands around his neck.  A few months ago and the black haired boy never would have dreamed that he could do something so intimate with someone. But with Kevin, it felt _right._ Even if it made him nervous - even if it made his insides burn and his fingertips feel like lightning - it felt right.

And it made everything a little more bearable.


	33. Bloody Sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a not very nice word in this chapter.

Eddward slept quietly in Kevin's arms, the previous day's problems no longer bothering him. Kevin laid awake in silence, allowing his loving boyfriend another hour of sleep. He knew he needed it. The man from yesterday still bothered him. He just hoped that the last day of their trip would end well so they could leave with happy memories. He tried to stay optimistic. For Edd's sake.

Kevin nudged Edd awake sometime mid morning. They ate breakfast and left. They decided to walk, knowing that their destination was not too far away. They liked the view anyway. By the time they stepped in the hot sand of the beach, it was midday. It wasn't that hot, so it was nice. They put down their things in a shady place and sat down. It was peaceful, just sitting down on the beach. There were a few people out and the sounds of their laughter and chatter was soothing. After a while, Kevin removed his shirt and hat, leaving him in just his swimmer shorts. "You wanna go in the water?" Edd nodded. He eyes the other people nervously though. Kevin placed his hand on Edd's beanie. "Don't worry about them. They won't stare, or laugh, or judge. Don't worry. I'm with you, remember?"

Eddward nodded and removed his beanie, then his shirt. Kevin smiled and put out his hand. Edd took it and followed Kevin to the water. Kevin entered the water first, till he was about waist deep. He turned back to find Edd stopped at the water's edge. Kevin raised a brow.

"It's cold."

Kevin smiled. "Only when you first get in."

Edd grumbled. He took another step into the water and quickly jumped back. Kevin laughed and walked back to Edd. Picking him up with easy, he held him princess style. "K-Kevin! This is embarrassing!"

Kevin laughed again. "You were taking too long."

"B-Because it's cold."

"You want me to put you back down?"

"Yes please."

So Kevin did so – right in the waist deep water. Edd yelped and stood back up, his hair stuck to his face with sea water. Kevin smiled. "I put you down, didn't I?"

Edd ran his hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. He grumbled. "You insufferable little-"

Kevin threw water at him, wetting his face again. "Oops. My hand slipped," he smirked.

Eddward grumbled again and jumped forward, colliding with his chest and pushing him over. "Oops. I lost my footing."

Kevin resurfaced and grinned at him. "When did you get so sassy?"

Edd shrugged.

They swam around for a while, moving out into deeper water. As soon as Edd couldn't touch the bottom, he clung on to Kevin. "Shorty." Kevin smiled, kissing his forehead.

"That's not my fault." Eddward frowned.

"I like it though. Makes you cuter." Kevin pressed his lips to Edd's. Breaking the kiss, Kevin's stomach grumbled. "M' hungry," he stated.

Edd giggled. "I heard."

They made their way back to the beach. Buying some hot chips, they sat back down. "This was fun." Edd smiled. "Thank you."

"It was fun because you were here with me." Kevin smiled, eating a chip.

"I feel...a little closer to you after this, I think." Edd looked down with a shy smile.

"Me too. I think this was good. Think you're ready for frat parties yet?"

"Only if you're there."

Kevin frowned. "Really? I was only joking."

"So was I." Edd smiled. "But...I don't think I'm that far off."

"Never without me though. I don't trust frat boys."

Edd giggled.

After they finished eating, they sat quietly. The silence was nice. The noise around them continued and they watched the waved roll in and out. The sky was preparing to set and the sky became painted with the murals that Edd loved so much. It was beautiful. Edd watched with a smile, before leaning to his side and resting his head on Kevin's shoulder.

"I like this," Edd whispered.

"Like what?" Kevin hummed.

"This. Just sitting here. With you."

"Me too." Kevin smiled, turning his head and pressing a kiss to Edd's temple.

It was quiet for another few minutes. The sounds of the people calmed down till there were only a few groups left. It was nice. The silence was soothing. Eddward focused on nothing else other than the warmth of Kevin next to him and the sound and smell of the ocean spread out before them. He closed his eyes and relished the last few moments of their trip. Everything, just as they had over the last few days, felt perfect. That was, until a voice and a series of choice words shattered his dreamy state.

"Looky what we have here. So this is why you got so defensive yesterday then. Hey, Barr? You a fag now?"

Edd's stomach lurched as he and Kevin turned to their right, making eye contact with the vile man from yesterday: Louis. He had a beer in his hands, as did the few that were with him.

Kevin and Edd stood up. Edd hid behind Kevin, shoulder. "The hell did you say?" Kevin spat.

One of them chuckled. "Pretty sure you heard him."

Kevin took a step forward. "They how about you say it again?"

Louis smirked. "Got to say, Kevin. When I left Peach Creek, I never thought you'd turn into a gay."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Louis ignored him. "I did, now that I think about it, expect the dork to be one. He was always so weak. Always a little bitch. Always so-"

"Shut the fuck up! You leave him out of this."

Another one of his friends spoke. "Why should we?"

Kevin growled. He could feel Edd shaking behind him. "What is your problem?"

Louis took a drink. "You disrespected me. You got me kicked out of the bar. You stood against me, for a _fag_."

" _Don't_ fucking call him that!"

"Isn't that what he is? Isn't that what you are?"

Edd swallowed. "W-We're not. T-That name is d-disrespectful."

"So the dork _can_ talk." Louis smirked.

"What do you want, Louis?" Kevin spat.

"I want payback. I'm not usually a petty person...but you got me kicked out of the bar. You embarrassed me."

"The place was half empty it-" Kevin began.

"Doesn't matter. You started this."

"Like hell I did."

"K-Kevin," Edd whispered from behind his back.

Kevin lowered his voice so only Edd could hear. "I know baby, don't worry. When I tell you, you run. Alright?"

"B-But what about-"

"Please. Go get help, whatever. Just run. Please? You trust me right?"

Edd swallowed. "Y-Yes."

"Okay."

Louis scowled. "If you've got something to say then say it out loud. Don't be a pussy, Barr."

Kevin smirked. "I was just saying that I doubt you'd really have it in you to fight me."

Louis smirked back. "Oh, God knows I do."

Kevin's breath quickened slightly. Taking a step towards Louis, he tested the waters. Louis took a step forward too, as did his two friends. "Edd," he whispered. He jumped forward and swung at Louis but missed. "Run!" He yelled as he took another swing. Louis swung in response, his fist connecting with Kevin's jaw.

Edd stood frozen for a second, not entirely anticipating Kevin to lunge forward like he did. He took a few steps back and turned, his feet lifting from the ground in a sprint. "Fuck." He heard from behind him. He didn't turn back though, he just took another step.

He hadn't even taken three steps when something collided with the back of his head, knocking him face down in the damp sand. He heard a muffled cry. Things went a little blurry. His head hurt. His eyes couldn't focus. He couldn't keep them open.

So he closed them, and everything went black.


	34. Red Stained Hands

Kevin took a seconds glance back to see Edd beginning to move back and away from them. He turned back to Louis and hit him in the face with a closed fist. Louis returned it with another hit to the jaw. Kevin saw out of the corner of his eye, one of the other men stepping forward in the direction of Edd. He ran out of Kevin's view before he even had a chance to respond. "Fuck." He swore without even thinking. The next thing he knew, there was a sickening thud playing through the air.

Then a cry.

Then silence.

Kevin no longer cared about Louis. Instead he pushed him down and turned around. His heart stopped. On the damp sand laid Edd, his body limp and not moving. Next to him was one of Louis' friends with his glass alcohol bottle in his hand. It had a crack in it. No thoughts crossing his mind, Kevin ran and pushed the man away from Edd. He didn't care about revenge or the stupid fight that he didn't even start. Not now. All he cared about was Eddward.

Everything else disappeared from the world except him. Moving his hands to roll Eddward back over onto his back, Kevin's mind was still blank. Eddward didn't move. He just laid limp and still. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted slightly. He looked so pale. Kevin blinked as he felt something on his hand that was holding his head. He pulled one hand back. It was sticky and wet and _red_. 

It was blood.

"Shit. Shit. Shit," Kevin swore as his mind started working again. "Shit."

"Look what you did, Barr," Louis' words rang out, still slightly slurred and toxic.

Kevin looked back. Louis stood there, his eyes full of drunken anger. There was something else there too. Regret? Kevin wasn't sure. The man with the glass bottle, his name still a mystery, looked quite pale himself. The other man didn't look much or anything. Just boredom. Kevin swallowed the lump in his throat. "What did you do?" he asked in anger.

"I d-didn't-I'm-s-so-" the man with the bottle stuttered, his eyes still wide.

"Don't fucking apologies!" Kevin yelled. "Either call an ambulance or fuck off before I kill you."

The pale man and the bored one both looked a little shocked. Louis just smirked. He took a few steps and stopped next to Kevin. Kevin stood up fast. "Try it then."

Kevin could smell the alcohol on his breath. He clenched his fist again and took a step towards Louis, swinging a punch as he did. Somehow, even in his obviously tipsy state, Louis moved fast. It was almost as though he expected Kevin to throw a hit at that exact moment. He probably did. Louis replied to the hit with one of his own, hitting Kevin's stomach. Kevin buckled, hitting the sand face first. Louis left him and stepped over him to Edd. "Don't fucking touch him," Kevin wheezed.

Louis didn't reply. Not with words anyway. Instead he stood on Edd's arm and put all his weight on it. If his head wasn't ringing, Kevin knew he would have heard a snap.

Kevin was about to stand back up when a foot planted itself in between his shoulder blades, pinning him to the ground. Louis' voice showed the smile Kevin couldn't see. It made him sick. "This is what happens when people mess with me. We're gonna leave, and you're gonna take your faggot ass out of here," he whispered.

Kevin didn't answer. He knew there was no point. Either he lay quietly or he try to do something and get either himself or Eddward hurt more.

The footsteps moved away and all Kevin could hear was the ocean rolling in and out on the shore. He had failed Edd. He sat up silently and moved fast, pulling Edd into his arms. He was still unconscious and his chest was heaving, his breathing labored.

Kevin held Eddward close as he pulled out his phone. He dialed a number and breathed deep.

_I'm so sorry, Edd. Please be okay._


	35. Don't Lie

"Kevin slow down. Please, you're freaking me out. What the hell happened?" Nathan's voice panicked through the phone clutched to Kevin's ear.

"Eddward's hurt," Kevin forced himself to speak slowly.

"What?"

Kevin breathed deep. "He's hurt. We're at the hospital. He got a broken arm and...I don't know the back of his head was bleeding and-" he breathed out the words, trying to keep his words even.

"W-Wait what?"

Kevin swallowed the lump in his throat and explained to an equally panicked and concerned Nathan what happened.

_"Baby hang on, yeah?" Kevin whispered, his voice wobbling. Eddward was still unconscious in Kevin's shaking arms. His words were more for himself than Edd. "I called the ambulance, yeah? You'll be fine. Please, sweetheart. You gotta be fine."_

Kevin hung up his phone and placed it on the small table next to him. Letting out yet another shaky breath, he ran a hand over his face. The room smelt of disinfectant and sterilization. The sound of chatter and phones ringing filled his ears. The waiting room was empty around him, the only people moving through were doctors and other staff. Any time someone walked near him, he would jerk in their direction, eager for news on Edd.

_The ambulance has arrived in around five minutes after Kevin called, their sirens blaring loudly. The officers' met Kevin on the side walk. He was still clutching Edd in in his shaking arms. They took him from Kevin and assessed him. There were some medical terms thrown around that he didn't understand. Everything was a blur. Everything was numb. Even as his arms were empty of Eddward, he could still feel the small body and the blood on the hands that was holding his head._

Another woman walked into the waiting room. At least an hour had passed since they took Eddward away from him, but to Kevin it felt far longer. "Vincent?" the woman asked. "You arrived with Mr. Vincent, correct?"

Kevin shot up from his seat. "Yes," he forced his voice to stay even. "Is he okay?"

The woman smiled softly. "He's out of emergency now and his state is stable. He's been transferred to a ward upstairs for now."

"Can I see him?" 

The woman hesitated. "Usually we don't let people see them so soon-"

"Please. I need to see him. He's my boyfriend," Kevin pleaded with frantic eyes and a whisper.

The woman smiled after a moment. "Okay then. Follow me."

"Thank you," Kevin breathed in relief as he followed the woman.

The halls were eerily quiet as the woman escorted Kevin upstairs. The white halls were empty and lonely. The woman stopped in front of a closed door labeled 'room 6'. "He's inside," she hesitated. "But he doesn't look the best but just remember his injuries are fine. Okay?"

Kevin nodded. "He's fine," he assured himself. The nurse smiled kindly.

The woman placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder before leaving. "When you're ready, honey. Call one of the nurses if you need anything. There will be a doctor in soon to talk to you."

"Thank you." Kevin smiled wearily to the woman as she turned and left.

Breathing deep, he reached for the handle and opened the door, mentally preparing himself for what he might see. His feet moved him forward as his mind went somewhat blank. The room he entered was quiet, like the hall, save only for the beeping of the machine beside the bed. In the middle of the bed, half under a thin white blanket, laid Eddward. Kevin moved slowly and quietly, as though his mere presence might scare him even in his unconscious state.

His skin was sickly pail, scarily close to that of the sheets he was laid on. Still, he was not quite as pail as back on the beach. His eyes were closed and peaceful, obviously pain free due to the medication flowing through his body through the needles in his thin arm. His left arm was splinted and wrapped in a white bandage from his hand to above his elbow. Kevin breathed a shaky breath as he examined his arm. Under the thin layer of bandages, he could see the blue and black marks that littered the pale skin. Kevin swallowed another lump in his throat as his eyes were drawn to the injury he knew was on his head. His black hair was once again covered mostly by a white bandage wrapped around his head. He couldn't help but imagine it. He could see it as it dripped down through his raven hair and down his neck. He could see it soaking his hands and his shirt as he held him close. He could see it as it drained out of the wound that he could have stopped. He could see it all.

Kevin sat in the chair next to the bed. His eye never left Eddward's body as he tried to remember every detail of him. Every curve in his face, every line – everything.

Kevin reached out and placed a hand over Eddward's. He held tight. Tears were still threatening to fall from his eyes as he watched him breath. He needed to remind himself that his heart was still beating inside his pale chest.

A knock on the door startled him and he turned his head, tearing his eyes away from Edd's unconscious form. A nurse stood by the door. Kevin wiped his eyes quickly as the woman smiled sadly. "There's a person here for you both."

Kevin turned back to Edd and nodded silently. He didn't know who it could be but he didn't trust his voice to not waver.

"I'll let him in," the woman whispered gently and left, her heeled shoes clicking in the ground as she went.

He heard another few steps but they soon stopped. They were close – right behind him – but he didn't want to turn around.

"Hey, Kev," the voice was gentle.

"H-Hey, Nat," Kevin whispered, cursing himself for allowing his voice to break. "What're you doing here?"

"Like I wasn't going to come. I left a while after you called." Nathan breathed deeply. "How is he?"

"The doctor hasn't come back yet."

"How're you?"

"I'm fine."

"Kev-"

"I'm fine, Nathan," he spoke a little louder and stood up. His voice still wavered.

Nathan's eyes moved down to Kevin's shirt. The grey material was stained with a dark red around his chest. "Jesus," he breathed.

"It's not mine."

Nathan swallowed. "I know."

Kevin sighed and turned away. "I'm fine, Nathan."

"Look at me and say that," Nathan's voice was stern. Kevin swallowed another lump in his throat and turned to Nathan, ready to repeat his statement. Nathan's face was soft. He looked Kevin in the eye. "Look at me and tell me you're fine," he dared. He knew Kevin wasn't. He knew him well enough to know that. Although at that moment in time, anyone could tell he wasn't okay.

Kevin opened his mouth, but no words came out. He felt so weak. He felt so useless. His vision blurred slightly as he stared at Nathan, trying to make his voice come out even. He swallowed, but the lump in his throat was painful. "I...I-I'm fi-"

"Don't bullshit me, Barr. I've been your friend for too damn long for you to lie to me like that. You don't have to say anything, but don't lie to me." They stared at each other for a moment, before Nathan look a step and wrapped his arms around Kevin's shoulders.

Kevin didn't say anything. Instead he lifted his own arms and returned the hug. A few tears dropped down his face as he let out a breathy laugh. "Some boyfriend I am."

"Don't," Nathan replied. They broke the hug and looked at each other.

"Thank you."

Nathan smiled.

Although Nathan and Kevin had only known each other for a few years, it was as he said; they had known each other for too long to lie. He wasn't okay. He felt weak. He felt useless. He felt like he had failed to protect something that was _so precious_ to him. Now here they were, Eddward in a hospital bed - _again_ \- battered and bruised. He had failed, and it hurt.


	36. Promise Me

"Mr. Barr?" questioned a man's voice.

Kevin and Nathan turned to the door where a middle aged man stood, brown hair combed back, square framed glasses perched on his wrinkled nose. "Yes?"

"You are the partner of Mr. Vincent?"

He nodded.

"Very well then. I'm doctor Sean." He walked further into the room, flipping through a few pages of the folder in his arms. "His left arm was only broken in one place. That was surprising given the...circumstances in which it occurred."

"What about his head?"

"His head was bad but it wasn't a large fracture. Only small. There's only four stitches – no staples. He was lucky. He did have a concussion but we won't know more about that until after he wakes up."

Kevin took a breath, absorbing the information. "When will he wake up?"

"I'm not sure. His body's weak from the concussion and blood loss so he need's time to recover." He closed the pages and looked between Nathan and Kevin. "I'll grant you two clearance for continual stay so there won't be any trouble. If you need anything, call for one of the nurses as well as if he wake up. There will be a nurse coming in every hour to do some observations as well. Anything else?"

Kevin shook his head. "No. Thank you."

He left and Nathan and Kevin sat in silence. Kevin sat next to Eddward on the bed while Nathan sat in the chair. Kevin stared at him. He needed to see that he was still breathing.

They sat there for a while as time ticked by, hoping that Edd would wake up. It was still early in the morning and neither Kevin nor Nathan had slept since they got to the hospital. They couldn't.

"You know, this reminds me a little of when we were still in high school," Kevin breathed out his words, his exhaustion becoming eminent.

"You mean when he was beat up?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. He was out for four days or something."

"Four?"

"Yeah." Kevin took a breath.

"Do you think he'll wake up soon?" Nathan mumbled.

"I don't know. I really hope so."

"Yeah. Me too."

Sometime along the way, still in the early hours of the morning, Nathan drifted off in the chair. Kevin stayed awake, sitting on the side of Edd's bed, his hand placed gently over his lower leg. He needed to _feel_ that he was still there – that he was okay.

Kevin was starting to drift off, still sitting beside Eddward, till a sound tore him from his trance. Edd looked better, his color had returned to his face for the most part. His expression however, saddened Kevin even more. It was twisted, just slightly, but enough to show that something wasn't right. A slight sound escaped his lips: a quiet whimper. Apparently it was still loud enough to wake up Nathan because he quickly sat up in his chair.

"What happened?" he asked, his words still laced with sleepiness.

"I don't know. I think he's having a bad dream or something," Kevin answered, moving from the foot of the bed to the space next to Edd's head. Another whimper left his mouth. Kevin placed his hand on the side of his face in an attempt to sooth him. After a few minutes, his face went back to normal and stayed silent. "Do you think he'll be okay when he wakes up?"

"The doctor said probably."

"I don't mean physically, Nat. I mean mentally. It's been a long time since anything has happened like this. And we both know that he can't deal with even the slightest confrontation. So after this...do you think he'll be okay?"

Nathan sighed. "I don't know, Kev. But if he's not, then we're here to help him."

"Yeah." 

A silence stretched between them. "You hungry?" Nathan asked, standing up.

"Not really."

"Well you should eat. I'm gonna go find the food court. I'll bring you back something."

"A coffee would be good though." Kevin smiled tiredly. "I could use the caffeine."

Nathan hummed. "Yeah. Me too. I'll be back."

Kevin nodded as Nathan left the room. A moment later he stuck his head back through the door. "Oh yeah, look in my bad for a shirt. Get one out of that one." He pointed to the small duffle bag in the corner.

"Yeah. Thanks. I don't want to leave to go get stuff from the room till Edd's awake. Just in case."

Nathan nodded. "I get it. Just change out of that one. S'not gonna do anything for your mood I'll tell you that. I'll be back with coffee and stuff."

He left the room again and Kevin looked back at Edd. "You're gonna be okay...aren't you?" he asked the room.

Kevin found a shirt in Nathan's back and slipped it on, removing his blood covered one. He stretched his arms and paced the room, his legs stiff from sitting for so long. He moved to the wall at the end of Edd's bed and leaned his back against it. He watched him breathe. "I'm sorry, D. This is my fault. If I'd done something sooner, if I'd handled things differently, you might have been okay." He stayed silent for a while, listening to the beeping of the machines. "You know last time we were in this situation, after Lucas..." Kevin took a breath. "After that, I hoped I'd never see you in a hospital bed like this again. I promised I'd catch you. I remember I did. I'll never forget that. I just didn't think I'd let you down like this. I didn't think...I'd ever break that promise." Kevin ran his hands over his face, wiping away some of the moisture that had clouded his eyes. "I don't deserve it...for breaking our promise...but can you promise me something? Can you promise me that you'll be okay?"

The room stayed silent after his words and Kevin let out a shaky breathe.

Nathan stood outside the door, listening to Kevin's words. He rested his head back, praying to _something,_ that Eddward would wake up soon. Not just for himself, but for the boy who sat next to him in a dark pit of guilt.


	37. Different

Kevin stood in the hospital room's shower, letting the water stray over his body. It was hard to see Eddward laying there, so still and quiet. He'd failed Edd, in him own mind. He'd failed to protect him – he broke their promise.

As he dried himself off, he looked in the mirror. He'd definitely changed since they were in high school. He'd never really been attached to anyone like he was with Edd. Not even Nazz, who was his best friend for so long, and briefly his girlfriend for a few months before high school . But with Edd, it was natural. He was naturally drawn to him – felt like he needed to be a part of his life. He felt like he needed to do everything to stay with him. And now, he had failed to protect the thing he wanted to keep the most. He was tired - so tired. But he didn't have time to be weak. Not now.

Nathan lent against the windowsill sipping a coffee. "I got you one too." He pointed to another cup on the table next to the bed. "Thought you might need it."

Kevin smiled tiredly. "Thanks. Not like I've been able to sleep."

"Yeah. Me neither."

It had been a day and a half since Edd had been admitted, and although his injuries had begun to heal nicely, he was still unconscious. Although the doctors didn't seem too worried, Kevin was.

On the end of the second day, when the sky was already dark and there were no stars, Eddward shuffled in his bed. Kevin and Nathan jumped up. Eddward whimpered slightly as he opened his eyes. He didn't say anything at first, he just tried to sit up. Kevin moved to help him but Edd flinched at his touch. Kevin tried to brush it off as a surprised reaction. He stared at him, smiling, taking in every line of his face. But as he stood there, he felt as though something was...off.

"Where am I?" Edd whispered the question with a sore voice.

"At the hospital," Nathan answered.

"Do you remember what happened?" Kevin asked.

Eddward nodded. He didn't meet their eyes. They seemed sunken, shadowed in the light.

"You hungry? Thirsty?" Kevin asked.

Eddward shook his head.

Nathan cleared his throat. "I'll go get the doctor." He stood up and left.

Kevin stared at Edd as he looked down at his hands. His face was blank. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-testKevin leaned in and wrapped his arms around him. He tensed in Kevin's grip. He didn't mention it. He just let go and stood back up.

"I'm glad you're awake. I was really worried."

"Sorry," he whispered.

Kevin frowned. "Don't be. It's not your fault."

Edd just nodded.

Kevin wasn't sure what, but something was off. He knew that much.

The doctor entered the room, Nathan trailing behind him. "Glad to see you're awake Mr. Vincent. Let me just do some observations. Just some basic things because you've been unconscious for the last few days." Edd nodded and the doctor moved to beside his bed. He checked Eddward's blood pressure and some other thing. "Do you hurt anywhere? Your arm or head?"

Edd shook his head.

The doctor nodded. "Okay then. I'll send a nurse in shortly to deal with your drip." With that he left.

"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you, both," Edd spoke quietly.

Nathan and Kevin frowned. "You didn't," they said in unison.

"I pulled you away from your holidays."

"This was more important," Nathan added.

"Yeah," Kevin said.

Edd didn't answer.

Kevin took a seat on the windowsill and they all stayed quiet once again.

A day passed. Tests were done and everything checked out. But something was still different. The silence was painful. Kevin and Nathan would glance at each other every now and then, exchanging the same though; what can they do to help Edd? He laid there, as silent as the other two, staring at the ceiling. A woman came in at one point to remove his drip. Another woman came in and placed a tray of food next to the bed. Edd didn't touch it. He didn't even look at it.

"How about you eat something, Edd?" Kevin suggested.

Edd stared at the ceiling. "I'm not really hungry."

"You haven't eaten anything solid for a few while."

"I'm just not hungry." Kevin looked at Nathan with worry in his eyes. "I need to shower," he whispered, standing up and moving to the room's bathroom.

Kevin and Nathan watched as he closed the door behind him.

Nathan looked back at Kevin. "Is it just me or..."

"Something's off." Kevin nodded. "But he's acting..."

"Acting what?"

Kevin sighed. "He's acting like he used to be. When we were younger. When he was sick. I mean...I guess he might just be like this for a few days. He'll probably get better. That's what the doctor said anyway. It just worries me a little."

Nathan moved over to lean against the windowsill next to Kevin. "He'll probably get better, yeah. But I get it's a little hard for you to see him like this. Just...stay strong yeah? You got us if it gets hard you know."

Kevin smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks."

Edd stood with shower turned on behind him. The steam collected in droplets on the bare skin of his back. He stared at himself in the half fogged mirror. He felt weak. He felt numb. He felt...empty. But being beat up wasn't a big deal for Edd, in his own mind.

"You should be...use to this," he spoke to himself.

He know he wouldn't get an answer, but the pale and bruised boy looking back at him seemed to whisper a response through his shadowed eyes.

_Because we're weak._


	38. Drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first wrote this story, about a year ago before my current editing, I was still unwell. These chapters were written when I became quite badly depressed again, when I went through a few months of almost constant relapse and breakdowns. Again, my problem was I had almost nobody to help me. No councilor, friends who I only felt like I was annoying, and a father who was hard to speak to. I had my mother but she was on the other side of Australia where she could only listen to me cry over the phone. I barely edited, this chapter, as I wanted to keep it as original as possible. I didn't write the poem for this, as it is actually a little older than this book. But I hope this is okay. So please be kind, as thins was basically a pure writing of how I was feeling at the time, if not a little tame.

_It's the tightness in your chest_  
when the thoughts won't let you breathe   
the lump in your throat   
that you swallow through grit teeth. 

_It's the numbness that takes over_  
in the middle of the night   
and the emptiness that disables   
your will to fight. 

_It's all the pain_  
and midday fears   
and the thousands and thousands   
of unshed tears. 

_It's the numbness in your brain_  
but you still manage to sting   
and the thoughts that make you think   
that you can't change a thing.   


_-t.o. **(@ to.inky on Instagram) - lil' bit of self promo, don't mind me.**_

Kevin and Edd drove back to the college. They were silent, the only sound being that of the radio quietly playing through the speakers. The doctor had discharged Eddward that morning, three days after he'd woken back up. They'd taken their things from the motel room and left. Nathan left before them, agreeing to meet them back at their room.

Something about Eddward still wasn't right. He was different. He was quiet. He was just not all there. He'd barely eaten any food, he'd barely slept, he just seemed _empty._ It pained Kevin a lot to see him like that, but he didn't push the conversation whenever it was raised. Eddward would always shut him out whenever he would try to ask him if he was okay. He said he was, but he knew Kevin didn't believe him. He knew that he knew he was lying. 

The evening sky grew dark as they drive in silence. Edd rested his head against the window and looked at the few stars that had appeared in the darkened sky. They were pretty and soothing, but Eddward still felt empty. He just felt weak.

Kevin could remember the times from when they were still in high school – when Eddward was still 'sick'. He could remember the times he wouldn't eat. He could remember the times he wouldn't sleep. He could remember _everything._ But what he remembered most wasn't what Eddward did or said in the past. No. Instead, above all else, he remembered the _empty look_ in his eyes. It was the dull, shadowed, lifelessness that seemed to be etched into his heart and soul. It was the terrifyingly scared look that filled his glassy eyes every time someone got to close. It was the pain that shone over them whenever he was alone.

But it wasn't what he could remember that scared him, it was the comparison that what he could remember held to that that was happening now. It scared him.

 _Idiot. Why are you feeling so depressed? So you got sent to the hospital again. So what? This has happened before hasn't it? So why are you being so pathetic about it?_ Edd lectured himself with the cold voices of his mind _. Why do you have to be such a burden of them all?_

Things had changed in his mind. Eddward knew it too. Of course he did – it was his mind that his changed. Kevin, and everyone else for that matter, seemed so far away. He seemed far away from himself as well – if that was even possible. Everything was cold and lonely, as though he was under a frozen lake and he was unable to break the surface. It felt like he was suffocating, drowning under the waved of emptiness that washed over him. The voices in his head sang as he drowned, their voices like sirens, persuading and believable. The words they spoke, capturing him in a web of self-hate and punishment with no escape. But then again, Eddward didn't really want to escape. Or more to the truth, he had given up resistance against the thoughts, and instead decided to allow them to darken him mind. He allowed them to blow at the flames of warmth that had been lit all those years ago – flames helped created by the person seated next to him. As the shadowed thoughts grows, the warmth shrunk. The light in his mind was disappearing once again. Eddward was under water and drowning. His body seemed almost on auto pilot, the words 'I'm fine' and 'I'm just tired' leaving his mouth as though second nature. All those years ago, they were. But now, they shouldn't be. They didn't need to be. So why were they? 

Eddward was suffocating and he didn't know how to call for help.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first wrote this story, about a year ago before my current editing, I was still unwell. These chapters were written when I became quite badly depressed again, when I went through a few months of almost constant relapse and breakdowns. Again, my problem was I had almost nobody to help me. No councilor, friends who I only felt like I was annoying, and a father who was hard to speak to. I had my mother but she was on the other side of Australia where she could only listen to me cry over the phone. I barely edited, this chapter, as I wanted to keep it as original as possible. I didn't write the poem for this, as it is actually a little older than this book. But I hope this is okay. So please be kind, as thins was basically a pure writing of how I was feeling at the time, if not a little tame.


	39. I Don't Know

The days went slow before the term restarted. Eddward slept alone in his room. Or more to the truth, he laid there with the curtains closed and lights off, staring into the dark as to keep away from both his memories and dreams.

Kevin watched on, not knowing what to do. I hurt him to see him in such a way. Sam, Nathan and Rave were equally as worried and lost. Eddward was still drowning and they couldn't pull him from the water.

_We're weak. We're weak. We're weak._

On the first night back on campus, Edd had fallen into the void of bad dreams. He was met with the cries of his mind, pulling and scratching at his thoughts. He'd woken in the middle of the night before he'd floated too far but the words had already dealt their damage.

_You're weak. You're weak. You're weak._

So he stared at the ceiling, willing himself to stay awake. But then again, the thoughts that danced in his conscious mind were just as dangerous as those that did in his unconsciousness.

_Why are you such a burden?_

It was almost half passed four when the room door opened, showing Kevin, Nathan and Sam. He looked back at the ceiling and closed his eyes.

"Eddward?"

He opened his eyes again and looked over to Kevin.

"You wanna...go somewhere with me?"

Edd didn't answer. He just sat up.

"Please?"

He stood up slowly. "Okay."

He put on his shoes and followed Kevin out of the room. "See you later, Edd." Sam smiled.

"Yeah. See you guys later," Nathan agreed.

Edd nodded, still looking down.

Kevin borrowed Nathan's car and drove Edd to the café they visited so often. Eddward didn't really look up. Instead he kept his eyes downcast and hesitant, like he was scared of the look Kevin might wear on his face. The ginger led him inside, hoping that a trip to the place he liked so much would make him happy.

"Edd?"

He finally looked up.

"Can you talk to me? Please?"

"About what?"

Kevin smiled gently. "About you."

"Why?"

"Because you're my boyfriend and I want to help."

"I don't need help," Edd mumbled. "Nothing's wrong with me." Edd looked back down.

"Baby can you look at me?"

Edd looked back up slowly.

"I want you to be happy."

"I am-"

"Please. Don't lie to me. You've been like this since what happened on our trip. And I get that. I get that you were upset and got scared and stuff. God, I," he ran his hand through his hair. "God, I was scared as hell too - of losing you. I didn't but...you're not talking to me or anyone else. You're quiet. You're distant. You're not _you._ I was _so_ scared of losing you, Eddward.  But since _it_ happened, you've been acting like you use to when we were in highschool." Eddward's eyes snapped up for a second. Kevin continued. "That's not the problem. I know these things don't just go away But I need you to _talk_ _to_ _me_ _._ I want us to work through this _together_ _._ Please baby. I feel like I'm losing you." Kevin stared at Eddward, his eyes feeling heavier than they had a moment ago.

Eddward stared back. "I don't-I-I'm sorry," he whispered, looking down again.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I don't-I don't know."

"What's going on in your head?" Kevin whispered quietly.

"I don't know."

"What can I do to help?"

"I don't know."

"Please, baby. I just want to-"

"I don't know!" Edd almost shouted and stood up, his chair skidding backwards a little. He looked at Kevin with wide and frantic eyes. "I don't know, Kevin. I don't know. Do you know how frustrating it is to know that something is wrong with me but not know what? Because that's what it's like. I _know_ something's wrong. I _know_ I'm not myself. But I don't know _why_."

Eddward stayed silent for a moment. Then his face changed. His expression contorted. His eyes scrunched up and his bottom lip trembled, releasing a shuddered breath.

"E-Edd," Kevin whispered. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He just _didn't know._

"I just...I d-don't know," Eddward whispered. He moved from behind the table and walked out, not ushering another word as he exited the café.

Kevin followed him, quick on his heels. He wanted to grab him. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to make everything better but he _didn't know how._ Edd walked past the car and kept going. Kevin jogged to catch up. "E-Edd where are you going?"

Eddward stopped for a second, still facing away from Kevin. "I j-just need a walk."

Kevin kept his pace.

"A-Alone, Kevin. Please."

Kevin stopped. "Will you be okay?"

Eddward didn't look back. "I'm not helpless, you know."

Kevin stopped following him and watched him walk down the pathway. "Be safe," he whispered into the wind.   
Eddward kept walking and walking and walking. He didn't know why. Maybe he was running? But what from? It was getting cold and he wished he'd brought a jacket. But the cold was nice. It stung and burned a little, but it let him know that he was still breathing.

The night played on and soon the streetlights lit up but Eddward kept walking. When he finally stopped, he was at a park. It was empty and cold, but he welcomed it all the same. There were no seats, so he rested his back against a thick tree trunk. Sliding down, he sat on the dirt and closed his eyes. He let out a shaky breath. His eyes clouded with tears as he rested his head against the tree.

He felt empty - drained. And alone.

 _Why did I leave? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ "Kevin, I'm sorry," he whispered with a shaky voice into the air around him. But there was nobody there to listen. "I'm so sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *casually edits this chapter after crying for an hour over stuff*
> 
> I'm so sick of being messed in the head sometimes.


	40. Tears And Rain

The moon was low in the sky, almost disappearing for the rising of the morning sun. The air was cold and slight rain fell from the sky. Edd had been out most of the night, sitting with his back against the tree. He was thinking and thinking and thinking. And somewhere along the way, he'd lost track of time.

_What do I do?_

Edd had spent most of his time since he'd first woken in the hospital up searching his thoughts. He searched and searched and searched but he could find no reason for his current mindset.

Eddward eye's clouded again as the built-up tears threatened to fall. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.

"You usually talk to yourself?"

Eddward snapped his neck to the side, looking for the source of the voice. I was dark, but he could still make out the outline of someone standing a few meters away. "N-No."

The voice stepped forward so Eddward could see him. It was Rave, holding an umbrella to shelter him from the light rain. "What are you doing, Eddward."

He looked down and wiped his eyes with his hand. "Nothing important."

"We both know that's a lie."

Eddward pulled his knees to his chest.

Rave sighed and sat down beside him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. It's way past midnight, Eddward."

"I'm sorry." Edd looked back up at Rave. "How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't," Rave began. "But Nathan called me and told me what happened. He and Kevin are really worried because you've been out for so long. So I came to find you."

"Why?" Edd mumbled.

"Because we were worried but I know you might not have wanted to see Kevin," he replied. "So what's wrong?"

Edd let out a shaky breath. "I don't know."

"Okay let's start small. Why did you get mad at Kevin earlier?"

Edd sniffled. "I didn't get mad at him. I got mad at myself...and took it out on him."

"Why were you mad at yourself?"

"Because I don't know what's wrong. I've been trying my _hardest_ to find out what's wrong but I just don't know. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to get mad but I can't figure out what's the matter with me and it makes me want to _explode_." He whispered.

Rave sighed again. "Maybe you should just stop trying to find out what's wrong."

Edd frowned. "But-"

"And let us help you feel better till you know what's wrong."

Edd stayed silent.

"And then...when you know what's wrong, we'll help you solve it."

Edd breathed deep and wiped his eyes. "I just...it's so _frustrating_ ," he whispered.

"I know it is." He rested a hand on his shoulder.

"I...What if I made Kevin mad when I yelled at him?"

"You could never make him mad over something like this."

"But what if I stuffed everything up when I did?"

"Eddward there is no way you could stuff anything up."

"But-"

"No way." Rave smiled, placing his hand on Edd's head to make him look at him. They sat in silence for a while, till Rave stood up and brushed the dirt off his pants. "Come on. Let's go back. It's cold and wet." Rave extended his hand down to Edd. Eddward nodded and took his hand, allowing him to help him stand. He shivered. Rave smiled and took off his jumper and handed it to Edd. "Here. Wear this. I'm not that cold anyway."

"Thank you for coming to find me," Edd mumbled and pulled the jumper over his head. The sleeves were too long and fell past his hands. He wiped his eyes with them, cleaning away the last of his unshed tears. Rave smiled and held out the umbrella to shelter the two of them.

~oOo~

Kevin sat on his bed staring at his phone, watching the hours tick by. Nathan looked at his from his bed and smiled. "He'll be fine, Kevin."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I sent Rave to look for him didn't I?"

"Yeah you did but why aren't I looking for him?"

Nathan sighed. "Because he needs to come back to you himself and Rave would be even ground for that."

"Do you think he'll come back soon?"

Nathan tossed a pillow into Kevin's face. "Or course he will you idiot. He just needs to make the choice himself."

They sat silent for a minute. "So how's things going with Rave?"

Nathan scratched his nose and looked away. "Uh...I asked him on a date."

Kevin smiled. "What did he say?"

"He hasn't answered."

Kevin frowned.

"But he didn't jump to say no either like he usually does."

Kevin grinned. "You think he's warming up to you?"

"God I hope so."

There was a knock on the door. Nathan stood up and walked to answer it. Kevin sat up too, waiting to see who it was. Nathan opened the door to see a damp haired Rave holding an umbrella. He didn't say anything, he just looked to his side. Nathan followed his gaze, his eyes falling on an even damper Eddward. His head was down and he didn't say anything. Nathan put his hand on his head. "Glad you're back, buddy," he said in a hush voice. "Go on in, yeah? We'll wait out here."

Edd nodded and walked past Nathan into the room. Nathan met Rave outside the door and closed it. Kevin stood up from his bed and walked over to Edd but kept his distance. He didn't want to push Edd anymore than he already felt he had. "I'm glad you're back."

Edd nodded. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Why are you sorry?" Kevin frowned.

He let out a shaky breath. "I...I yelled at you."

"Edd you didn-"

"And I ran off and-"

"Edd, baby."

Eddward flinched and looked up to Kevin, his eyes watery. "A-And I...And I c-couldn't tell you w-what was-"

"You didn't do anything wrong. You said you didn't know but I still pushed it. It's just frustrating for me when I can't help my own boyfriend get through things. But I pushed it too far. It's not your fault." Eddward's eyes clouded even more and a few tears began to fall. Kevin stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Edd, pulling him into his chest. "Sweetheart, don't cry," Kevin whispered. "I'm sorry."

Edd hiccuped and pressed his face further into Kevin's chest. He wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck. Edd shivered, still cold from the night air and rain. Kevin picked him up under his thighs and he wrapped his legs around his waist. He took him into the bathroom and sat him on the counter. Eddward let go of Kevin and wiped at his eyes, watching as his boyfriend turned around and turned on the shower. "W-What are you doing?" Eddward hiccuped out.

"You need to take a warm shower. You're cold from the rain." Kevin moved to the door. "I'll just get you some clothes." Eddward nodded and removed Rave's jumper and his shirt. Kevin returned with a shirt and sweatpants. "Here."

Edd nodded. "T-Thank you."

Kevin smiled and placed a kiss on Edd's head, hugging him again. "It's fine. I'm glad you came back."

Edd nodded again. "Me too."

Edd climbed into the shower and let the warm water wash away the tears tracking down his cheeks. Slowly, he ran one of his hands over the scars on his arms. Little lines of white, scarred and permanent against his skin. But this time, when he'd felt so sad and down, he'd resisted the urge to mark his skin again. Because he wasn't alone anymore, and now there was someone for him to talk to and cry against. If only he'd remembered that before running away.

Kevin walked to the door, about to open it, when he heard Nathan and Rave talking. Smiling, he stayed out of sight and listened.

"You still haven't answered my question," Nathan stated.

"What question?"

"Will you go on a date with me?"

There was silence between them.

"Please?"

Still no answer from Rave.

"Am I that unlikable?"

"I never said that."

"You've never not said that."

"In case you can't tell, Nathan, I'm not exactly...use to things like this."

"Can't I get you use to this?"

"I don't-"

"All I'm asking for is one date. If things don't go well...if you hate me that much, I'll leave you alone."

Rave didn't reply for a moment.

"Please? I know I flirt a lot and talk a lot of shit sometimes but I'm not use to actually really liking someone like I like you and-"

"Fine," Rave mumbled.

"Huh?"

"I'll go on a date with you."

"Really?"

"Yes."

There was another silence, so Kevin opened the door. Nathan and Rave, who looked slightly red, both looked at him. "Am I interrupting something?" He smirked.

"No," said Rave.

"Yes," mumbled Nathan. Rave elbowed him. He cleared his throat. "How's Edd?"

"He's in the shower. He was shivering and his clothes were too wet to sleep in."

Nathan nodded. "Think he'll stay here?"

"Probably."

"I'll let Sam know on my way back," Rave added.

"Thanks. And thank you for getting him." Kevin smiled.

Rave nodded. "If you'd gone and got him, it may have made things worse. Especially after he told you he wanted to be alone."

Kevin frowned. "I thought I only told-"

"You did," Nathan said. "Then I told Rave."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Course you did."

Rave smiled. "I'd better go then. I have to work in the afternoon anyway and I'm seriously tired."

Nathan yawned. "Mm I'm tired too. Night Rave. I'll...text you."

Rave looked away and nodded. "Y-Yeah. Good night. Uh...tell Edd I'll get my jumper another time. Bye." Rave walked down the hall and out of view.

Kevin grinned at Nathan, who sighed, "You were listening weren't you?"

"Duh."

Nathan ginned back. "I have a date."

Kevin nodded. "I heard. Good luck."

"You gonna go check on Edd?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll go get a drink or something. Let you get him settled and stuff. I'll be back in ten or so."

"Thanks."

Nathan nodded and walked down the hall and out of sight. Kevin walked back into the room. He couldn't hear the shower anymore but he couldn't see Edd. He moved to the bathroom door and knocked. "Baby? You okay?"

The door opened and said boy emerged. His hair was wet and fell over his eyes, and he wasn't wearing his beanie. Kevin's shirt fell off his shoulder and the bottom of his pants gathered at his feet. "Yes, sorry."

"Don't be." Kevin smiled. "C'mon come sit down." He took the towel from him and led him over to the bed and sat down with Eddward between his legs. Kevin dried his hair in silence. When he was done, he removed the towel and wrapped his hands around Edd's middle. "Feel a little better?"

"I'm sorry I can't tell you what's wrong," was all he said.

"No. No more apologizing from you." Kevin turned Edd sideways in his lap and looked at him. "You didn't do anything wrong. Okay?"

Edd looked down and nodded. "Okay."

Kevin held Eddward's face in his hands, making him look at him. He pressed his forehead against Edd's and closed his eye. "Thank you for coming back," he whispered against his skin. Edd smiled sleepily and closed his eyes, relishing in the warmth and comfort of Kevin's hands on his face. "Tired?"

Eddward hummed.

"Sleep." Kevin kissed Edd on the forehead, then pulled him closer so his face was pressed against his collarbone. He hummed and nuzzled close. Not even a minute later, his breathing was slow and steady, signaling his unconsciousness. Kevin stood up and move him onto the bed, pulling the blanket over him. He sat on the bed next to Eddward and gently brushed the locks of inky black hair from his eyes. Edd sniffled again and held the edge of the blanket with his hand. Kevin yawned and pulled the blanket up, crawling in next to Edd, laying on his side. As if by unconscious instinct, Eddward rolled into Kevin's chest and pressed his face against the space just under his chin. Kevin's arm instinctively fell over Eddward's waist to run his hand up and down his hip. He planted a gently kiss to his forehead.  "Sleep, baby. We'll work this out. Together."


	41. No More

Eddward opened his eyes to the sound of buzzing. He tried to sit up but was held by something. Kevin's warm arm was draped over his waist, pulling him into his chest. He grew, recalling the mess he's caused the night just passed. He tried again to squirm out of the grip that encased him, but to no avail. Instead, he woke Kevin. The ginger opened his eyes and smiled into the back of Edd's neck, taking in the sweet smell he always seemed to have. "Morning," he mumbled huskily. Eddward like it when he sounded like that. It stirred something inside him and made his fingers tingle. But this morning's greeting didn't affect him the same. Not after last night.

"I'm sorry about last night," Eddward said quietly.

Kevin pulled his closer to his chest. "What, no good morning?" Kevin teased, then he turned serious. "And no more apologizing. I'm pretty sure I said that last night. None of this was your fault."

Edd fiddled with his hands. "I know what you said but-"

"Eddward, stop. Please. No more blaming yourself. No more." Eddward didn't answer. After a moment, Kevin felt him shake slightly under his arm. Ever so gently, he turned Edd to face him. Edd's eyes were scrunched closed and damp. He sniffled and pulled his hands to his eyes and covered his face. "Baby, why are you crying?" Kevin cooed, pulling Eddward's hands away from his face and into his own.

"I-I don't know," he looked up at Kevin with wide eyes, seemingly shocked at the moisture leaking from his ocean eyes.

Kevin pulled him close to his chest again, this time pressing his head under chin so his face was buried in his neck. "It's okay. Cry if you need to. You don't have to give me a reason."

"I j-just keep getting upset s-so easily," he whimpered into Kevin's neck.

Kevin ran his hand through Edd's hair over and over in an attempt to help sooth his boyfriend. "You've been through a lot in the last week. It's okay."

"I don't w-want to cr-ry."

"I know, baby. But you don't have to cry alone." Kevin kissed the top of Eddward's head.

He nodded weakly through his tears. Not soon after, he fell back to sleep. Kevin held him close to his chest and sighed.

The door slowly opened after about twenty minutes and Nathan entered the room, holding a tray of coffee. "Morning," he smiled. Wasn't sure you'd be awake. I texted you but you didn't answer."

Kevin frowned and sat up slowly, gently setting Eddward from his arms onto the bed. Reaching for his phone, he tapped the screen. Indeed there was a message from Nathan. "Shit. Sorry I was a little preoccupied."

Nathan frowned. "What happened?"

Kevin sighed. "He woke up and said sorry again. Then he was crying and fell back to sleep."

"Damn. I thought he was a better last night."

Kevin nodded. "Me too. Well...I hoped."

Nathan held out the tray of coffee. "I bought us some Starbucks. I got you a cappuccino. No cream and two sugars. I got Eddward a hot chocolate with lots of cream but...yeah."

"Thanks." Kevin smiled and took his cup. "It's almost midday though. I can't let him sleep for too long."

Nathan nodded. Kevin took a sip and put the cup back down. He wiped his face with his hands and sighed again. Nathan smiled. "Dude, go shower. I'll watch Edd."

Kevin nodded. "Thanks." He yawned and moved into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Nathan took a seat on his bed and sipped his own coffee. He sighed deeply and put his cup on the table next to him. Eddward stirred from the other side of the room. Nathan watched as he slowly sat up and wiped his still red eyes with his hands. He looked around the bed and sniffled. "W-Where did Kevin go?". Nathan opened his mouth to answer but Edd cut in. "Did I annoy him?" Edd bit his lip.

Nathan stood up quickly and moved to sit next to Edd. "Course not. He's just in the shower." Edd nodded and looked at his hands.

"I cried again."

Nathan sighed. "You're allowed to cry." Eddward nodded but didn't look up. "Are you feeling any better than yesterday?"

"A little bit," Eddward mumbled. "But..."

"But what?"

"I still don't know what's wrong or...why I'm like this."

"Maybe there isn't a reason."

Edd looked up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...maybe it's just everything from the last week of whatever. Maybe it's just a whole lot of small things feeling like one big thing." Edd didn't answer. Nathan smiled. "I heard you and Kevin kissed."

Edd blushed profusely but nodded slowly. "We did."

"I also hear you made out a little."

Edd blushed harder. "Not really."

Nathan shook his hand. "Okay he didn't say that but I just wanted to see what you did. Did you have fun on your trip? Before...you know."

Edd nodded. "We went to the beach and watched the sunset and...it was wonderful." He smiled.

"Talking about it seems to have made you happier." Edd nodded again. "I know what Rave spoke to you about." Edd looked up, confused. "And I agree with him. You need to stop trying to figure out everything that is wrong. Stop trying to figure out everything that's making you so...upset. If you stop focusing on it then maybe the answers will just come to mind."

"I can't just not think about it. Every time I close my eyes I think. I don't dream anymore Nathan. I only remember."

Nathan sighed and rubbed Eddward's shoulder. "I can't help your dreams and night time thoughts, but...if you try not to think about things when you're awake, it might be easier for you to manage."

"I've tried not thinking but-"

"We can help, you know." Edd and Nathan looked up to see Kevin standing in the doorway with a towel over his head, drying his damp ginger hair. "I've said it before and I'll say it again." Kevin moved till he was standing in front of Eddward. Removing his towel from his head, he knelt down. "We'll work this out, together. I know I can't just love away your problems, but I can damn sure help."

Edd smiled and lent forward, wrapping his arms wound Kevin's neck. He hummed as Kevin ran his hand through his hair. "Thank you."

Nathan pouted. "What about me?"

Edd let go of Kevin. He giggled slightly. "Thank you too, Nathan," he said as he wrapped his arms around Nathan gently.

Nathan let go of Edd and smiled. "Oh yeah, almost forgot." He reached over and grabbed the last drink, meant for Edd. "I got you a hot chocolate. With lots of cream and sugar." He handed the cup to Edd. "Should still be hot."

Edd smiled and took the cup. "Thank you, Nathan." Kevin and Nathan watched as Edd took a sip of the drink and smiled. "It's sweet."


	42. Chance (bonus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a Nave chapter I wrote on the side.

Nathan had scored a big chance and he'd do whatever it took to make things run smoothly.

"So-uh...where are we going?" Rave asked nervously. It was odd. He'd never felt so nervous around anyone like he did with Nathan. The boy gave his butterflies and made his insides warm.

"I just thought maybe a cafe or something." Nathan hesitated, hoping Rave was okay with that.

"Sure." Rave nodded from his place in the passengers seat of Nathan's car.

Nathan pulled up to a park. Well, from Rave's perspective, that's all it was. "I thought you said we were-"

"We are just...trust me?" Nathan asked.

Rave hesitated. He wanted to trust him. Oh how he wanted to - more than anything. But his lack of experience and nervousness played for one hell of a fight. "I-uh-"

"Please."

Rave looked down and nodded.

Nathan hoped out of the car and ran around to Rave's door, opening it before the boy even had a chance. Rave smiled at his feet and hopped out. Nathan held out his hand. "This way." He smiled.

Hesitantly, Rave took his hand. It was larger than his, more callused from years of sport and physical activity, but it was warm. And for some reason, the reassuring squeeze it gave his own, made his insides burn more than before.

Nathan led Rave from the car and down the small footpath. He was nervous. Hell, he was so nervous, but the smaller hand in his own reassured him that things might just turn out okay. The path turned around a corner and Rave could hear the sound of people. Passing the thick trees, he saw it:

The area was small, mostly hidden by trees, filled a few dozen tables. Each table was decorated with candles and flowers, and the trees around them filled with small light, decorating them like fireflies in the night. Rave stopped breathing for a moment. Nathan hesitated, hoping that the surprise of Rave's face was a good one. "Is this-uh...okay?"

Rave looked back at him, tearing his eyes away from the beautiful sight. In the light, he could see every curve of Nathan's face - every detail and mark. But the thing he could see the most, was his golden eyes. They were beautiful. "It's beautiful."

Nathan sagged in relief. "This way," he said, pulling his hand gently to a table.

They sat down and looked at each other. There were only a few people dining at the tables around them, but that made it more special. It made it feel more like it was just the two of them. The two ordered their food when a waiter appeared and then it was just the two of them again.

"So you like it?" Nathan asked, his tone still unsure.

Rave nodded. "It's wonderful."

"Thank you for coming with me."

Rave nodded and looked away, blushing again.

"Why do you um...why did you not want to go on a date with me?" Rave looked back at him. Nat faltered. "Sorry. I mean I was really annoying and stuff and you kept saying no and stuff but-"

"Nathan," Rave called. It was more than odd for him to see Nathan so nervous and flustered.

"Uh...sorry," he apologized, running had hand against the back of his neck and looking away.

"I'm not use to the whole dating thing." Rave averted his eyes as well.

"But why are y-" Nathan began, interrupted by the waiter returning with their food. He smiled and looked down at his hands.

During their meal they'd made small chit chat. It was awkward between them. After, they walked back to the car, but instead of getting in, they walked further into the nearby park and took a seat on a bench.

"You were asking me something before. Earlier I mean. What was it?" Rave asked.

"I was wondering...um...why weren't you use to uh...dating?"

Rave sighed. "I'm not exactly...social. But you know that."

"Do I?"

Rave looked back at Nathan. After a moments eye contact, he looked away again. "I'm...scared," he mumbled.

"What?" Nathan asked, unsure of what he'd heard.

Rave blushed. "I'm-uh...I'm s-scared."

Nathan moved closer, touching their shoulders together. "Of what?"

"I've been screwed over before, Nathan." Rave looked away.

Nathan frowned at him. "W-What?"

"I've been messed around with before. In a relationship. They hurt me and left."

Nathan hesitated. "Do you think I'd do the same?" he asked, scared as to what the answer might be.

"No-maybe? I don't-" Rave rushed, tripping over his words. "I don't...I don't know."

Nathan reached to Rave's face, turning it in his hands. "I would never, _ever_ hurt you. And neither will anyone else. Not if I can help it."

Rave stared at Nathan's golden eyes. "I just...I don't-I don't-"

"Never," Nathan reassured. He let go of Rave and looked down at his hands. "I know I'm loud and I flirt a lot and...get annoying but I-uh...I'd never...I'd never hurt you."

Rave stayed quiet.

"Okay yeah...when I first saw you, I might have just thought I'd flirt with you a little and that'd be it. But...I don't know. I've never been in a serious relationship before either. I've had one night stands and other things and-and I'm not really proud of that all the time but...you're different."

"Because I didn't say yes?" Rave asked.

"That intrigued me, I'll admit, but no. I don't know but...I may not look it sometimes, but I get nervous around you. I really do and I don't really know why."

Rave still didn't say anything.

Nathan turned to look at him. He was so worried that Rave didn't like what he's heard or that he thought he was odd or weird but instead, when he looked back at him, he saw a deep blush.

"I-uh..."

Nathan reached over and put his hand on top of Rave's. Rave flinched, but didn't move it. "How do you...feel about me?"

Rave looked up at Nathan, eyes wide and blush deeper. "I-uh-I think I-uh-"

Nathan smiled. "Calm down."

Rave looked back down at his feet. After a minute, he spoke. "I remember when we first met, and you just kept flirting with me. I remember I told you to get lost but you didn't." Nathan smiled at himself. As did Rave. "I kept telling myself you were just annoying and stupid. I tried ignoring you but even then you didn't leave. I think...somewhere along the way it changed. I don't know but I-uh...along the way, I stopped hating you and instead...I have to stop myself from blushing around you and stuff and...I don't know. I guess...after my last experience, I-uh...was so scared that something might go wrong if I even tried to make it work. So I tried to tell myself I didn't like you, and that eventually you'd just go away."

It was silent for a moment, Nathan letting the words sink in. "But I didn't go away."

Rave smiled and shook his head. "No you didn't. So when you asked me last time, if I wanted to go on a date, I just...I gave in."

Nathan didn't know what to say. Instead, he squeezed Rave's hand and let go, instead taking a hold of Rave's face once again. Turning it to him, he took in his expression. His face was flushed and his fringe fell over his eyes. Moving gently, Nathan brushed the hair away from his eyes.

Rave tried to turn away, his eyes glassy. "Don't look at me. I probably look stupid," he mumbled.

"No, you look beautiful," Nathan answered, making Rave look back at him silently. They were silent for a moment, both staring at the other.

Ever so gently, Nathan leaned forward. Rave's stomach tightened, his hands clenching tight. In a second, Nathan's lips were pressed to Rave's. Rave's stomach burned, his fingertips feeling like lightening. Nathan's insides flipped at his actions. He deepened the kiss. Rave kissed back, his eyes closed. He moved his hands from clenching on his lap to meet Nathan's against his face. They were warm under his - comforting and reassuring.

After what seemed like a perfect forever, they parted. Nathan stared at Rave, the latter staring back. Both were red, Rave more than Nathan, but both their hearts were beating fast inside their chests.

Rave looked away first. "You...really like me?"

Nathan, once again, turned Rave's face to his. "I really really do." Rave stared at him, not knowing what to say. Well, more to the truth, he knew. He just didn't know how to say it.

Thankfully, Nathan said it for him. "Rave?"

Rave nodded.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Looking down, Rave nodded again.

Nathan smiled and pulled him to his chest, hugging him tightly. After the initial shock had passed, he hugged back, holding onto the fabric of Nathan's jacket like he might drift away if he ever let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters to go


	43. Naps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go *sigh* (Then a note after that if you want to read it)

A few days later, classes started again. Kevin, Nathan, Rave and Eddward sat in the quiet cafe, the place half empty before the midday rush. Kevin sat with his arm wrapped around Edd's shoulders. "You look better," he said with a smile.

Edd nodded. "I'm still tired though."

Kevin rubbed circles in his side. "Course you are. Classes are back."

Eddward looked over at Rave. "Thank you again for coming to find me the other day."

Rave smiled. "It's alright."

"Besides. Something else good did come out of what happened." Nathan smiled. Silently, he tucked his hand under the table, tangling it into Rave's.

Rave blushed and looked away. Edd smiled.

He looked back up at Kevin again. "Thank you."

Kevin kissed Edd's head. "My pleasure, baby."

"So what are you going to do?" Rave asked.

"About what?" Kevin asked in return.

"This," Rave said, tapping his own head with the fingers on his free hand.

Edd smiled. "I don't know. But I know I can't do it alone."

"So you're done trying to solve everything yourself?" Nathan smiled.

Edd nodded.

"Good." Kevin squeezed Edd's shoulder.

Eddward yawned.

"How bout we head back." Kevin suggested, smiling at his boyfriends tiredness.

"Uh...you two go ahead. We'll catch up later."

Kevin raised a brow at Nathan. "Okay."

Nathan shrugged and smiled.

"See you later then." Edd yawned again.

After the two left, Nathan tuned to Rave. "Something wrong?"

Rave shook his head. "I just thought they might want some time alone." Nat raised his brow. "And I uh...wanted to just be with you for a while," Rave mumbled, turning his head away from Nathan to hid his blush.

Nathan smiled and turned Rave to face him. "God I'm so glad you said yes," he whispered.

Rave blushed harder. "M-Me too." He looked down again.

~oOo~

Arriving back on campus, Edd and Kevin made their way to the dormitories.

"Your room or mine?" Kevin asked, smiling at a yawning Edd.

"Y-Yours?" he stuttered out, the question stifled my his yawn.

Kevin hummed in content and led Edd back to their chosen destination. He opened his door, leading him inside. "You gonna sleep?" he asked.

Edd hesitated. "Will you sleep with me?"

Smiling, Kevin kissed the top of Edd's head. "You don't have to ask."

Pulling Edd into his arms, Kevin fell onto the bed, making Eddward giggle. Facing each other, Kevin stared into his ocean eyes. Moving slow, he pressed his lips to Eddward's. The sleepy boy pressed his lips back against Kevin's, closing his eyes gently. Lips parting, Kevin tucked Edd's head under his chin and tugged off his beanie. Eddward hummed quietly as Kevin ran his hands through his hair and over his scar. Because Eddward was beautiful and strong, and the mark was just another thing to remind then both so.


	44. Love Is

"So you're taking Edd out to the carnival again?" Kevin nodded. Nathan smiled. "Isn't that where you took him for your first date?"

Kevin thought for a second. "One of them, yeah. I know he liked it when we were there last so I thought he'd like it now." It was quiet for a second. "So you're dating Rave now."

Nathan nodded and smiled widely.

"Happy about it?"

"You have no idea." He laughed lightly, all happiness and excitement.

"Maybe you should take him to the carnival too."

"Maybe. He's working tonight so maybe tomorrow. I'll have to see if he's free."

Kevin smiled. "You're taking this very seriously aren't you?"

Nathan nodded. "I really do like him."

"I can tell. The oh so flirtatious Nathan Goldberg has been taken off the market," Kevin mocked with a laugh.

"Oh I know. All my fans must be so heart broken." Nathan dramatized. "But really," he looked at Kevin in all seriousness, "I'm serious about him."

Kevin smiled and nodded. "I can tell."

"Do you love Eddward?"

Kevin looked a him and blinked. "What?"

"Do you love him?" His sudden question threw Kevin off-guard, and his head and heart reeled.

"I-I don't-"

"Because he loves you. Like...really _really_ love you."

"He does?" Kevin hesitated.

Nathan nodded. "He looks at you like you hung the fucking moon, man. He loves you." It was quiet for a moment. "Do you?"

Nathan knew the answer. Most likely, anyone who saw the two interact could tell. But it wasn't for him to say. It was Kevin's.

"I-"

"Think about it. For your sake and Edd's."

Kevin looked away and furrowed his brow, thinking. Nathan was sure he knew the answer, but Kevin was the one who needed to say it for himself.

Kevin had dated a few people, yes. They had almost all been nice, but there had always been that feeling that one thing would break them apart. As though one wrong move and they would be over. But Eddward? He was different - _very_ different. He was a boy, that was a difference, but that wasn't the thing. It was just the way he made Kevin _feel._ Sure he was cute, a lot of people would think that, but it seemed to Kevin that he was the _sun itself._ He saw him as beautiful _._ His eyes were another thing. Blue was never his favorite color till he saw Eddward's stunning eyes, and it had never been the same since. He could live in the color now. And the way his skin felt against his own - when their fingers touched or their shoulders bumped - it was like lightning running through his veins, stunning and bright. The way his lips tasted, sweet and soft and all he ever craved. The way that until he came along, Kevin would think of sex and making out more than talking and _just sleeping_ in the same space. 

The boy had changed him so much. He had changed the way he saw relationships, the way he saw himself, and the way he saw the world.

And that's what love was, wasn't it?

~oOo~

Eddward sat on his bed, playing with his hands. Sam stared at him from the other side of the room.

"Nervous?"

Edd nodded. "A little."

"How come?"

Edd shrugged.  "I guess because I've been so...difficult lately."

Sam smiled. "It'll be fine. You worry too much."

"So I've been told." Edd smiled. There was a knock at the door and he stood up. "That'd be for me," he said, insides all butterflies and nerves.

Sam nodded. "See you later. Have fun, yeah?"

He smiled and waved a hand in goodbye. He grabbed his wallet and phone and opened the door. "Hello, Kevin."

The red head smiled back. "Hey, baby. Ready to go?"

Edd nodded. "Yeah."

Kevin took Eddward's hand and lead him out of the dormitory towards his bike. "Haven't ridden it for a while have we."

"No, we haven't."

Kevin smiled. He's handed him a helmet and they both climbed on, Eddward  wrapping his arms around Kevin's stomach and holding tight as the bike roared into life. 

Like the time before, it was early evening by the time they reached their destination. The sky was painted beautifully above them, the setting sun making murals behind the cold clouds. It was beautiful and it made Eddward's heart swell even more. He tightened his grip around Kevin's waist. The ginger smiled behind his helmet.

Kevin pulled the bike to a stop in the car park closest to the carnival, the lights and rides in clear view.

"I know you had fun last time," Kevin said meekly, climbing off the bike after his boyfriend.

"I did. And I will this time too. I'm with you, after all." Edd smiled, pulling the helmet off his head and placing it on the bike.

Kevin held out his hand with a smile. "C'mon then."

Eddward took his hand into his boyfriend's and allowed himself to be led towards the carnival. 

The first thing they did was buy a stick of fairy floss each. As they walked, Eddward nibbled on the sugary cloud. Kevin watched him and laughed as he got a little bit of the pink concoction stuck to his nose. Wiping it off, he planted a quick kiss to Edd's temple. Eddward smiled sweetly with a faint blush dusting his cheeks. Squeezing his hand, Kevin led him towards the line for the Ferris wheel.

"It's a little louder tonight," Kevin stated as they watched the lights around and below them twinkle and flicker, the ride taking them around ever so slowly.

"It is." Eddward smiled. He huddled closer to Kevin's side, and the ginger lifted his arm to wrap it around his smaller boyfriend's shoulders.

The silence that stretched between them was painful for Kevin - not awkward - but more that there were things he wanted to say, but didn't know how.

"Thank you," Edd mumbled, breaking it.

Kevin frowned. "Why?"

"For sticking with me."

Planting a small kiss to the top of his head, he smiled. "Thank you for letting me."

The silence was there again, but not as painfully present as before.

"Kevin, can I ask you something."

After another moment passed, he answered. "What is it?"

This time, it was Edd's turn to pause. The questions he wanted to ask were poised on the tip of his tongue, but part of him didn't know if he'd want them to be answered.

"Edd?" Kevin asked, moving his arm away to turn a little more towards him.

The blue eyed boy took a breath inwards. "Why did you..."

Kevin squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Why did you choose me? I mean-I'm more than happy that you did but why...me?"

Kevin smiled again as he watched Eddward look down at his lap in an attempt to hide his growing blush and watering eyes. Sighing happily, he looked up at the sky above and around them, taking a moment to listen to the sound of the carnival below. "It's hard to explain. Especially since I'm not always the best with my words. But I'll try," he sighed again and squeezed Edd's hand. "First off, you're beautiful. Not just in body, but in soul too. You're kind - _so_ kind that sometimes I don't think I deserve you."

Kevin looked back at Edd, to see his wonderfully blue eyes trained solely on him, wide and focused. A blush was planted on his face, clearly noticeable even in the shadow created by the lights. He didn't try to look away. He just stared into his eyes and smiled. Eddward tore his eyes away first, wiping at his face in embarrassment and nervousness.

Kevin looked forward again. "And then there's the other stuff. Like back when we were kids. I mean that was only a few years ago but it feels like a lifetime. Everything that happened to you, everything you went through, you went through alone. You were alone for so long with this-" he tapped Eddward's head gently with his knuckles, "-and everything else people threw at you. And when Nazz and I came along, you could have easily turned us away. I know at first you did, but you didn't mean too. It was just the way your head was. But after a while you let us in, even if it was just a little bit. When I," Kevin cleared his throat for a moment, words catching on what he was about to say. "When I saw what you were doing to yourself, it killed me. I cared about you then. Maybe it was in a different way to now, but I did. And seeing you like that hurt me. But you were so so _strong_ to have be dealing with everything alone. And you're still strong. And I'm so _proud_ of you. _You_ let us in. _You_ asked for help, even if you didn't realize it. _You_ helped yourself to get better. _You_ make me so so happy. It's all you. Because you are so strong. You never stay down. You never give up. You never let yourself be anything less than _you._ And I'm so happy to be the boy you share your strength with." 

He wasn't sure when he'd looked back at the beautiful boy, but Eddward's eyes were all he could see. And they were wide and brimming with tears.

Kevin's heart turned to worry. "Baby what's wrong?" he asked, holding Edd's face in his hands in an instance.

Eddward smiled with a wobbly bottom lip and closed his eyes, leaning into the warm touch. "I'm just happy," he whispered. Kevin smiled and breathed a laugh, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears from Eddward's red rimmed eyes. Leaning into the touch even more, he sniffled quietly. "Thank you," he said.

Kevin turned Eddward's face to look at him more, and lent forward. Slowly, he pressed his lips against his, tasting the sugary sweetness of both the leftover fairy floss and pure _Eddward_. He closed his eyes, as did the latter, and deepened the kiss. It was passionate and loving, soft and gentle all at the same time - and he loved it. 

He loved Eddward.

Pulling away, Kevin took in his boyfriends face. Edd's lips were red and shinning, his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide. He looked absolutely _gorgeous_. 

The world around them spun, lived on, existed as though nothing had happened. People laughed and chatted and _lived_ , but so did Eddward and Kevin. Kevin pressed his lips against the tip of Eddward's nose and kissed him again. He hummed against his skin.

Kevin smiled, resting their foreheads together. "I love you." Eddward's breath hitched for a moment. Kevin pulled back, looking solely at his boyfriend - his _world_. Kevin smiled again. "I love you. I do. I love you so much."

Eddward's face changed again and he closed his eyes and pushed his face into Kevin's chest.

Kevin pulled him back to look at him again. "I love you, Eddward."

Eddward opened his eyes and looked into Kevin's forest green ones. "I-I-" his voice was quiet and shaking and Kevin suddenly _dreaded_ that he'd said the wrong thing, stomach beginning to rip into knots and poisonous butterflies. But then, "I-I love...I love you t-too."

Kevin's stilled heart started to beat again and he pulled Eddward into another kiss, the latter gasping in surprise. This kiss was passionate, hard, bruising, and _loving._ Pressing his forehead against Eddward's again, he sighed again - content.

"I-I love you s-so much," Eddward said again, quieter than before.

"Not as much as I love you," Kevin said back, voice low and husky. He could feel Eddward's breath against his lips, sweet smelling and addictive.

Eddward breathed a laugh and wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck, pressing his lips back against Kevin's once more, the two kissing for the umpteenth time that night.

The night was growing cool as they walked through the carnival and took a seat on one of the far away benches. The breeze from the close ocean air nipping at their skin.

"I realized something," Kevin breathed, fingers intertwined with his boyfriend's delicate ones.

Eddward smiled against Kevin's lips. "What's that?"

"I fell for you, and this time you caught me."

Eddward laughed breathlessly at their teenage promise. "Maybe, but you caught me too."

Kevin pulled him into his lap, holding him tight and safe as he pressed his face into the smaller boy's neck. The butterflies in his stomach disappeared, replaced by warmth and safety and addicting fire where their skin touched.

Because that's what love was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations. It's 1.32am at the moment. Little earlier than normal for me to be awake. I'm not sleeping much again lately, maybe a few hours a night. If I sleep when I'm not wiped out it can get dangerous. I've just started to go to a place called 'headspace' (mental health place thingy - AND LGBTQA FRIENDLY YAAAAAY) but now I'm moving again after a month of living here so I won't be able to go back - *sigh*
> 
> The word count went far higher than the original chapter of this. I hope you like it, because I do. (Also please remember that I'm just a little ace butterfly with no life experience.)
> 
> Read me next update for my last note please, and thank you if you do.


	45. Salutations, and goodbye

Greetings.

Okay. So first off I want to apologise for deleting both books from the Catch series. Now both officially re uploaded, I plan to leave them.

I'll be honest, I really don't like them. In my eyes the characters didn't turn how I wanted, and neither did the story line. But I guess this was the first thing I ever wrote. I had a few inquiries on it, which is why I reuploaded.

But really, thank you all so so much for the reads and comments and votes and messages that helped me through writing the original, even if I don't like it now.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever create a book circled solely around romance for a while longer. I have no experience and I don't know how to write it. I feel this was too fluffy and over the top in this book.

But 16/17 year old me thanks you a lot for supporting me during my writing, and overall unstableness that I noted in the original uploads. (Currently non existent.) It meant a lot.

**Promo** **whore** **,** **but** **I** **have** **a** **new** **book** **called** **'** **Lovely** **Souls'** **so** **check** **that** **one** **out** **please if you want. In actually kind of proud of it and think its far better. Its also posted on my Wattpad by the same name and author.**

And thank you again everyone, for everything.


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